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Thank you. Obviously I am not looking for casual sex.
It can definitely be hard to find the right match. I know black women who seem to be happy with their partners, but I don't see a ton of black women who are with men I would personally want for myself. So I feel your pain. I haven't read the thread yet though so I don't know what's been discussed.
I will just add that it doesn't matter as much about race as it does that men of a certain income level, want a woman who increases their prestige with others. Makes them look good, in other words.
OP certainly has the education to enhance a mans prestige. Beyond that, maybe she doesn't look the part? Maybe she is too aloof? Only she can say.
My looks aren't the problem.
What is too aloof implying?
It can definitely be hard to find the right match. I know black women who seem to be happy with their partners, but I don't see a ton of black women who are with men I would personally want for myself. So I feel your pain. I haven't read the thread yet though so I don't know what's been discussed.
This is the thread in a nutshell:
Honestly I said I wanted to date a black male. People were upset. I explained I value generational wealth that should be kept in the black community. People were saying black women are unfeminine while Asian women are perceived as feminine. I was saying that from my objective standpoint full Asian women are not more beautiful than black women. And while I find them cute, I rarely find them hot or really stunning.
A black guy came in who felt the need to say I am race-obsessed although he admitted to preferring Latinas I told him I wouldn't find him attractive in the first place because of lack of intelligence. I would agree that most men I see black women with I am not attracted to but I can say the same for Asian women.
On that note, another user and I were in a quarrel because stating my subjective but objective opinion means I am race-obsessed. She admitted she doesn't hang out with black women because she sees us as race-obsessed monsters. If more than black women feel this strongly you would think she should understand that it's a widespread problem. I said she should have empathy because black women deal with both racism and sexism and her as a mixed white/Asian female doesn't have to deal with this intersectionality. Then she accused me of being a SJW, saying that social justice warriors are a problem and it was all downhill while I tried to explain to her the reason why the country has progressed is because of people who care deeply about issues like this..not through moderates like herself.
Honestly I said I wanted to date a black male. People were upset. I explained I value generational wealth that should be kept in the black community. People were saying black women are unfeminine while Asian women are perceived as feminine. I was saying that from my objective standpoint full Asian women are not more beautiful than black women. And while I find them cute, I rarely find them hot or really stunning.
Then another user and I were in a quarrel because stating my subjective but objective opinion means I am race-obsessed. She admitted she doesn't hang out with black women because she sees us as race-obsessed monsters. I said she should have empathy because black women deal with both racism and sexism and her as a mixed white/Asian female doesn't have to deal with this intersectionality. Then she accused me of being a SJW, saying that social justice warriors are a problem and it was all downhill while I tried to explain to her the reason why the country has progressed is because of people who care deeply about this..not through moderates like herself.
Ok, thanks for the recap! I think it's ok if you prefer a black man. Many people prefer to date within their own race and there's nothing wrong with that. But you might find that the pool of eligible black men is quite small depending on what you're willing to accept. I'll just be honest and say that black men have never been my preference, but dating is challenging regardless.
So I have posted indeed here before but I am not this same woman, man or troll that posted above but I have virtually the same question and they outlined it well.
I really wish when two or more black women posted the same thing you didn't assume we are the same person. It's a nation-wide phenomenon...no one wants to date black women...so when more than one black woman complains about it online--that is natural outcome.
I see this same behavior on Reddit....of course other black women besides me feel this way...look around. The same people who want to say I am the same poster as the woman (or whomever) above are ironically the same ones vocal about their lack of attraction to black women. If people were dating black women many black women wouldn't come online complaining. We are not all one person. There's not only one educated black woman online. Black women are the most educated group in the country--we are not a monolith.
Also I am not the same person as above--I never went to USC or UCLA like the poster above--I went Ivy and I studied engineering and physics NOT business...(which is too easy of a subject in my opinion). So if you actually think we are the same--you didn't read into our backstories. But it seems like whenever a black female brings this up--you all think we are a singular caricature.
I'll tell you the truth. I don't see that many black women complaining about dating.
I happen to think the word "radical" is completely misunderstood by most of society in the US. I was just thinking you'd be a breath of fresh air on Steve Harvey, and was wondering if he could handle it, lol. That's one show I'd like to see. Never mind; just trying to make a light-hearted aside.
This is what people don't understand on here. People really like me in real life because I keep it 100. You can't see my demeanor in text. And no I don't always talk about race, I often talk about other things like philosophy and the human condition, and of course technology. And users like the girl who was battling with me before are swimming in blissful ignorance. The world is deeply prejudiced and people need to come to terms with that before anything changes. It's a blessing for black women to not be near someone who would demean their experience. I am a proponent for empathy, and that user doesn't have any.
