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I met my girlfriend about 4.5 months ago. Im 29 and shes 27. We jumped into things pretty quickly. It only took us a couple of weeks before we became exclusive. (Fast, I know. I pretty much asked her if she wanted to be exclusive, and she agreed.) We became exclusive about 4 months ago. A few weeks before we met, she had just been betrayed by a guy she was dating for a short while. He was an unfaithful Mod cut guy (who she was in love with) and he played her. Im more of a traditional guy (not the "bad boy Mod cut" type of guy, like she's fallen for in the past). Me and her both have our baggage. I know she's been looking for "the one" and to find comfort and stability. And I'd like the same too.
Anyway, she agreed to be exclusive a couple of weeks in. The relationship has been up and down between us so far. Our kids get along great, and I love her kid. The thing is, it took nearly 3 months for her to publicly acknowledge me as her boyfriend. She likes to post her happiness and unhappiness on facebook. So when we were first dating, she would be tagging me in statuses, etc. When we were fighting, she wouldn't say anything about me for a few weeks. I dug a little deeper, and found that she had added a few random local guys on facebook. I continued digging, and saw that she was Liking these guys pictures and leaving flirty comments on their statuses. She never had her relationship status on her page, so Im pretty sure she was trying to disguise herself as being single to these guys.
A few weeks ago, we've had one of our "up" moments rather than "down", and I noticed she had deleted the random guys and finally made our status public after about 3 months into the relationship.
Things have been good between us lately, and she's telling me things like "youre so amazing" "im so happy i found you, i finally have someone that truly makes me happy" "dont ever stop being you" etc.
She's been real lovey dovey like that recently. She's also posting stuff like this on facebook. She's also posting kissy pictures of us (Which im not sure how to take that. Because I dont think she posted kissy pictures with her exes, so on one hand it seems like she could genuinely love me and want to show me off...on the other hand, maybe shes trying to force/convince herself and her friends that shes happy? I dont know.)
But Im worried that if things go south again, if she's going to do the same kind of stuff. I havent brought this up to her (yet) because I know it would seem stalkerish if I mentioned these things to her. Should I be worried or does anybody see any real red flags here?
Also, is 4 months too soon to be having ups and downs? Should we still be in the "honeymoon phase" 4 months in?
I met my girlfriend about 4.5 months ago. Im 29 and shes 27.
We jumped into things pretty quickly.
It only took us a couple of weeks before we became exclusive.
The relationship has been up and down between us so far.
Our kids get along great, and I love her kid.
The thing is, it took nearly 3 months for her to publicly acknowledge me as her boyfriend.
That's not a thing. That's responsible parenting.
Quote:
...is 4 months too soon to be having ups and downs?
No.
Quote:
Should we still be in the "honeymoon phase" 4 months in?
In short... you need to chill out and slow down.
The two of you plus the child(ren) have a lot of bridges to cross before any of you can realistically
assess what's real and whats hopeful projection. Just enjoy what's there, one day or week at a time
for quite a while longer. A year wouldn't be too soon before more deeply considering things.
Why are you going by her Facebook page instead of face value?
I think it's natural to have the odd up and down moments even after 4 months as you're still finding out new things about each other.
I now remember you and your previous thread and your paying too much attention and putting too much emphasis on Facebook seems to be a recurring problem mate
Personally I DEFINITELY wouldn't mention it to her as I'd take a very dim view on someone checking up on me after 4 months of knowing me
I am a bit of a Dr. Laura fan. At 4 months in, you should never have even met her kids, or she yours.
I am sure you are nice people but I think that you both sound a bit immature (despite being parents so you probably aren't 16 still). What is your ultimate goal for this relationship? What is hers? What relative values do you put on raising your child vs. having a relationship? If this relationship should break up, what damage, if any, do you think will be done by having this someone new who was introduced into the children's lives and made (apparently) quite a part of it (you say you already 'love' her kids) suddenly withdraw? What might happen if you have a series of this type of 'temporary relationships' (which will affect your kids, believe me!).
Just things to think about - that you may not have ever had to think about before but now you both have children and that changes things completely.
I am a bit of a Dr. Laura fan. At 4 months in, you should never have even met her kids, or she yours.
I am sure you are nice people but I think that you both sound a bit immature (despite being parents so you probably aren't 16 still). What is your ultimate goal for this relationship? What is hers? What relative values do you put on raising your child vs. having a relationship? If this relationship should break up, what damage, if any, do you think will be done by having this someone new who was introduced into the children's lives and made (apparently) quite a part of it (you say you already 'love' her kids) suddenly withdraw? What might happen if you have a series of this type of 'temporary relationships' (which will affect your kids, believe me!).
Just things to think about - that you may not have ever had to think about before but now you both have children and that changes things completely.
I don't know who dr Laura is lol but after being exclusive within a couple of weeks it's only logical to meet each other's kids.
Cant see why 4 months why they shouldn't have let the kids meet?
They say it generally takes a couple (or even new friends, acquaintances, co-workers, etc) about 3 months to cycle through their entire range of moods/emotions as to how they respond/react to and handle life situations.... That's when you get to know somebody for who they really are - not who you want them to be.
The facebook crap is what it is, I guess. Sounds more than a bit trifling to me tho..
If monitoring everything on someone's fb page is how you gage whether or not a person's love is "genuine", then Lord help you both..lol
I don't know who dr Laura is lol but after being exclusive within a couple of weeks it's only logical to meet each other's kids.
Cant see why 4 months why they shouldn't have let the kids meet?
Thank you
London, it is because kids shouldn't be exposed to a revolving door of the parent's romances. They get attached, and then the guy is gone. Four months is too soon in a relationship to know if it will last. I would not expose my children to a man unless I knew for sure he was a keeper.
Sometimes kids blame themselves for their parent leaving. We know that OPs gf already went through at least one bf before him. A kid might think it was her fault, or learn to not form an attachment to others, because they all go away.
London, it is because kids shouldn't be exposed to a revolving door of the parent's romances. They get attached, and then the guy is gone. Four months is too soon in a relationship to know if it will last. I would not expose my children to a man unless I knew for sure he was a keeper.
Sometimes kids blame themselves for their parent leaving. We know that OPs gf already went through at least one bf before him. A kid might think it was her fault, or learn to not form an attachment to others, because they all go away.
Yes I understood that part and could see that happening sorry for not being clearer in my post but in the OPs case they were confident enough with each other to be exclusive after a few weeks then that suggests that they both view each other as keepers.
I know many would view a few weeks as too soon but they've made the decision so it would seem logical for the kids to meet. Don't forget even if you chose to wait a year for example there's still no guarantee that the relationship would last.
Yes I understood that part and could see that happening sorry for not being clearer in my post but in the OPs case they were confident enough with each other to be exclusive after a few weeks then that suggests that they both view each other as keepers.
I know many would view a few weeks as too soon but they've made the decision so it would seem logical for the kids to meet. Don't forget even if you chose to wait a year for example there's still no guarantee that the relationship would last.
Exactly.
The damage has already been done here, there's no point in dwelling on the "coulda, woulda, shoulda's " when the problem is staring them right in the face. lol
* It's all about how to proceed from here, so I guess start building a time machine..
You know, kids meet people all the time that aren't 'forever' people that they might like or form temporary attachment to, like a teacher, for instance. It doesn't destroy them.
Moving in and taking on a full time parent type role can be different but even that can be comparable to having a nanny or frequent babysitter or even neighbors that have become great friends but move.
I think too many people go too far in the "don't let him meet your kids" bit.
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