Healthy relationships in a porn era (cheating, children, sex, pregnancy)
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This is one of those subjects and areas where I'm glad I don't have kids and have to really confront this issue. Porn has gotten out of hand and it's crazy. Young people, women included, are learning things in a skewed fashion. Porn detaches some of the emotional elements and I think young people are probably going to be misguided in what is real sex and what is the scripted stuff.
I saw a documentary of the behind the scenes type stuff in the porn biz and it showed the actual technical making of a porno film and it was god awfully boring. The director yells cut and starts telling the guy to change is body position or whatever it was and it just looked really weird to see, it wasn't "sexy" at all, not that this is germane to the thread just noting how most real sex isn't like what you see in the air brushed and with the Oprah style lighting that you see in porn, at least the higher end productions.
Saw a film call Don Jon and it was about a porn addict and it starred Joseph Gordon Levitt. I think it really captured the porno culture and was a pretty decent film.
Last edited by Chowhound; 04-18-2017 at 02:27 PM..
I saw a documentary of the behind the scenes type stuff in the porn biz and it showed the actual technical making of a porno film and it was god awfully boring. The director yells cut and starts telling the guy to change is body position or whatever it was and it just looked really weird to see, it wasn't "sexy" at all, not that this is germane to the thread just noting how most real sex isn't like what you see in the air brushed and with the Oprah style lighting that you see in porn, at least the higher end productions.
Right. Porn sex is a performance, and they're doing things that look good on camera, not necessarily stuff that actually feels good. I've read some things by female porn actresses, and a lot of them talk about how there's little pleasure at all in what they're doing on film.
The fact remains that neither they, nor "a friend," stumble across porn on accident. They found it because they were looking for it. For instance, I don't think my son will find it while searching for Rescue Bots Transformers videos on youtube. If they are looking, it's because they are curious.
this isn't true. i am on an app for posting, what started out as just photos, but what is now for everything. it is the only social media app that i have. the only online thing, besides this site, that i participate in. i get a lot of porn accounts that either like one or a few of my pictures or start following me or comment some ridiculous comment that doesn't even make sense to the picture they are commenting on. i always block and delete them. but their pictures are always always explicit. i report them too. but the point is, they are out there being thrown in your face. they also sometimes show up just if i am doing a basic search, not even anything specific, just touching the explore button, there it is! porn. grouped in with cute animals and pretty sunsets. you can type in something as innocent as "disneyland" and you will come across porn. again, these accounts get reported, but if i am finding them so easily very often, i know that other people, i.e. kids and teens, are also seeing them. i definitely never go looking for it. i have seen very explicit pictures there on that app which shall remain nameless.
I plan on introducing my children to various vices on MY parental terms and timeline.
While a lot of my college buddies got into trouble with alcohol because it was exciting and new found freedom, I was introduced into it on my parent's terms while I was in my early teens. By the time I was in college, it was no big deal... I had the maturity to handle it. The rules of my parent's house was that I wasn't allowed to leave the home after the first drink. I understood very clearly why. I think I had my first glass of wine at age 10.
I believe the same goes for education about sex and intimacy. My father had the "talk' with me at an early age. He didn't have an oppressed view of it.. it wasn't taboo (although he was from a fairly conservative background). At the end of the discussion, he emphasized that he didn't care so much about the act as much as the risk of disease and pregnancy. He even said he would buy me protection if I felt I was too embarrassed/scared to get it myself.
He also found my stash of porn as a teen and re-emphasized the lessons. Explained that pornography is like movies.... it is a fantasy that doesn't necessarily reflect real life. That "bad" porn that treats women with a high degree of disrespect is just as damaging as movies that portray violence. Keep things in perspective. At the end, he didn't even confiscate my "stash".