I am not going to sit here lie and say black women don't have disadvantages in dating. I don't see how drawing light to this makes me race-obsessed. It's a fact. Black women in America have disadvantages in dating. Anyone who says we don't are probably on edibles (but hey! it's CA). But I am also not going to sit here and say I don't have other advantages. I am in the top echelon (in terms of IQ, mathematics and physics ability and my education at Ivies and MIT) and I look pretty damn good too (in terms of face, body type, tall yet thin and curvy with huge breasts) and I know I have advantages because of my looks, education and intelligence.
I actually don't like using my looks to attract men, which sounds very odd, I wear normal clothes and wear extremely subtle makeup but I still get approached because most black women look better without makeup in the first place. When I wear low cut tops I could seduce pretty much anyone I wanted. But I like men who are attracted to me.
I'm going to give my opinion based on what various friends and business associates have told me personally in more relaxed quarters (so you're probably getting their "truth").
So a little about my business circle, a lot of them are white, asian with a sprinkle of middle eastern and black. Many are high net worth individuals ($20 million +) with successful careers in venture capital, real estate, or other entrepreneurial endeavors. For the ones who are divorced, or single and looking, this is what they tell me.
The reason they tend to avoid black women is because of certain perceptions (untrue or not):
- Too extreme politically
- Too sensitive about race
- Too masculine
- Ghetto or street perceptions
- May come from poor background
This is the gist of what I get from them whenever the topic of "would you date that random black girl across the room" at some random lounge or night club or other social function. I think political commentator Gavin McInnes put it best, people don't want to "walk on black woman egg shells" and it can be stressful. It's often seen as too risky financially to date and get involved with a black women (according to them). They also have stereotypes about your typical WASP women as well, but that's another topic.
That being said, I can see how black women in general can be blocked into a "singular caricature" like you say, but the problem with that is in life, the loudest (and sometimes crudest) voice is often heard first and most, even if all the voices aren't like that. It's unfortunate and sympathize with your problem.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,699 posts, read 41,737,988 times
Reputation: 41381
I live in Washington DC and vicinity and black women here have no problem finding suitors, if they are serious about being attractive. They marry all kinds of men, and I know several who have married and partnered up with well to do white men. I'm not buying that black women who are serious about putting on the best them have a lot of trouble partnering up without other issues being present.
Honestly I said I wanted to date a black male. People were upset. I explained I value generational wealth that should be kept in the black community. People were saying black women are unfeminine while Asian women are perceived as feminine. I was saying that from my objective standpoint full Asian women are not more beautiful than black women. And while I find them cute, I rarely find them hot or really stunning.
A black guy came in who felt the need to say I am race-obsessed although he admitted to preferring Latinas I told him I wouldn't find him attractive in the first place because of lack of intelligence. I would agree that most men I see black women with I am not attracted to but I can say the same for Asian women.
On that note, another user and I were in a quarrel because stating my subjective but objective opinion means I am race-obsessed. She admitted she doesn't hang out with black women because she sees us as race-obsessed monsters. If more than black women feel this strongly you would think she should understand that it's a widespread problem. I said she should have empathy because black women deal with both racism and sexism and her as a mixed white/Asian female doesn't have to deal with this intersectionality. Then she accused me of being a SJW, saying that social justice warriors are a problem and it was all downhill while I tried to explain to her the reason why the country has progressed is because of people who care deeply about issues like this..not through moderates like herself.
Some of the folks here just won't get it. Not that I'm surprised. I'm not.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar
Ok, thanks for the recap! I think it's ok if you prefer a black man. Many people prefer to date within their own race and there's nothing wrong with that. But you might find that the pool of eligible black men is quite small depending on what you're willing to accept. I'll just be honest and say that black men have never been my preference, but dating is challenging regardless.
I've dated a couple biracial-Black men. The vast majority of Black men I grew up with, or around, in SoCal, typically dated Latinx, white, and Asian women.
Not surprisingly, when my mother moved to Atlanta she found more interested Black men than when she was living in San Diego.
A lot of the cishet Black women I am friends with are married to or in relationships with white men. This is surprise to me only because I very rarely saw Black women/white men couples growing up. My parents were the only couple I knew of with this dynamic. (my uncles married white women)
I live in Washington DC and vicinity and black women here have no problem finding suitors, if they are serious about being attractive. They marry all kinds of men, and I know several who have married and partnered up with well to do white men. I'm not buying that black women who are serious about putting on the best them have a lot of trouble partnering up without other issues being present.
From a black man.
This was moved from the Los Angeles/OC thread to the general dating thread.
Yes, in DC black women have no problems.
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