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What I noticed is that the servers will automatically provide separate checks if the woman ordered on her own, and communicated with the server independently, generally. If the woman defers to the guy, and he orders for both of them, the server puts everything on one check. This seems to be the rule pretty much everywhere, where the servers have any training: NW, CA, SW, IME.
This sends an interesting message; if you're in a relationship, you're not supposed to do your own ordering, ask questions about items on the menu, and so forth, if you're a woman. Which IMO is half the fun in going out to dinner. I'm not going to surrender my fun, so I guess it's separate checks for the rest of my life. Whatever.
I never encounter that. One check. It's invariably handed to me. Since proper restaurant etiquette is that the waiter always takes the woman's order first and serves her first, I'm certainly not ordering for her.
If I told a man that I just wanted to be friends "for now", it would be a nice way of saying that I just wanted to be friends, period. I suppose that it could also mean that she wanted to take things slowly, but I personally would never dare use the phrase "let's just be friends" in any way, shape, or form, if I was the least bit interested in a man romantically. Those words are a romance killer.
Therefore, I would assume that your relationship with her will be platonic. My platonic friends and I alternate extending invitations to each other. So if I were you, I would not be the only one calling and asking to see each other. Sit back and let her call you up and take you out, as friends do.
It isnt stated so obviously, rather something along the lines of "i'd like to be friends first and see where that leads" implying that she wants to be open to a romantic possibility later.. but do you continue paying in the interim? Looks like the answer is quite fuzzy here. A lot of women will think its a continuation of the dating process.
The only people I ever pay for in my life is my girlfriend and family ( brothers, niece etc)
If she doesn't have the title "Cosmostars Girlfriend"
Yeah, he should stay away from women who start dating and then want to "downgrade" only to stick him with the bill. There's a lot of that going on among the posters here. Women are way more devious than I realized.
Whenever I hear stories about some girls wanting to immediately start off as friends with guys I generally see it as
You have been officially friend zoned
Just the way I see it.
No guy wants to waste their time making friends on a dating site
Almost all of them want a partner
Say a woman you met online tells you that she just wants to be friends "for now", still wants to hang out with you, but expects you to pickup the entire tab when you go out... is that a valid expectation? I guess I am asking what the expectation is of splitting the cost of dating these days when it's really "dating limbo" i.e. hanging in there to see if it becomes more than just friends?
My thinking was that when she mentions "just friends" it's automatically dutch whenever you hang out? Seems right?
No. I wouldn't treat her any differently from my male friends in the scenario you describe. I don't know what "automatically Dutch" means but occasionally I'll pick up the check as a favor, if I just got my tax return, on a birthday or something like that. 99% of the time you pay for what you order though.
It sounds like this girl identified you as someone she can string along and get free stuff from in the meantime. It's what some people call "Tinder Food Stamps" basically messaging a guy and showing interest in hopes of getting taken out on his dime with no intention of ever reciprocating. If you cut off the free meals, I wonder if she would stick around
I have a friend who's a girl, so I can speak from experience. When me and her go eat somewhere, each person pays for themselves. Excluding special occasions, where I'd treat her to an appetizer or a cocktail---or pitch in with her other friends to get her a real present---but that's about it. Not unlike how I'd act with my guy friends. (Me and her became friends only recently, so treating each other to a full dinner isn't warranted just yet; it's something I'd do for a family member or a long-time friend.)
The only thing I do differently with her than with my guy friends is walk her to her car when we're hanging out at night somewhere. It's got nothing to do with acting like a boyfriend. It's about making sure she's safe.
Whenever I hear stories about some girls wanting to immediately start off as friends with guys I generally see it as
You have been officially friend zoned
Just the way I see it.
No guy wants to waste their time making friends on a dating site
Almost all of them want a partner
Friendzone is harsh, but I think it's mostly the right choice of word for this particular situation. Anytime I meet someone and it starts off as friends and doesn't really move from that, I tend to lose interest. At the same time, I'm not stupid either. Generally, there's someone getting more of her time than myself and other guys. The shoe fits vice versa too, when I'm telling a woman I just want to be friends. I'm just not interested in her romantically and I don't want to feel guilty going out on dates with other women. Friendzone absolves people from guilt when doing what they want to do. If that person was really interested in you, I highly doubt they'd lead with a term like "friendzone". Most people know that term as not going to lead to romance.
that's why meeting for lunch and/or coffee works out... the guys pays but its < $20/per person so nothing of significance is expected.
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