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Which makes me wonder why you felt the need to ask US? Think we are going to give you better or different information?
I assume that this was the purpose of your post, so I hope you don't mind if I ignore it as it is irrelevant.
Re: tragedy. You are already worried about the demise of your marriage due to a natural part of life that happens to every healthy, normal person on earth. That's not catastrophizing? That's not borrowing trouble?
Calm down and accept that this is all very normal and the vast majority of people get through it without ever having to post to a board full of strangers.
Thank you for the ASSumptions!
For the rest of you who answered thanks it helps doesn't feel like I'm the only one who is or has gone though this.
A lot of married couples go through this, it's an annoyance but not a huge divorce factor.
Does your wife's doctor say she is going through menopause? The one symptom you shared is she is tired. Has she had her thyroid checked?
What advice are you looking for?
I went through menopause early. Irritable? Probably, but who can tell from normal? I had to have a hysterectomy. I had problems sleeping. I had hot flashes.
Doctor has me on plant estrogen, which is over the counter.
Do you think your marriage can survive all that?
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Good heavens, reed, you act like your wife is possibly going to turn into a demon or something. I went through surgically-induced menopause at age 43 and lived successfully through all the accompanying symptoms, including night sweats, hot flashes, irritability, etc. even though I woke up from the surgery with an HRT patch. I had only been married 2 years at that point, but there was no change in our relationship at all. Plus I still functioned as a professional at work (except when I suddenly had to fan myself due to a surprise hot flash - that amused all of my male co-workers no end. ) If your wife sees her gynecologist (and she should), why don't you go with her and get factual information as to what BOTH of you might expect as she goes through the process? It should help you help her at the very least.
I believe my mom had HRT and got lung cancer. She never smoked. I never use them. I've heard eating yam is good.
Your mom may have been given the old horse-urine-based hormones. Now they have plant-based ones, which are supposed to be safer, though a study hasn't been done yet. Patients and their doctors have to weigh whether going without the hormones might be more risky than taking them for a few years, until symptoms subside. There are pros and cons to both options.
I'm 63 now and I went through menopause at 55. I was in perimenopause for probably five or so years before that. It is different for everyone. Some women breeze through it and some have more severe symptoms.
If your wife is at all interested in learning about some natural approaches, I highly recommend that you both take a look at the book New Menopausal Years: Alternative Approaches for Women 30-90 by Susun Weed. There were many times during this period (ha) when I was wondering, "Good grief, is this yet another symptom?" and I would look in this book and yup, there it was. So at least I didn't feel totally alone.
Some of the symptoms I can recall offhand were: inability to sleep, waking from sleep with a panicked feeling, dry itchy skin, formication (not nearly as fun as what it sounds like, alas--it's the feeling that insects are crawling on or just under your skin), skipped periods followed by menstrual flooding, irritability (although some of that might just be my personality), and strangely, I lost my until then near-perfect ability to spell words.
Annoying as they were, most of the symptoms just came and went over periods of days, weeks or months. The last to leave were the hot flashes. I still get one or two a month.
I've been married for 25 years at this point, and I would just say to my DH, "Here's something new," and tell him what was going on. He sympathized but didn't try to fix me or coddle me. And he never once acted like he didn't believe me, which was for me the most important thing.
Since it sounds like physical intimacy is very important to both of you, I would make sure that your wife keeps a good brand of moisturizer for her lady parts on hand, in case there is ever an issue with dryness down there.
That is a very good description. My wife and I are there. In the midst.
I love the fact that many men believe this is something they and their wife go through, rather than acting like their lives are so miserable because of it. My husband has been very understanding, though I am not nearly as much! WTF is my body going through and why??? That's rhetorical, but it's been quite frustrating to me to have such weird things going on. I just turned 50 and have been going through perimenopause for at least 2 years. My body is throwing a temper tantrum and it's ticking me off!
Fortunately, my husband has been totally understanding. The previous poster who said that sex is good, but it has to be started before our bodies remember that fact is so right! I could go months and months without thinking about it, but once we get going, I do enjoy every minute of it. Lots of men wouldn't get that, but I am so lucky that my husband does!
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) If your wife sees her gynecologist (and she should), why don't you go with her and get factual information as to what BOTH of you might expect as she goes through the process? It should help you help her at the very least.