I've had a promiscuous past... sure... The lessons I picked up that included people deserve respect and that sex is something to be respected was carried all through life. I think I have a healthy view on sex and intimacy... albeit a bit different from many here. It is my choice... my life.... and I've had wonderful people in my life that I shared sex and intimacy (or both). Many are still important figures in my life.
The same goes with a lot of other things in life.... guns, alcohol, sex, and intimacy. Don't shy away... Don't let your children get "exposed" to those things. Take parental role seriously and "introduce" it to them in a healthy manner.. on your terms.
I find this horrifying. At least with Playboy and Penthouse, the pictures didn't move, moan and scream. Now, it appears that boys -- and girls, by extension -- are "learning" all about sex -- but nothing about love and relationships. How do we teach kids what constitutes a good relationship?
With all due respect, I'm very tired of the endless complaints all over the internet about how "kids these days have ruined everything." Without fail, the complaints are either utterly groundless or paint a rosy picture of the past that doesn't match reality.
For recent generations, it was "dirty" magazines, which we're to pretend are totally different than internet sex because... I guess people can't imagine what they are about, or something. Before that, we had people getting married and pregnant in their late teens or very early 20's, which is much earlier than on average today. I don't buy for one moment that "internet porn has ruined relationships."
The problem isn't "oh, no, sex! A boob!" - it's people and how they handle relationships. If anything has "ruined" relationships these days, it's the ludicrous demands people place on their perspective partners, where shopping for a mate has become much like shopping for tools or shoes - there's always a better model out there, and you may as well toss the one you have for something better.
That is all true, but again, the OP isn't about how you "use porn" in a healthy adult relationship.
It's about how early and repeated exposure to porn is affecting kids' emotional development and attitudes toward sex and potential sex/romantic partners.
Yes, the same as it has since early man created carved statues of hyper-sexualized men and women and used them in various fertility and coming of age rituals. Again, I don't buy for a moment that a digital boob or an actual video of people performing the act makes any real difference. Heck, if anything, I'd think that a porn video by showing all the details in their often questionable glory, could be a turn OFF on some level since it removes the fantasy and substitutes reality, which may not be that pretty depending upon what type of video is being watched.
Long story short, while plenty of valid discussions can be had about when and how to educate the next generation on sex and relationships, and plenty more topics can be written by about why so many relationships go nowhere these days, it's a real stretch to claim that internet porn is the culprit, as if humanity just invented the ability to draw "naughty" pictures.
I don't buy for a moment that a digital boob or an actual video of people performing the act makes any real difference. ... Heck, if anything, I'd think that a porn video by showing all the details in their often questionable glory, could be a turn OFF on some level since it removes the fantasy and substitutes reality, which may not be that pretty depending upon what type of video is being watched.
And you'd be dead wrong.
I'm sure it's easy to be dismissive when you apparently have no actual RECENT daily experience with preteens to tell you otherwise.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
A "digital boob"? Early and repeated exposure to today's porn is not even close to the same thing as "cave drawings" or Hustlers under the bed. This isn't just pearl-clutching; it's proven.
A lot of men and boys cannot distinguish porn from reality and think that what women do in porn is what every day women enjoy or want when it's not reality. And a lot of women and girls think they must do it because men expect or demand it.
For example, a lot of men are obsessed with "lesbian sex." This is because of porn. In reality, lesbian women are not sexually attracted to men and are not trying to have threesomes with them.
And the porn that is popular these days is about inflicting pain on women and forcing them to do degrading acts.
Last edited by Atlanta_BD; 04-18-2017 at 08:32 PM..
I turned 24 not long ago, and I am positive that article was falsified. At least not where I'm from. Back in College and HS I found the girls would do more sexual harassing then the boys. At least for me. The difference was the girls knew they would never get caught, and the guys knew if they did what the girls did they would be subjected to criminal charges immediately. It was quite biased, but I didn't mind lol. You just have to know the difference between Romantic and Sexual interests and which upholds the majority of a person's enticement.
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This isn't just pearl-clutching; it's proven.
