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Yes. Mom thought he earned less money so she assumed he couldn't take care of me. My man has two jobs, one full time and the other is part time. So I can see he is not a lazy guy. I don't care about his degree but I want to see his endeavor.
He is just not a "school" person. My mom has college degree. That's why she judge person by that.
So grow up and stop living by what SHE wants. Thank her for her opinion but tell her you'll make your own decisions regarding your happiness and as her to respect your decisions...otherwise you'll not be talking much.
I have my master degree and my bf is only "associate" degree. I think he is the best one who I have ever meet. He is hilarious, make me laugh, considerate and generous. Although he made less money than me, I don't see it's a problem.
However, my Mom thought he is not "well educated" because he doesn't have high education degree.
I just want to ask you, my friends, based on your experience, DOES THE education/degree matter in marriage/relationship?
My daughter's best friend also has a masters and is very successful in her career.
She met, and fell in love with, someone who only has a year of college classes, not even an AA degree. He works in a blue collar job.
Her parents had a similar reaction to your Mom's at first, but they grew to accept and love him when they understood that he is *much* kinder and better suited to her than any of her former, highly educated boyfriends.
They have been together for eight years, and married for five years. They are very happy together.
Does a relationship like this always work? No, of course not. But then, neither does every relationship between two people who have similar educational backgrounds.
There are no guarantees with any relationship, really. What makes a relationship work over the long term is not how educated each of you are, but how hard you work at making each other happy.
As for your Mom, as a Mom myself, I can tell you that it is normal "mom behavior" to worry when your daughter is starting to get serious with someone. We never stop wanting to protect our daughters -- not just physically, but also emotionally. Even if we LOVE the person our daughter is in a relationship with, we still worry. For many moms, there's also a nagging, hidden fear that once their daughter gets into a serious relationship it will change their own relationship with their daughter, and it can be tough to let go of that fear, even if your Mom never mentions it.
The best approach is to find ways for you and your boyfriend to spend doing some fun things with your Mom that she enjoys, so that she can start to feel comfortable with how he treats you. At the same time, find ways to spend some quality time alone with your Mom, as that will give you opportunities to both calmly express what you are both feeling. Most importantly, keep hugging your Mom as well as your boyfriend! A hug can go a long way.
Your mom is thinking like a parent who wants to be sure her daughter is "taken care of". So in a very conventional way she equates education with more money, and in fact, he DOES make less money than you. You need to tell your mom what IS and what is NOT important to you.
Mom might also be thinking of status. In her mind, "My daughter is dating a doctor" or "My daughter's boyfriend has an MBA" will impress people.
Even though I don't care if the man I'm with holds the same or higher degree in education than me, I care if he's driven and as motivated to make a better life for himself as I've done for myself.
I only have a year of college, and my ex-husband a HS diploma and some trade school, so I suppose you could say we were evenly educated.
However, he never read, didn't like museums or even documentaries, wasn't curious about anything having to do with the world or its people, and basically wanted to talk about video games or other people. His family scoffed a bit at anyone who "bothered" getting a higher degree.
It is interests and values that make a good match, not what degree is hanging on your wall.
My daughter's best friend also has a masters and is very successful in her career.
She met, and fell in love with, someone who only has a year of college classes, not even an AA degree. He works in a blue collar job.
Her parents had a similar reaction to your Mom's at first, but they grew to accept and love him when they understood that he is *much* kinder and better suited to her than any of her former, highly educated boyfriends.
They have been together for eight years, and married for five years. They are very happy together.
Does a relationship like this always work? No, of course not. But then, neither does every relationship between two people who have similar educational backgrounds.
There are no guarantees with any relationship, really. What makes a relationship work over the long term is not how educated each of you are, but how hard you work at making each other happy.
As for your Mom, as a Mom myself, I can tell you that it is normal "mom behavior" to worry when your daughter is starting to get serious with someone. We never stop wanting to protect our daughters -- not just physically, but also emotionally. Even if we LOVE the person our daughter is in a relationship with, we still worry. For many moms, there's also a nagging, hidden fear that once their daughter gets into a serious relationship it will change their own relationship with their daughter, and it can be tough to let go of that fear, even if your Mom never mentions it.
The best approach is to find ways for you and your boyfriend to spend doing some fun things with your Mom that she enjoys, so that she can start to feel comfortable with how he treats you. At the same time, find ways to spend some quality time alone with your Mom, as that will give you opportunities to both calmly express what you are both feeling. Most importantly, keep hugging your Mom as well as your boyfriend! A hug can go a long way.
Best wishes!
Thank you for your reply! It's very important that you told me your feeling as a Mom. I guess my Mom feels the same way. The example is very similar with my situation. My exs are all with higher education background, but I never been that happy with them. I just felt My mom is hard to be pleased no matter what I do.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,742,544 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dbwindyusa1221
I have my master degree and my bf is only "associate" degree. I think he is the best one who I have ever meet. He is hilarious, make me laugh, considerate and generous. Although he made less money than me, I don't see it's a problem.
However, my Mom thought he is not "well educated" because he doesn't have high education degree.
I just want to ask you, my friends, based on your experience, DOES THE education/degree matter in marriage/relationship?
The degree itself don't matter but it may be an indication of other incompatible things. I have a graduate level certificate and Bachelor's. While I wouldn't reject someone who didn't have a degree I'm likely going to see things different from someone with no post HS education. That would be the big worry.
I have my master degree and my bf is only "associate" degree. I think he is the best one who I have ever meet. He is hilarious, make me laugh, considerate and generous. Although he made less money than me, I don't see it's a problem.
However, my Mom thought he is not "well educated" because he doesn't have high education degree.
I just want to ask you, my friends, based on your experience, DOES THE education/degree matter in marriage/relationship?
Be more interested in their employment ability, stability, and income versus their degree. Difference in education levels does not matter especially if they can hold their own in your business and social situations.
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