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Let me be clear here: You literally never, ever, EVER have to go on a date just because you’d feel to bad not going on it.
As someone who has had a couple of pity dates in the past, you aren't fooling anyone if you agree to one of these. Anyone who is self-aware can sense when dates are given out of pity. It is insulting to ones intelligence. It is far easier to just be honest and decline if you aren't feeling it.
As someone who has had a couple of pity dates in the past, you aren't fooling anyone if you agree to one of these. Anyone who is self-aware can sense when dates are given out of pity. It is insulting to ones intelligence. It is far easier to just be honest and decline if you aren't feeling it.
You know, I wouldn't ever say I was a pity date, but I think I've been that "well he's nice enough, I'm not dating anyone, what's the worst that could happen" date before. Nothing wrong with me, but for whatever reason they're not feeling it. This article outlines perfectly the difference between being the nice person most people want to date, yet the fact that there's no physical attraction or romantic chemistry. Being nice is just the cost of entry, not the prize.
I agree with this. I've seen friends go out with men because they were bored, and he wouldn't take no for an answer, or he was available and they weren't pursuing anyone at the time. What ended up happening was they got in relationships with men they weren't all that into. Another downside of being afraid to be alone.
A few even got their heart broken when he left or cheated. Imagine getting into a pity situation then having to mourn something you weren't even passionate about in the first place.
I've never gone out on a date with someone because I felt sorry for them. Who does that?
Have you ever heard someone tell a woman, "He's a nice guy, give him a chance. Step out of your comfort zone. Attraction can come later." Statements like that can lead to a pity date. Some men keep coming back over and over until they've worn their target down. I doubt they are too sad about scoring a pity date, though. That's how they operate. How many times does someone have to turn another down?
I agree with this. I've seen friends go out with men because they were bored, and he wouldn't take no for an answer, or he was available and they weren't pursuing anyone at the time. What ended up happening was they got in relationships with men they weren't all that into. Another downside of being afraid to be alone.
A few even got their heart broken when he left or cheated. Imagine getting into a pity situation then having to mourn something you weren't even passionate about in the first place.
I actually had a conversation with my FWB about this last night. I asked her opinion on the guys she communicated with from online dating, because I wanted a woman's perspective. I was shutting down my profiles and I was questioning if I was being too rigid in the qualities I was looking for. She stated that she's taking 2017 off from dating and really focusing on herself and her daughter. She said that even though she didn't always like the advice I gave about the guys she dated, or even always listened, it paid dividends in her personal life and the decisions she was going to be making going forward.
She stated that she felt a bit desperate dating some guys and just didn't want to do anything alone, so she was dating guys that were bad fits. Now that she's been truly living on her own for a couple of years, she's realized that being single with the occasional romp in the sack is far better than dating men older than her that still don't have their lives together. She finally started seeing men for who they truly were, instead of trying to fix men that were in their early 40s (she's 37).
That's the absolute harsh reality of dating and having your life somewhat together. There's many people out there that don't have their lives together and are looking for the first sucker that they can leech off of. I'll admit that single isn't always easy, but it's better than the alternative. I saw enough online profiles of women complaining about not being viewed for more than sex, but here they were with 2 or 3 kids and none of the Dad's were in the picture. I'm not saying you're not more than sex, but your situation doesn't paint the best picture of good decision making.
Single is not the worst thing that can happen. Sure, I'd love to be in a relationship, but I'm also content with my single life right now. Taking down my online profiles have really helped with my dating anxiety and I hardly think about my most recent ex anymore. The best way to describe it, is that I'm silently confident. Buying a house has really helped too, even though it's added a lot more to my expense category than living in my apartment.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Londoncowboy30
How do they KNOW that the lady didn't find them attractive in the first place and put it down to " feeling bad " for them?.
I'm sure most wouldn't waste their time if it was a non starter, which makes me believe there must have been some intent and interest beforehand.
The biggest giveaway is body language. I've had girls cringe when I've gotten near them. That sends a signal of get your away from me. But since they don't want to be regarded as a "" they engage him anyway. In that instance, I wouldn't give a how you felt I'm not going to engage you.
How many times does someone have to turn another down?
With Steve Urkel (Family Matters TV show, late 80's, early 90's), it's well over a thousand! I think there was even an episode where he mentioned the 1000th time Laura has turned him down for a date. LOL
I'm sure this has probably happened to me more than once, but definitely once for sure, because the person told me she did it, just because I fit the perfect profile, and she had dated so many losers, but she wasn't attracted to me. It sucked hearing that, but I am sure some women feel pressured into going out with guys just because he is nice and has his s*** together. On the other hand, guys need to stop doing the pressuring as well. Stop whining about how I'm a nice guy, and women should date me because of that. Just accept the fact, that some women don't like you for whatever reason. Can't have it both ways.
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away from me. But since they don't want to be regarded as a "
