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I realize before I start this is going to sound like so much whining, but here goes anyway. I have 3 kids. I have twin boys 25, and a daughter 22. One of my boys is married and since he's been married he spends most of his time with his wife's family. I'm divorced, and spend a lot of time alone, so it really bugs me that he rarely comes over or calls. Recently I ran into his inlaws and they told me how they'd been invited over to watch movies on my son & wife's new tv. I haven't been invited over yet. On holidays they spend most of the day with her folks. Last year they didn't even come over on xmas at all, but came the day after. My parents and I are always 2nd after her people. My son is forever saying he'll be over Saturday or Sunday, then doesn't show up or call. I make my plans based on that stuff, then I sit around. My daugher has a new boyfriend and she's busy with work and starting out in a new apartment with this fella. My other son, still lives at home. He quit his job and has been unemployed for months and I feel used by him too. To make a long story longer, I've tried to be a good Mom to all my kids. I've helped with money, I've co-signed car loans, I've listened to their ups and downs and been there when they needed me. Now I feel deserted and take for granted. Is this normal? Do all parents go thru this? I do date and have a full-time job as a nurse so I'm not twiddling my thumbs but it hurts all the same. Anyway, going thru it and how did you handle it? Thanks for your input.
Hi Mom... Kudos to you! I have five grown children and they either keep coming back to the nest or fly away and rarely contact me! My youngest is 20, and while she's at home, she does work and help out with things if I need it. My oldest, (26) was on his own, ran into a rough patch, moved back home and has stayed. No job search, nothing! I truly don't mind helping out, but sometimes it seems like I'm being used! When I was his age, I had five kids, a job and a mortgage! Yikes!
Unless the couple lives a lot nearer to the husband's parents than the wife's, it's quite common for married couples to gravitate toward the wife's side of the family. I don't know why, but that's often how it shakes out.
Unless the couple lives a lot nearer to the husband's parents than the wife's, it's quite common for married couples to gravitate toward the wife's side of the family. I don't know why, but that's often how it shakes out.
I also have heard this is generally the norm around holiday time when a couple hasn't been married for to long. I know after my Uncle got married the second time my Grandma and Grandpa didn't see him and his new wife much around the holidays for the first few years because they were spending it with her her side of the family.
I also have heard this is generally the norm around holiday time when a couple hasn't been married for to long. I know after my Uncle got married the second time my Grandma and Grandpa didn't see him and his new wife much around the holidays for the first few years because they were spending it with her her side of the family.
Yeah, and it's getting harder to fill everyone's familial demands these days, what with families now spread out across the country and so many parents split up. Sometimes something has to give, and for whatever reason, the wife's family (or mother if they are split) is typically the winner.
My parents have both passed away, so I don't know much about this. What I do know, however, coming from a blended family of six children; is that one of my brothers wife did not allow him to see our family for the very longest time.
He lived fifteen minutes from another brother of mine, and just like you said, he said he would be there, he said he would come, but never did.
Not until our last parent passed, my mother. I am the baby of the family. I am 34 now. So, my wasband and I would now go to my mother in laws place on holidays, but Thanksgiving was always the holiday the holiday to be spent with my family. However, my parent decided to move about 4 hours away from everyone else. So, it was difficult.
Now, it is even more difficult. We are separated, and have two children. What had turned into my family, now is not. His family are no longer my family. That is how they make it to be. So, I have... no one as far as family goes, unless I travel 4 hours north.
Dont make yourself a nuissance, but how about this? Instead of waiting around for them to come to you, why not go to them? Not all the time. Just some of the time.
A question. How new is your one son to this marriage? Sometimes people need some time, and do they have children?
But, in essence, it seems as though she has a bit of 'the way' in the marriage, having it be that they spend time with her family.
Of cource, I do not know the whole story. I say, if you can, be a part of their lives, not waiting for them to be a part of yours.
I say this, because I have no one. If only just a minute back with my parents, until I meet them again, upon my judgement day.
Unless the couple lives a lot nearer to the husband's parents than the wife's, it's quite common for married couples to gravitate toward the wife's side of the family. I don't know why, but that's often how it shakes out.
Sounds pretty normal to me too. When the OP's daughter gets married, her mother-in-law will probably be mad that they spend their main holiday time with the OP.
Daughters are generally closer to their families, they make more of an effort to stay connected to their parents than sons do. I often urge my husband to spend more time visiting/calling his parents and he usually says "Nah."
Sometimes, even grown children, are still children. I'm not trying to be harsh here, but maybe they don't respect you enough. You say you are a good mom to them because you co-sign on loans, you help them out with money, etc. Being a good parent sometimes means they need to learn their lessons in life on their own. If they got into financial trouble tough love can be a wonderful lesson for them. At the time, they may feel like they can't count on you, but in the long run, they will see why you did what you did and respect you for it.
I wish you good luck!
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