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It sounds like you had a nice time with one another. I would not let the small things clutter an otherwise pleasant evening. Hopefully it continues to go well for you. Good luck and keep us updated!
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,935,179 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew
For me it is not about right and wrong or how even other people view me. I would choose to pay the full bill if that had been my intention all along because *I* care how *I* view me. AND I cannot IMAGINE a mindset in which I placed a monetary value on someone's dating worth. Dating is not a fee for service activity.
I full agree. How I feel about myself is critical, so doing the right thing even when I will probably never see a person again is still important.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,718,665 times
Reputation: 41376
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew
For me it is not about right and wrong or how even other people view me. I would choose to pay the full bill if that had been my intention all along because *I* care how *I* view me. AND I cannot IMAGINE a mindset in which I placed a monetary value on someone's dating worth. Dating is not a fee for service activity.
Dating is also not a free meal.
I think people are forgetting one thing I've said in the past about his issue. I'd never take a first date to a dinner in the first place. I'd do something for a first date as cheap as possible. I'd do coffee or a walk in the park as a first date. I can swallow paying $3-5 for a date's coffee or ice cream far easier than wasting $20 on someone I know damn well I'm not interested in seeing again and don't give two about their opinion of me.
I think people are forgetting one thing I've said in the past about his issue. I'd never take a first date to a dinner in the first place. I'd do something for a first date as cheap as possible. I'd do coffee or a walk in the park as a first date. I can swallow paying $3-5 for a date's coffee or ice cream far easier than wasting $20 on someone I know damn well I'm not interested in seeing again and don't give two about their opinion of me.
I get what you're saying and I agree 100% that dating isn't a free meal, but when you make plans to meet with someone, do you convey this to them? Obviously in a less aggressive way lol...I mean, do you tell them "hey, let's just meet up for a bit and get to know each other a little...nothing stressful, just something low key like meeting up for coffee or something and see if there's any chemistry?"
Honestly, if I felt that kind of attitude come from a potential date, I'd probably pass and no, I'm not a gold digger, I make a very good salary but it comes off a little abrasive and be a turn off.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,718,665 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bellakin123
I get what you're saying and I agree 100% that dating isn't a free meal, but when you make plans to meet with someone, do you convey this to them? Obviously in a less aggressive way lol...I mean, do you tell them "hey, let's just meet up for a bit and get to know each other a little...nothing stressful, just something low key like meeting up for coffee or something and see if there's any chemistry?"
Honestly, if I felt that kind of attitude come from a potential date, I'd probably pass and no, I'm not a gold digger, I make a very good salary but it comes off a little abrasive and be a turn off.
Believe it or not, outside of CD I'm far less aggressive in real life than I am here. I typically say something to the tune of, "we should meet up, there is ______ in DC who makes good coffee" or "Saturday is nice let's meet at the Monument for ice cream." Typically women are fine with it.
I, honest to God, view spending a $5 on a coffee or ice cream differently than spending $20-40 on a dinner with someone who I have no interest in seeing again. Being with a limited budget, that $20-40 is not money I want to waste on someone who isn't going to appreciate me, when it could help me survive. I would truthfully not think twice about the money if a woman really seemed to like me and I liked her enough to want to see her again.
Believe it or not, outside of CD I'm far less aggressive in real life than I am here. I typically say something to the tune of, "we should meet up, there is ______ in DC who makes good coffee" or "Saturday is nice let's meet at the Monument for ice cream." Typically women are fine with it.
I, honest to God, view spending a $5 on a coffee or ice cream differently than spending $20-40 on a dinner with someone who I have no interest in seeing again. Being with a limited budget, that $20-40 is not money I want to waste on someone who isn't going to appreciate me, when it could help me survive. I would truthfully not think twice about the money if a woman really seemed to like me and I liked her enough to want to see her again.
Gotcha and I totally agree with you. For me, it's not so much about what is said but how it's said. I wouldn't even think twice if a guy suggested those as dates to me because for me, it's not about the "where".
I get what you're saying and I agree 100% that dating isn't a free meal, but when you make plans to meet with someone, do you convey this to them? Obviously in a less aggressive way lol...I mean, do you tell them "hey, let's just meet up for a bit and get to know each other a little...nothing stressful, just something low key like meeting up for coffee or something and see if there's any chemistry?"
Honestly, if I felt that kind of attitude come from a potential date, I'd probably pass and no, I'm not a gold digger, I make a very good salary but it comes off a little abrasive and be a turn off.
I agree. Really who thinks of a diner date as a free meal, a homeless person, a broke person, a starving person? But the attitude that the one inviting you to dinner sees the date as an investment. Investment is what? As a potential client, nookie, companionship, matrimony? If you cant stomach spending 20$ on someone dont ask them to dinner. I agree with the coffee or something free or cheap. I mean I have paid for dinner for friends or family members and given strangers $20 for food and not feel I need something in return or that Im wasting my money.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,718,665 times
Reputation: 41376
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2mares
I agree. Really who thinks of a diner date as a free meal, a homeless person, a broke person, a starving person? But the attitude that the one inviting you to dinner sees the date as an investment. Investment is what? As a potential client, nookie, companionship, matrimony? If you cant stomach spending 20$ on someone dont ask them to dinner. I agree with the coffee or something free or cheap. I mean I have paid for dinner for friends or family members and given strangers $20 for food and not feel I need something in return or that Im wasting my money.
I've paid for dinner for friends and my mother too. The difference is when I pay for them I know I would help them with anything and they'd help me with anything. The money I spend on them is a gift in my eyes and letting them know my highest appreciation for their friendship.
When I pay for a date, it would be to let them know I'm serious about my desire to get to know them and be in their future and I really appreciate their consideration. I don't look at it as a prostitute to pimp relationship. If I don't pay for a date's share, it is my way of saying, I'm not interested and you probably aren't interested in me. I don't want to waste any of your time or my money on what was a fruitless endeavor.
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about their opinion of me.
and I totally agree with you. For me, it's not so much about what is said but how it's said. I wouldn't even think twice if a guy suggested those as dates to me because for me, it's not about the "where". 
