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So i was depressed for a few years and was suicidal for a while. i was in a 1 year relationship with someone i wasnt really happy with in that time too. The last couple months of our relationship just concisted of arguing with each other.
Overall it was a great relationship but i was still depressed wich had a negative effect on our relationship, in the beginning she made me forget about my problems but it started to get worse later on and she had things going on in her life aswell and we decided to break up.
now about 1.5 years later
I sorta went on a date with someone ive known for 4 years now and i always kinda was interested in her but never really talked or something to her.
Im saying we went on a date but we just went out to eat*
So i ended up falling in love with her, we still didnt talk a lot. later i told her and she responded with * i dont want to be in a relationship because this happened and this reasson *
This was a real weird feeling of beeing in love. just thinking of her seeing her in public talking to her it helped a lot with my depression.
*few months later*
Dont want to say that im not depressed anymore but its like a lott less. and i tried to socialice more and i realised that i cant hold proper conversations. Probably because ive only been talking to like 2 people for the past few years and my relationship with this girl is now really awkward. she doesnt really mind but i said a ton of cringy **** the past few months now and really changed her perstective of me from a friend to some weird guy that isnt stable.
I have like 4 months left before i cant see her as often anymore and it feels like thats a deadline for like becoming better friends with her
now im unsure about my feelings for her. i still think about her a ton but the feeling of beeing in love is almost completely gone. i still get it tough when i talk to her sometimes but. im not sure as to what i want to do. i really want to be with her even as a friend doesnt necesserally have to be as her boyfrriend or something but i just want to be close with her. And i know that im deffinitally not ready for a relationship atm.
so idk if i should just forget about her or still keep trying. tbh shes the only thing i care about right now
and if i still should keep trying.. i can hold conversations if shes actually trying or if she wants to talk to someone at that time too. but i cant seem to keep conversations going by myself i know i need to socialice but should i wait till i get better or continue talking
im really not sure about a lot of things
Im sorry if this was a bit unclear its weird for me telling this and i dont really know exactly what my opinions are.
Fixing any mental health, emotional or social problems come before dating.
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I recently dated a guy who had been committed to an institution for suicidal depression. He was out 6-7 months before we met. I didn't stigmatize it , hell I have a psychiatrist myself. However it started to become more evident that he needed way more therapy and time to heal before dating anyone. Do yourself a favor and don't invite heartbreak and stress into an already fragile exsistence.
I've tried therapy but it really isn't something for me
Can you elaborate? What was it that was not working? Was it the counselor or did you just not like what you heard?
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