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i did not date until i was in my early 20`s .. dont worry about it .. get a job .. get a little life experience .. grow up a bit more .. i met my wife when i was 24 ..
How I have expected it, we have to different camps here. On one side I should just go and talk, and on the other I should not worry about it and wait and get a job... but would it not be the best to start now? I mean, there are so many lads who get horrible marks in my class but have a GF.... Why can't I start doing small steps already then? For one instance, if I had a GF, I would never tell somebody. It would simply give me a feeling of using that person as a object, which is the worst thing you can do.
I am certain now that the only way to advance is to go and just talk. How painful it may be, there is no way around, is there? So, get the flame-proof suit and get going.... should I just use any opportunity that I'll get? I mean, practices makes the master, doesn't it?
And about Soccer: I watch it (passively) on my 2nd Monitor. I would not watch it primarily, and nor would I like to play it. I watch it as well to see what the best referees are doing, to learn from them....
And @Ruth4Truth, really superb post there, I have to admit. Any ideas where to I could branch out If we use the correct definition for Hobby, which is "A hobby is a regular activity that is done for enjoyment, typically during one's leisure time.", then I do not have really many hobbies. Then I would say I have following:
- Playing video games
- Working out
(- Being a soccer referee)
And then, I guess you cannot include reading about politics and history and cars because compared to these 4 listed above I do it quite seldom. I visit car dealers as well, like every 2nd week, but it cannot be classified as a hobby.
At the end, I stay again before two choices: I can try, how most of you suggested to speak and get things slowly going, or to just wait and don't worry about it. I have done the second idea until now... Time for change?
Let's clarify one thing: are you in highschool, or are you in your first year of college? If you're in university, there should be a lot of activities and clubs from which to choose, to meet other students.
I am in school, yes. There are lots of attractive girls as well, but I do not speak to most of them, since we do not know each other.
I'll try to give my best to explain my current educational situation: I am doing University and college preparatory classes in the so called "Gymnasium". It is currently my 12th year of studying, I could say the 12th grade as well.
So, I am not in a highschool nor in a college, nor in a university. I would suggest that we could compare it to a senior high school? Would fit the best.
At the end, I overthink things way too hard. How most of the people said,
"Approach a girl when you find one you like.
The end."
That's it. It just seems so weird for me since it is not so common here to speak to persons you do not know - unlike in the states. But, what is weird about it? Ultimately, why should a girl get scared when a friendly person goes up to her and speak about a general topic? It may be hard to understand to you, but I rarely see that happening. I do not know how it is in the states these days, but in public transports people just sit or stand with their phone in their hand. No conversation at all in public transports.... Then, if I would be the only one talking, I would feel simply weird, especially because I have not done it.
But I should stop moaning about it. The only way to progress, is to take risks. That involves the things I've stated about. No way leads around. I could stay like I am now until the end of my days, or take risks and progress in life - painful or not. But the thing is, I am afraid I will not do it... I have to carve it into my brain, and actually go and act. I promised myself to do certain things so often, but always found an excuse for it. Always. Including talking to girls I like but do now know, just one example .
You are lacking one of the most (if not the most) important qualities that women find attractive: confidence! Don't worry about finding a girlfriend for now. I think your first step should be to start by making female friends first, especially since you're in school.
This will help boost your confidence in talking to women in the first place, and there's no risk involved in making a friend or two . Just start talking to them and have a conversation like normal.
At the end, I overthink things way too hard. How most of the people said,
"Approach a girl when you find one you like.
The end."
That's it. It just seems so weird for me since it is not so common here to speak to persons you do not know .
Uh.
How do you know you like her if you've never even met her?
She could be crazy or a total psycho or not very nice or not have anything in common with you, etc.
What we mean is that you should approach women for dating when you meet and get to know (in class, in clubs, through friend groups) a woman who sparks your interest as a mate.
I swear. Some men have more criteria for taking a car for a test drive than asking random people who just look good out on a date.
Whenever you do something for the first time, it will be a little intimidating, because you've never done it before so you don't have the personal experience of whether it will work out or not. That's pretty normal and everyone is like that, and yet people still do things they've never done before all the time and it works out fine.
It sounds like because you haven't talked to girls even though you intended to for a long time, you're now trying to come up with all sorts of reasons why. Is it because talking to girls is difficult? Is it because there's something wrong with me? Nope, you're probably just overthinking it and being silly. You're just making a way bigger deal out of talking to girls than it really is, and if you try, it'll work out fine and once you've talked to a few girls, you'll be kicking yourself for not trying sooner and procrastinating about it for so long.
You might have used the same thought process for other new experiences. Like you have to do a presentation in front of your class and you're nervous about it but once you're up there and start talking you're not nervous anymore. Or maybe you have an assignment that's different from the kinds of assignments you had to do in the past, and you're hesitant about how to approach it. Then you start procrastinating and building up the assignment into this scary monster and but then when you finally do the assignment you realize that it wasn't so hard after all.
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. Just start talking to them and have a conversation like normal.
