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I can't believe I read this whole thread. It's very, very long. I'm glad that the interloper finally left. It seems pretty straightforward to me and I'm baffled by the drama involved... if someone makes me feel uncomfortable IN MY OWN HOUSE, they are shown the door. Life is way too short to allow people to walk all over you and cause trouble. Give 'em the boot. Here's your hat, go poop in it, right?
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The problem was that the guest appeared to be playing one against the other; she was flattering the host every day, laying it on thick, so why would he want her to leave? While she was giving the cold shoulder to the hostess, barely even responding when spoken to. It can be a good way to drive a wedge between a couple, if one of them's dumb enough to fall for the flattery. But this also exposed pre-existing issues between the couple, where he deals with potential conflict by avoidance, and he also has a tendency to blame his gf if there's a difference of opinion.
Not that any of this needed to turn into a conflict at all, but the bf chose to treat it that way.
As you say--not a good sign for an LTR or marriage. Most women wouldn't be interested in a guy who doesn't back them up when someone's being rude to them.
The OP doesn't need to make a diagnosis. One benefit of this situation is that it brought these weaknesses in their relationship to the forefront. Now she has some tough decisions to make.
And why exactly are gifts such a huge deal after living together for four years... Seems like an excuse to find problems where there aren't necessarily any...
Yap. Told the OP I also can't relate about her gift hangup. OP also said this thread is about done. Good for her, she is getting off this forum. And having a good time on her b-day vacay getaway with the BF minus unnecessary outside influences aka this thread.
The problem was that the guest appeared to be playing one against the other; she was flattering the host every day, laying it on thick, so why would he want her to leave? While she was giving the cold shoulder to the hostess, barely even responding when spoken to. It can be a good way to drive a wedge between a couple, if one of them's dumb enough to fall for the flattery. But this also exposed pre-existing issues between the couple, where he deals with potential conflict by avoidance, and he also has a tendency to blame his gf if there's a difference of opinion.
Not that any of this needed to turn into a conflict at all, but the bf chose to treat it that way.
As you say--not a good sign for an LTR or marriage. Most women wouldn't be interested in a guy who doesn't back them up when someone's being rude to them.
I cannot relate because there's no way, ever, in a million years that my husband would stand by while his "friend" was rude to me. I know this absolutely. I could count on him to say, "Hey, that's not okay." And I'd do the same for him. There's no way it would be this long, drawn-out process, either. I'm just baffled about how long this whole thing took! If someone entered my home and was downright rude to me, I wouldn't care who wanted what or whose friend she was... she'd be pooping in her hat on the sidewalk... see yaaaa!
Not everyone who doesn't give a crap about your feelings is autistic,he didn't care that you were gone for weeks and wanted to spend time with him,he didn't care that you were unhappy about the silence between you,you had to go talk to him.
Of course not. It's simply a process of elimination because of a few of his very specific behaviors.
Quote:
He doesn't care,find someone who does.
Certainly this is possible but not a conclusion one can make without eliminating other possibilities.
A former friend is married to a rude, controlling, selfish sob. She made tons of excuses for his behavior - including autism. Notice I said 'former' friend.
I simply asked her if he is to eliminate that possibility. I don't get your indignation, or your inferred diagnosis based on what your friend did.
I simply asked her if he is to eliminate that possibility. I don't get your indignation, or your inferred diagnosis based on what your friend did.
Not sure what you don't get or why; it's not that complicated - and I made no diagnosis. The point is that pulling medical conditions out of the air as an excuse for rude/uncaring behavior is .....lame.
You need to put her in her place. Walk out to the living room after you get out of the shower. Nothing but a towel Tell him you need him. Walk him to the bedroom. Be loud. Repeat.
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It's very, very long. 
