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You're right, it's not enough. I don't know if I could live with it if he doesn't even want to try o work on it. I turn 29 in 3 days actually, so not that young anymore.
Ah! Well happy birthday a few days early! This would be a great time to give yourself a really great present: decide how you want your life to be, and set about creating it. You can do it!
Thanks again, everyone. I just talked to him again because I find this whole not talking to each other ridiculous. It's really hard to get through to him, but I said everything I wanted to say and I think he got it, well hope so. We talked about that girl. He also said he will try to not get mad every time he doesn't like my reaction of feelings. It's hard though to even get him to open his mouth and talk. He's just listening most of the time. I also told him that I want him to tell me things that bother him as well and that I don't want him to keep them to himself. He agreed. Ugh, then he still seemed pissed and I asked him if we're okay now and he said yes, but didn't seem so. As usual I had to be the one who went to him and gave him a hug and a kiss. Now we're okay.
Obviously that does NOT mean I'm not still questioning the relationship etc. But I needed to talk to him, I can't just not say those things. And I decided to go on that trip. So I guess for now the discussion here would be over, let's see if I start a new thread anytime soon
Ah! Well happy birthday a few days early! This would be a great time to give yourself a really great present: decide how you want your life to be, and set about creating it. You can do it!
I'm so sad. I KNEW what was gonna happen and that is almost exactly what happened.
I finally wanted to give him the gifts I got him for Christmas, so I told him in bed if he wants to exchange Christmas gifts now. He just said 'Sure', got up and suddenly started packing for our trip tomorrow and completely changed topic, like talking about what things we should take with us etc. I'm just sitting in bed, confused. Five minutes later- He's still packing- I ask him again- Do you want your gifts? And he goes 'Yes, sure'. He doesn't even sit down, stands next to the bed. I finally get the gifts out of my drawer and give them to me, trying not to show my disappointment about 1. him not mentioning that he has anything for me and 2. his whole reaction (Getting up and doing something else when I suggested to exchange gifts).
He unpacks the first gift, and I'm not good at hiding my feelings, so he just looks at my face for a second and sees my disappointment I guess, even though I didn't say anything. I can see how he gets mad and he asks what's up and why I'm making that face. I said it's okay and encourage him to unpack the gifts. He unpacks them, seems happy, says thanks about them and comes to me. I open my arms, smile, to give him a hug, he stops a meter in front of me because- I guess- still sees the disappointment in my face. I can literally see him getting pissed and he goes 'Now you're mad or what' and 'I can't believe you're making this face while you're giving me gifts'.
I ask him what face he expected and tell him calmly that I'm just disappointed because of him just quickly getting up when I suggested gift exchange and that I also expected him to have something for me. His face expressions turns super pissed and he said he doesn't get my problem, that his getting up had nothing to do with the gifts and that I AM the one who didn't want to give him the gifts these days (Umm what? All i said was that I wanna wait for a moment when that girl is gone, while he never even mentioned gifts). And he said 'Do I have to give gifts to you right now or what' and I said 'Well, Christmas was over a month ago' and he goes 'Well I have something but I cannot give it to you yet' and I say 'Why didn't you just say that before so I know and wouldn't be disappointed'. He just said 'Well, I just said it, didn't I'. I told him that he cannot just turn this whole thing around and blame me while I didn't do anything wrong. And that I sometimes feel like I'm walking on eggshells because when I show or tell him how I feel he just gets mad about it. He said 'Oh, so it's all my fault' and left the room. Now I'm sitting here crying and I cannot really understand why this happened.
OP.....In the scenario that you just wrote I can totally understand why your boyfriend got aggravated.
It's like you have a scene planned out in your mind, you literally wanted him to sit up and wait for you to present him with your gift.....and then you wanted him to present you with yours. When he didn't you couldn't hide your pouty disappointed face. Am I right??
I think beyond the visitor and all your feelings about that....That you and he have some real issues that have not been addressed.
I sense that you might have a level of neediness that you've disguised in this thread....your posts always seem so controlled and rational.....even when you should be angry like with the visitors rudeness.
I don't want to offend you, but it does seem like you may be presenting your side in such a way that at least I think this guy must be a big jerk....When the truth may be that you behave a bit immaturely when things do not go your way. Asking you to be honest......
A good thing for you and your boyfriend to do would be couples counseling.....it would be my strongest suggestion especially prior to marriage.
I do wish you well. But, I fear that this is just the start of more complaining.....I hope that I'm wrong. But, try to at least pretend not to be disappointed at everything your boyfriend does....it may give you two a chance to regroup and a break from what must be an extreme tense feeling between you. Good luck
How am I the one creating drama? We were finally alone, in a great mood and I want to give him his gifts. He doesn't even seem interested in the gifts, but I give them to him anyways. I feel disappointed, but I try to HIDE it because I DO NOT want drama. I didn't even say at first 'You don't have anything for me'. I smiled and felt disappointed, but I just wanted him to have his gifts and that's it. HE was the one who apparently saw disappointment in my face and got angry immediately. I'm not the one who created drama at all.
Why? Why did you give them to him, even though he'd walked away and got busy with something else? The thing to have done was to say, "Don't you want your gifts?"
Him: "I just told you I did."
You: "Then why did you suddenly get up and walk away, to put your attention elsewhere?"
Him: "What's wrong with that? What's your problem?"
You: "I'll give them to you when you're ready. You're busy right now. We can do this tomorrow."
OP, These scenes your playing out for us are not the first time he's discounted you like this. I'm sure this has been going on for years. You're posting here as if this is a new thing, but to tell you the truth, all of it sounds very familiar, including the "clingy mother" who calls daily.
Why have you put up with this for years? You only have yourself to blame. There's nothing anyone anywhere on the internet can tell you. You have to decide for yourself when enough is enough. There's no point in rehashing scenes with internet strangers, because nothing will change until you decide you can find someone better.
Thanks again, everyone. I just talked to him again because I find this whole not talking to each other ridiculous. It's really hard to get through to him, but I said everything I wanted to say and I think he got it, well hope so. We talked about that girl. He also said he will try to not get mad every time he doesn't like my reaction of feelings. It's hard though to even get him to open his mouth and talk. He's just listening most of the time. I also told him that I want him to tell me things that bother him as well and that I don't want him to keep them to himself. He agreed. Ugh, then he still seemed pissed and I asked him if we're okay now and he said yes, but didn't seem so. As usual I had to be the one who went to him and gave him a hug and a kiss. Now we're okay.
Obviously that does NOT mean I'm not still questioning the relationship etc. But I needed to talk to him, I can't just not say those things. And I decided to go on that trip. So I guess for now the discussion here would be over, let's see if I start a new thread anytime soon
Is he by any chance high-functioning autistic or mildly autistic? Undiagnosed, perhaps?
But it wasn't always like that. The first few years, he always got me something for Christmas and bdays. Apparently this year and two years ago he just decided to not get me anything even though we agreed to get us something.
So, he always bought you gifts for Christmas and your birthday the "first few years".
Did he start "forgetting" to buy gifts shortly after you started living together?
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