Heard a new dating term - "Benching"

[weezerfan84]

Originally Posted by Auraliea

And in all honesty that's the best way to do it sometimes.

Taking a break from all the extra stuff can be good if you're starting to feel a bit jaded.

I don't think I'm jaded, I'm just a little tired of the confusion. For instance. Asked two different women out over the last two weeks. One I knew through work in the past (no longer work for the same employer) and another through Tinder. The woman through work, we chatted for a few hours and I asked if she wanted to get dinner. Dinner was a couple days into the future. The day of the date she mentioned that her Grandpa has a heart attack, but wanted to reschedule for Sunday. I agreed and this was on a Friday, which was the day of our date. I asked on Saturday how her Grandfather was doing. Got no response. No response on Sunday to confirm the date. Then she text me a week later wondering if I would adopt her cat, since she's having to move back in with her parents.


You know, I'm perfectly fine if someone is wanting to cancel, but be upfront about it. Don't confirm a date, cancel and reschedule, to only cancel or just completely ghost in the end. It gets under my skin, because it shows that that person doesn't respect me or my time schedule.


Similar happened with the woman from Tinder. We agreed for a date a few days out. It was a 50 mile drive for me, so the confirmation was a bit more important, due to potentially moving my schedule around here and there (I'm a new homeowner and have been building shelves and a coffee table). We confirmed for a Monday date on a Saturday. Monday rolls around she cancels stating that she has a hot water issue in her tiny home, so she'd have to cancel, but would still be good for Wednesday if I was free. Tuesday I have bowling, so that day was no good for me. Tuesday night comes and I ask about Wednesday to confirm. She states that she is still having issues with her hot water heater. I mentioned if she would still be willing to squeeze in something, since I had already cleared the day. I did add that I was confirming to not get cancelled at the "final hour", which has happened to me in the past. She took a level of offense to that statement and just cancelled the whole meeting all together. Haven't heard from her since, even when I offered another chance to reschedule.


For me, dating just shouldn't be this hard. This is a lot of work to just secure a date that may or may not go anywhere anyways. With the second woman, she'd been married before and had already mentioned that she felt trapped in her marriage. Didn't mention that he was possessive or anything, but that she didn't have the freedom to do everything she wanted to do.


I get that people want to cancel or they change their minds. I think it's the lack of honesty that bothers me or just the disappearing act all together. I'm left thinking I did something wrong or there's potentially something wrong with my approach. I tend to be honest with my feelings, even if I know the person may not like what I'm going to say. It's just the same of the game and something we all deal with in our lives.


So after those two scenarios, I have once again reevaluated what I've wanted and went back to ole faithful, which is an FWB that has similar dating issues as myself. We get on each others nerves like friends, but we both understand what our situation is. We're FWBs, with not a whole lot of conversation inbetween. If she wants sex, and I'm busy, she understands. If I want sex, and she's busy, I understand. Until I can surround myself with a woman who feels similar to the way I do, and I'm physically and emotionally attracted to them, this is where I'll remain indefinitely.

[rbohm]

Originally Posted by weezerfan84

This weekend my buddy sent me an article on something he stumbled across on Facebook. I googled the term, and sadly, it's an actual thing. It's called "benching". It's basically where men and women will take someone's number, or social media contacts, chat with them, but never have any intentions of ever meeting. What made me chuckle on this is that I've actually had this happen to me in the past. I had 2 different women who would want to text daily, but were always too busy to hang out. It was ultimately why I changed my stance on many things and set up boundaries of how I want to be treated.


Has anyone else heard this term or had this happen to them?

never heard the term but i have had it happen to me. once i realized the girl wasnt serious, i deleted her number.

[F1end]

Thinking that any attractive woman doesn't have guys on "the bench" is naive.

Had three women in particular fall deeply in love with me in 2016. Yet, I don't commit.

My game is such that I see it for what it is. I don't act "controlling" of anyone. Yet, I act according to my nature, and won't allow anyone to boss me either.

Want to know what these women did, as soon as I dodged the exclusivity stuff? They started bringing up their orbiters out of the woodwork. The idea was to make me jealous, in order to get me to commit.

Seriously, guys. It's very easy not to be on "the bench". Always filter for high-interest in your relations. And any woman who's interest is middling, you should take it for what it really is.

Don't ever try to force a serious relationship on anybody. That is a disgrace to yourself, and to her.

[asianrocker]

Originally Posted by weezerfan84

This weekend my buddy sent me an article on something he stumbled across on Facebook. I googled the term, and sadly, it's an actual thing. It's called "benching". It's basically where men and women will take someone's number, or social media contacts, chat with them, but never have any intentions of ever meeting. What made me chuckle on this is that I've actually had this happen to me in the past. I had 2 different women who would want to text daily, but were always too busy to hang out. It was ultimately why I changed my stance on many things and set up boundaries of how I want to be treated.


Has anyone else heard this term or had this happen to them?

In my country it's called textmates back in 2000 . Recently it was called catfish now it's benching? Same old, same old. It's just the terms that changed but it's all well and the same in the old days.

[UrbanAdventurer]

Originally Posted by weezerfan84

This weekend my buddy sent me an article on something he stumbled across on Facebook. I googled the term, and sadly, it's an actual thing. It's called "benching". It's basically where men and women will take someone's number, or social media contacts, chat with them, but never have any intentions of ever meeting. What made me chuckle on this is that I've actually had this happen to me in the past. I had 2 different women who would want to text daily, but were always too busy to hang out. It was ultimately why I changed my stance on many things and set up boundaries of how I want to be treated.


Has anyone else heard this term or had this happen to them?

Never heard the term but the phenomenon it describes is nothing new. Only women play these types of games. Men...we like you we want to talk and meet. We don't like we don't want to meet, or talk.