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I decided three months ago that I'll give him more time. I really wanna be with him, but I know this cannot go on forever. I don't know yet when I would walk away, I guess I'm still hoping he'll come around at some point since he said he would.
Maybe I didn't express that right- I meant he doesn't want to find a compromise or accept my opinion sometimes, sometimes he just sticks to his own opinion and doesn't want to talk about it anymore.
I was kind of surprised when you wrote he had a brother. I would have guessed only child. You cannot have a viable long-term relationship with someone who:
* does not compromise
* does conflict avoidance rather than having a discussion about things
* when pressed, just says "that's the way it is" and gets angry with you
That's how a spoiled child acts, not a mature adult.
I certainly have my issues communicating, avoiding conflict, and the other standard list of things that trash a long term relationship. Older and wiser, I focus on them every day so I don't screw up the good relationship I'm in. Your boyfriend needs the relationship training manual.
I know, that's the weird thing. He isn't spoiled at all (Ok, he has a very clingy Mom who calls him every day and probably treated him like a prince but still) and he grew up in a middle class family and worked hard to get where he is now. He always takes care of his family, in every way. Family is very important to him. But at the same time, he avoids conflict and I feel like every time we disagree he gets pissed, and cannot just have a normal conversation about it and then make up. It always gets more difficult than that.
I know, that's the weird thing. He isn't spoiled at all (Ok, he has a very clingy Mom who calls him every day and probably treated him like a prince but still) and he grew up in a middle class family and worked hard to get where he is now. He always takes care of his family, in every way. Family is very important to him. But at the same time, he avoids conflict and I feel like every time we disagree he gets pissed, and cannot just have a normal conversation about it and then make up. It always gets more difficult than that.
It's not like this is the only guy on the planet with this problem. I'm the poster child for the conflict avoidance part. Back in the dark ages, there were things like premarital retreats where guys actually got some of this kind of relationship coaching. I never got any and didn't have a good parental role model. It took decades to work through what my relationship dynamic problems were and focus on not doing those things as a daily conscious activity.
I guess what I'm saying is that this guy needs some relationship coaching. He's not aware of his set of issues and the problems it is causing.
Focus on the non-existent Christmas presents for a minute. Hmmm, BF was NOT too busy to go shopping for and purchase a $100 present for his mom and a $100 present for his dad, even though he is already paying the rent in the apartment where they are living. Why didn't he say "Mom & Dad, I have spent hundreds and hundreds of dollars each month paying your rent for two years. That will take the place of my Christmas present this year." Nope, he took the time and spent the money on actual presents. Don't you deserve a present, too?
And, what crazy person would think that paying for a trip for a birthday in February takes the place of buying a Christmas present? Man, it isn't like your birthday was December 24 or 26 so he spent twice as much on a combination Christmas/Birthday trip. Sheesh!
And, then it sounds like he will end up blaming you for being disappointed for not getting a Christmas present. Double Sheesh!
If you were my friend or my daughter, I would advise you to start couple's therapy because I really doubt that this relationship can be saved. If I were a betting woman, I would give you 1,000 to 1 odds of you ever getting married (and 1,000,000,000 to 1 odds of being happily married).
Don't forget, Not too busy to spend the day at the beach with your nemesis.
It should go like "BF, I feel _____ when you _______"
Then, he should respond with "I understand, and I feel ______"
Then you both understand each other better and are closer to an actual solution.
When you said "I explained"
[Side note: where are you from?]
"I explained everything to him" I get a picture of you sitting him down like a child and pointing your finger and telling him what must happen.
That's not going to get a good response most of the time.
She will likely be charged a fee for this. Better if she just asks for the key back, or just grabs it if she sees it on the counter. .
Of course. Changing the locks would be a last resort, if the visitor refuses to relinquish the key. I thought that was clear. If it's the only way to get someone out, paying a fee would be a small price to pay to get the job done. Or, I guess the OP could wrestle it out of her hand or pocket, to save the lock-change fee.
Of course. Changing the locks would be a last resort, if the visitor refuses to relinquish the key. I thought that was clear. If it's the only way to get someone out, paying a fee would be a small price to pay to get the job done.
Locksmiths will only change locks at the request of the owner of the property, and proof of ownership is usually requested. This especially applies to apartment complexes. (Otherwise anyone could willy-nilly have locks changed for any building - what a fiasco that would be. )
Furthermore, someone mentioned that the other woman might be considered a tenant at this stage. Even though the property management might not yet know of her existence, they might have to go thru formal eviction procedures to get rid of her. Even if OP/bf had a friend come change the locks (vs an actual locksmith), she could call the police and get right back in. And it's not just about 'paying a fee' - there are severe penalties for an illegal eviction and/or putting someone's possessions outside.
All that is more than a bit overly-dramatic and moot........neither OP nor bf have asked for her key or told the woman to leave.
I better stop reading this thread otherwise I will have no hair left. I'm tearing my hair reading this thread on the Internet. Bf needs to be slapped around, figuratively, and not the girl.
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