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I'm totally confused. Why would he be ok with adoption? What's the difference between adopting a child vs having a biological one? It's not like he's the one that goes through the pregnancy.
I would advise her to have a very honest discussion with her husband, and that's about it. There's always a lot that goes on within a marriage that a third party has no idea about.
If he doesn't want kids and she does, then no one will be happy in this marriage.
Usually, I offer that this is an issue that should have been discussed before saying, "I do." But if your account is accurate, the question of children was indeed brought up and decided, only to have the husband change his mind.
People do indeed have the right to change their minds. About children. But also about the marriage itself.
In truth, life is about making difficult choices. You don't always get everything you want. Sounds as if your friend is facing that very question right now. She will have to decide which is more important to her: Children or her current marriage. Don't offer advice, but rather simply clarify her choices.
I would just encourage her to consider all the factors involved. How happy is she in her marriage otherwise? If it's really happy, is she willing to give that up to pursue the POSSIBILITY of children. I have friends right now who are struggling to adopt and find a surrogate at the same time. They BOTH really want kids. Your friend could ditch her husband and never quite manage to have a child. And I've heard numerous stories about guys who say they don't want kids changing their minds in their 40s.
Also, I'm wary of people who are willing to walk away from a marriage in favor of having children. I'm 40 now, and my stance on having children was perfectly consistent until it wasn't. I was about 38 when I realized I wasn't into the idea AT ALL. I kind of wonder about people with such a strong craving for a child - so many people want to have kids because they think it will fix their problems or unhappiness. But that puts a lot of burden on a kid.
Finally, she must contemplate whether she will resent her husband if she stays and they never have kids. That's a big one.
She should probably talk with a therapist to discuss her options and future happiness.
She needs a serious sitdown with him and if he keeps saying "maybe" say he needs to be able to say he's ready to start trying within...6 months, 12 months, whatever timeframe she is comfortable with in terms of time for him to consider. And that is not a deadline for him to only confirm that he WANTS kids and then have him say he wants to start 5 years from now! That just allows him to stretch things out further and further and is not fair to the OP's friend. She needs a firm deadline and to stick with it otherwise she could be childless at 40 and in a real bind.
She needs a serious sitdown with him and if he keeps saying "maybe" say he needs to be able to say he's ready to start trying within...6 months, 12 months, whatever timeframe she is comfortable with in terms of time for him to consider. And that is not a deadline for him to only confirm that he WANTS kids and then have him say he wants to start 5 years from now! That just allows him to stretch things out further and further and is not fair to the OP's friend. She needs a firm deadline and to stick with it otherwise she could be childless at 40 and in a real bind.
She is 33 so this is not really that old. There is time. But she needs to know that he WANTS it.
You do realize that the end result of adoption is having children right? Also, pets and kids are not quite the same thing either. Very strange advice. Maybe they should just order a pizza and call it a day.
So you got pregnant accidentally and that solved the problem? Or you just went ahead and got pregnant over your husband's objections? In this case, I don't think that would be possible. Wife wouldn't do it.
There was no OBJECTION, just not a discussion that even got beyond "someday". Someday came, that's all.
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