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I'm mid-30s, the GF is early 20s. There's a 13 year ago gap between us. She's a full-time grad student. We started off casually and moved in together after a few months of dating. We've been dating for 2 years now and I've provided all her tuition and expenses, as well as the perks of dating an established bachelor with disposable income and lots of toys.
Since she's young, she's still influenced by her peer group and the grad school social life. It has caused issue in our relationship early on. I made a point to allow her to feel as free as possible and no longer displayed jealous or insecure behavior. This helped a lot and she opened up to me a lot more over the years.
We haven't discussed marriage or kids directly, it's more of a vague or open ended comment here and there. Her girlfriend's are pretty cordial with me and privately state to me "you guys are an awesome couple", "I hope you guys get married". "I tell your GF all the time, how wonderful of a guy you are"., etc..
I'm conflicted because there are hints of us being serious; and at the same time, she expresses a want of independence and can be hot/cold, sometimes distant (We're both introverts).
Because of the ambiguity of the relationship and the uncertainty of dating a 20-something; I've been considering breaking it off for my own sanity. Her final grad school classes can be taken online. I have the opportunity to relocate across the country for leisurely life on the beach. My logic is that if she is serious, she'll relocate with me. If its all fake, and I'm more of a convenience for her I'd imagine she'd have an excuse to stay behind.
I'm mid-30s, the GF is early 20s. There's a 13 year ago gap between us. She's a full-time grad student. We started off casually and moved in together after a few months of dating. We've been dating for 2 years now and I've provided all her tuition and expenses, as well as the perks of dating an established bachelor with disposable income and lots of toys.
Since she's young, she's still influenced by her peer group and the grad school social life. It has caused issue in our relationship early on. I made a point to allow her to feel as free as possible and no longer displayed jealous or insecure behavior. This helped a lot and she opened up to me a lot more over the years.
We haven't discussed marriage or kids directly, it's more of a vague or open ended comment here and there. Her girlfriend's are pretty cordial with me and privately state to me "you guys are an awesome couple", "I hope you guys get married". "I tell your GF all the time, how wonderful of a guy you are"., etc..
I'm conflicted because there are hints of us being serious; and at the same time, she expresses a want of independence and can be hot/cold, sometimes distant (We're both introverts).
Because of the ambiguity of the relationship and the uncertainty of dating a 20-something; I've been considering breaking it off for my own sanity. Her final grad school classes can be taken online. I have the opportunity to relocate across the country for leisurely life on the beach. My logic is that if she is serious, she'll relocate with me. If its all fake, and I'm more of a convenience for her I'd imagine she'd have an excuse to stay behind.
It's generally not a good idea to test someone you supposedly love with "logic" like that.
It reads like you want to move to a new opportunity and are ambivalent about her being a part of that. If that's the case, then say so. She will know full well what her own choices are, although she may not be emotionally mature enough to make a choice that makes the most sense for both of you.
This doesn't even address the fact that you've been supporting her for these years and now are considering stopping that, which isn't the most important factor here but certainly will influence her emotional state and decision-making process.
Location: Foothills of Maryland Blue Ridge mountains
993 posts, read 760,331 times
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Ask her to move with you. If she refuses, then you're right and unfortunately your not a priority or she simply isn't ready to be tied down yet. But at least you'll know and can move ahead with you future. No more hanging out in limbo. Good luck.
Did you purposely omit the word "love" from your testimony? Do you feel either one of you have that emotion for the other? If not then you're basically just friends with benefits. She's too young for you anyway & probably should be dating others before settling in a committed relationship. You on the other hand come across as if you should relocate you can take her or leave her without any emotional feelings. You want to know where her head is but perhaps you should dwell on yours first.
I'm mid-30s, the GF is early 20s. There's a 13 year ago gap between us. She's a full-time grad student. We started off casually and moved in together after a few months of dating. We've been dating for 2 years now and I've provided all her tuition and expenses, as well as the perks of dating an established bachelor with disposable income and lots of toys.
You do realize this woman has been using you for your money, right?! I.e., you're paying for her tuition and expenses. If you weren't doing so, I'm sure she wouldn't be dating you.
Of course, some guys do the same thing. I know a couple in which the guy is a lazy bum & can't hold down a job. His wife busts her hump at a difficult job, while he sits @ home on his butt and does nothing.
Last edited by The Big Lebowski Dude; 01-29-2017 at 08:27 PM..
I have the opportunity to relocate across the country for leisurely life on the beach. My logic is that if she is serious, she'll relocate with me. If its all fake, and I'm more of a convenience for her I'd imagine she'd have an excuse to stay behind.
I always despised the premise of "tests" in relationships. Test me and I'll make sure I'll fail and be done with you. If we can't talk about issues openly and honestly and come to some consensus then we shouldn't be together.
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