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I will never understand exs being friends. I find it a more popular concept with younger people, but that could be because they haven't been burned by it yet. Most people I know are civil to an ex when there are kids involved, but stay away when there are no kids.
That being said, the OP has been dating him for four months. IMHO, that isn't enough time to be completely caught up in the guy. It IS enough time, though, to cut her losses. But I don't see it as a loss.
OP what more signs do you need that he still wants his ex back? Will it take you catching them ****ing eachother to get it through your head? Or will you still circle excuses around that too?
End this relationship.He's not over his ex.It's one thing when you first meet to talk about your past relationship to explain what happened BUT then you move forward and discuss other issues.THIS is why one should NOT be friends with an ex IF they are in a committed relationship.It's a pain in the ass and it's wrong.Leave him.He's not 100% invested in the relationship with you.
This.
Quote:
Originally Posted by EastHarlemRican
OP what more signs do you need that he still wants his ex back? Will it take you catching them ****ing eachother to get it through your head? Or will you still circle excuses around that too?
And this.
Red flags.....RED AND BLUE SIRENS FLASHING AND BLARING.
OP, in your posts you're begging for someone to tell you what you want to hear - that him initiating contact on a regular basis with his ex is okay.....they are friends.....PFFFT!
I understand you guys think he wants her back and I'm going to keep my guard up, but I also understand that if he wanted to be with her, he would be with her. I honestly believe she would take him back in a heartbeat. It would be so easy for him.
Yet he's so attentive and affectionate with me. There is no signs he is losing interest. He's as in love with me and much as I am with him, and if it wasn't for those messages, everything would honestly be perfect.
Please explain why he would still be loving with me if he was planning to get back with her?
Red flags.....RED AND BLUE SIRENS FLASHING AND BLARING.
OP, in your posts you're begging for someone to tell you what you want to hear - that him initiating contact on a regular basis with his ex is okay.....they are friends.....PFFFT!
Game of Thrones my aunt fanny. What a crock.
Thank you for being honest. And everyone else. I do appreciate it. You're right though I do want to see someone say they seem like just friends.
Do you think the Game of Thrones message he sent her was pretty bad then?
I understand you guys think he wants her back and I'm going to keep my guard up, but I also understand that if he wanted to be with her, he would be with her. I honestly believe she would take him back in a heartbeat. It would be so easy for him.
Yet he's so attentive and affectionate with me. There is no signs he is losing interest. He's as in love with me and much as I am with him, and if it wasn't for those messages, everything would honestly be perfect.
Please explain why he would still be loving with me if he was planning to get back with her?
He's acting with you and trying to convince himself you're the right choice. Maybe over time you'll prove to be but just know he's having buyer's remorse with you right now
He's acting with you and trying to convince himself you're the right choice. Maybe over time you'll prove to be but just know he's having buyer's remorse with you right now
Is it naive of me to hope he loves me and has no doubts at all but just wants to keep the ex in his life because he cares about her as a friend?
I just don't see the point in him pretending/acting with me if that's what he's doing. He honestly seems so genuine. Surely I'd see signs of him losing interest?
Is it naive of me to hope he loves me and has no doubts at all but just wants to keep the ex in his life because he cares about her as a friend?
I just don't see the point in him pretending/acting with me if that's what he's doing. He honestly seems so genuine. Surely I'd see signs of him losing interest?
They can **** in front of your face at this point and youd still make an excuse. I'm done trying to explain the truth to someone who's actively running from it
Just to give you more detail on the situation, he left his ex because they grew apart and he lost feelings. They were together 3 years and he had gradually been losing them during their last year together and didn't know how to tell her. It wasn't easy for him to leave her, he was devastated that his feelings for her had gone as he said she means a lot to him and he cares for her a great deal (as a person and as a friend, not romantically). He said to me that she's a phenomenal person and there is no bitterness between them over the break up. She was suffering from untreated depression and anxiety, and as far as I'm aware, this put a strain on their relationship. I've heard she's been getting therapy since the break up.
What I don't get is why he'd be starting contact with her every few days and saying emotional stuff like 'I've really missed you' and 'I don't think I can watch GoT without you as it would be strange' if his feelings were 100% gone romantically like he said.
If he still loved her as a friend and wanted to keep in touch, I could accept that, but the contact should be much less such as once a month or so...
Is it possible that his feelings for her could have returned during the last 4 months? everything is going great with us so I don't understand... I'm feeling very conflicted as some people say his messages to her aren't nothing to worry about but then others think they are a huge red flag.
He broke up with her in part over the strain on their relationship put there by her untreated mental health issues. Plus there was another woman (you) waiting in the wings, promising greener pastures.
Now the ex's issues ae being treated. Plus being with you didn't make his feelings for her magically go away. Maybe he's wondering if things would be different now that she's getting treatment...
This is kind why you don't want to be any sort of other woman. The feelings people have in a long term relationships take time to die. It's not uncommon for people to have to break up more than once for it to stick. My friend used to call it "the rubber band effect". LOL.
I don't think he's totally over her. I don't know what you want to do with that info but there it is.
ETA: I just read the other responses in this thread. LOL! Great minds think alike heh.
Thank you for being honest. And everyone else. I do appreciate it. You're right though I do want to see someone say they seem like just friends.
Do you think the Game of Thrones message he sent her was pretty bad then?
You're not listening.
Get it out of your mind, completely, that they are 'just friends'. They dated for 3 years. They will never be 'just friends'.
Now, that doesn't mean that he's going to go running back to her; nor does it mean he won't. But by getting into a relationship with a guy immediately after he ended another relationship this is what you signed up for.
You've got to talk to him about this. About how he's feeling. You've also got to expect to hear some things you don't want to hear - and not freak out about them. Don't be like all these people here saying, "He's going to go back to her, dump him and move on". They don't know that. You don't know that. I don't know that. He doesn't know that.
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