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Old 04-17-2017, 01:44 PM
 
5 posts, read 3,338 times
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Thanks all. Maybe it's time to take advantage of the work's counselling service!
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Old 04-17-2017, 02:04 PM
 
Location: SoCal again
20,707 posts, read 19,880,600 times
Reputation: 43041
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lillyhopper View Post
The main thing I've been telling people is that we grew apart and wanted different things. In essence that's true, but the reason why I want to be able to talk to my friends is that he was gay, and of course things aren't really going to last after that revelation. I was the one who ended the relationship because neither of us were happy. But it's not very easy to say that to people when they avoid the subject of the split altogethe.
what? Thank you for revealing this tiny, almost unimportant fact

You don't grow apart and then turn gay!!

Nobody wants to talk about it because most guys are uncomfortable with gay talk. The rest of your friends is probably speechless it turned out that way and how you describe "the problem"


I am speechless myself. You talk like it is a normal breakup and then you casually mention he is gay and I think WTF?
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Old 04-17-2017, 02:10 PM
 
Location: Middle America
37,409 posts, read 53,412,743 times
Reputation: 53067
The most likely reasons for friends avoiding the topic with you are that:

1. They are also your ex's friends and find that to be awkward. Especially if they knew or suspected the sexuality issue, or if it's a problem for them.

Or

2. They're not great friends.
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Old 04-17-2017, 04:44 PM
 
6,822 posts, read 6,616,037 times
Reputation: 3769
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lillyhopper View Post
I've recently separated with my ex-partner of 3 years. We were engaged and owned a home together. I am now back dating. However, I've found that my friends are not willing to chat about my emotions that aresstill raw after the separation or even acknowledge that I am no longer with my ex, which in turn makes it awkward to talk about my dating experiences which I could do with advice on. Has anyone else experienced this and do you have any advice?
thank you for further confirming that I don't want to get emotionally invested in a woman.. only to have her back out after we buy a home together. lol

don't compare to your ex.. don't talk about your ex. just talk about the situations of people you are dating..

It's not that hard really.
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Old 04-17-2017, 05:48 PM
 
3,852 posts, read 4,140,301 times
Reputation: 7866
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikelee81 View Post
thank you for further confirming that I don't want to get emotionally invested in a woman.. only to have her back out after we buy a home together. lol

don't compare to your ex.. don't talk about your ex. just talk about the situations of people you are dating..

It's not that hard really.
I'm sure she didn't want to get emotionally invested in a gay man, either.

Buying a house together does not commit one to staying with a gay spouse, for Christ's sake.
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Old 04-17-2017, 09:02 PM
 
Location: Middle America
37,409 posts, read 53,412,743 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikelee81 View Post
thank you for further confirming that I don't want to get emotionally invested in a woman.. only to have her back out after we buy a home together. lol
LOL.

She backed out because he likes men.

I suppose it seems more reasonable to respond to this reality with a, "Hey, I know you're gay and all, and ordinarily, that's a dealbreaker, but since we bought this house together back when it was my understanding that you were straight, you know...I'll just live with it"
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Old 04-18-2017, 10:43 AM
 
12,585 posts, read 16,913,090 times
Reputation: 15255
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lillyhopper View Post
Thanks all. Maybe it's time to take advantage of the work's counselling service!
Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve View Post
what? Thank you for revealing this tiny, almost unimportant fact

You don't grow apart and then turn gay!!

Nobody wants to talk about it because most guys are uncomfortable with gay talk. The rest of your friends is probably speechless it turned out that way and how you describe "the problem"


I am speechless myself. You talk like it is a normal breakup and then you casually mention he is gay and I think WTF?
Right!!!!!

That is HUGE!! I think he was growing apart and toward men.

Sorry but you need to hop to a different Lilly pad.
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Old 04-18-2017, 09:33 PM
 
Location: PRC
6,917 posts, read 6,832,021 times
Reputation: 6517
So, are these friends also friends of his too?

Basically, this is an issue that most people SHOULD be able to talk about in an open way and if they have problems with it, then you need to make sure you dont. There is no reason why being gay should stop you being friends with the guy (your ex) and it will make things so much easier on everyone if you are.

People realise they are gay all the time and for all kinds of reasons. It does not mean they should be shunned (and I am not saying you are doing this). Maybe the Universe is challenging you and your friends to accept this happens and could happen to any one of us. They need to grow up and accept things like this happen.

Often gay guys are both good looking and nice to women and it is often what women are looking for - a friend as well as a partner, so it is understandable that when he was unsure which way to swing, you were both attracted to each other. Looking at it another way, you have been helpful to him in allowing him to make up his mind which way he wanted to live his life. Be grateful he has done this now rather than later when you were married with kids.
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Old 04-18-2017, 09:38 PM
 
Location: Middle America
37,409 posts, read 53,412,743 times
Reputation: 53067
Quote:
Originally Posted by ocpaul20 View Post
There is no reason why being gay should stop you being friends with the guy (your ex) and it will make things so much easier on everyone if you are.
It's entirely possible that there are a million reasons to choose not to remain friendly.
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