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It's not fear of talking to her, but rather a few other things:
- Pattern recognition: After enough cases of rejection, people tend to (logically) find a pattern - women aren't interested in me - and go from there. It's the same reason people stop buying lotto tickets or playing the slots at a casino after enough losses. One can argue that this is not healthy in this particular instance, but it is human nature, and a trait that has helped individuals and the species survive
- Fear of the unknown / risk adverse behavior: This is different than the previous reason. In that case, people want the person in question, but figure there's no point in bothering since they've already learned women aren't interested in them. In this case, they THINK they are attracted to the woman in question, but there are a lot of risks involved. She could be everything from a great person to a drug addict who's heart still belongs to her thug boyfriend who's due out of prison in a few months. You don't know, and once a person has accumulated enough negative experiences in life, particularly ones involving unexpected betrayal or misfortune coming out of nowhere, they often become very risk adverse. Again, this is a survival trait that can get in the way or save your life. Either way, risk adverse people, or anyone who's been burned often enough, will not take the risk and will see even the slightest thing as a red flag.
The key to understanding all of this: Realize that men who no longer approach women are rarely "cowards who are scared of women." Some might be, sure. Some might have a host of other issues. But some are simply good at pattern recognition and have probably been burned too many times by people or groups they have trusted. For better or for worse, their survival instincts have kicked in, burning out whatever remains of their heart and leaving their souls scoured wastelands when it comes to love or really being able to trust anyone; this change does not happen because "they are afraid of girls," but rather fear of being betrayed (again) or broken in some way.
Unless the woman in question is sitting atop a throne made of the skulls of her vanquished foes, no man is afraid of approaching her if he's interested. What they fear - and often rightfully so - is a repeat of past nightmares. And there are few forces more powerful - for better or for worse - than that fear.
Last edited by Rambler123; 04-19-2017 at 08:22 PM..
It's not fear of talking to her, but rather a few other things:
- Pattern recognition: After enough cases of rejection, people tend to (logically) find a pattern - women aren't interested in me - and go from there. It's the same reason people stop buying lotto tickets or playing the slots at a casino after enough losses. One can argue that this is not healthy in this particular instance, but it is human nature, and a trait that has helped individuals and the species survive
- Fear of the unknown / risk adverse behavior: This is different than the previous reason. In that case, people want the person in question, but figure there's no point in bothering since they've already learned women aren't interested in them. In this case, they THINK they are attracted to the woman in question, but there are a lot of risks involved. She could be everything from a great person to a drug addict who's heart still belongs to her thug boyfriend who's due out of prison in a few months. You don't know, and once a person has accumulated enough negative experiences in life, particularly ones involving unexpected betrayal or misfortune coming out of nowhere, they often become very risk adverse. Again, this is a survival trait that can get in the way or save your life. Either way, risk adverse people, or anyone who's been burned often enough, will not take the risk and will see even the slightest thing as a red flag.
Probably deep fear of rejection and sexual harassment charges.
I'm not afraid, though I've only been rejected once in like 7th, 8th, or 9th grade. Idk exactly what she said, but it wasn't mean. I on the other hand, have rejected girls multiple times, because I don't feel they are on my "level". I have regretted that once. Senior in college, like 2 years ago, a freshman started flirting with me and I turned her down because she acted too childish. At the end of my senior year in college, a professor called me "egotistical and compassionate". But now that I think about it, I'm literally the exact reflection of that freshman, who was hot asf by the way, and I was just too conceited to realize it. Which has a lot to do with why current successes of my ambitions and failures of my inner verities. No one has ever referred to me as narcissistic or selfish, because I'm not; I just base my plans in life on being better than everyone else, for that reason.
I'd like to throw a different angle from the fear and anxiety answers. Maybe they just aren't interested.
I'm not a man, but looking a random men in a club does nothing for me interest-wise. What draws me to a man can usually be found in a club atmosphere or even with a cold approach. That's not to say some of them men there might be attractive, but let's face it, it's hard to have a meaningful conversation with someone to figure out if he's attractive at a noisy club. I imagine it the same for men who are attracted to women in a similar fashion to the way I'm attracted to men.
Sure a person can look attractive in a club, but that's not enough to make him or attractive enough to do a cold approach. It's like looking a great car with no idea what's under the hood and knowing the only way to find out is to give your phone number to an annoying salesperson. Is it worth it? Or do you find another way.
A lot of guys are scared to talk to women because they already have a low self esteem and their confidence is fragile, if even existent at all. So one more rejection will just totally scare the **** out of them are break what little confidence they have. I was like this years ago and asked out just a couple of girls in a 3+ year span. I have a best friend that's still like this and it's a shame, because he really has a lot to offer. Just across the board. He's been in two long term relationships (4+ years and 9+ years) and both girls were exceptionally attractive. I can never seem to get through to him. He's definitely the smartest person I know, I'm sure his IQ level is elite. He's the kind of guy that could fix anything, he can figure almost everything out (other than advanced math!), I remember him being really good at random things that he had never done before, like playing chess. He never played chess before and barely knew the rules, yet he easily beat someone that was very good at it.
He's afraid to approach women though, it's really a shame. I don't blame him though. With all the things I see written on this forum sometimes, it seems a lot of people are in the same boat. Then we see things about how you can't ask strangers out and people implying that you need to get to know someone just to ask them out, rather than the other way around. And then you always have a few people on here posting about how ugly they are and how it's impossible to get a date because ugly or average guys NEVER get any dates. All you gotta do is leave your house for 10 minutes and you'll see that isn't true at all. I can only hope people like him and others in that position (me from 5 years ago) aren't reading that stuff and becoming even more discouraged. I see it at least every other day on here.
Then they need to live with the consequences, which are LONG droughts and chronic singleness.
Of course, there's nothing wrong with that if that's what YOU want.
Common sense tells me that the people who are complaining about it, are probably not happy about that and that's not what they want. Or else, they wouldn't be complaining about it....
Being rejected and having an a$& made of yourself.
Having an ass made out of yourself? You can't worry about **** like that. Who gives a damn anyway, man?
You gotta not care. I'm embarrassed by a lot of things, getting rejected isn't one of them. Even when I had zero confidence, I wasn't embarrassed by that. Don't get me wrong, I probably wanted to avoid the person rejecting me after that. USUALLY I never saw the person after that ever again, so that took care of that.
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), I remember him being really good at random things that he had never done before, like playing chess. He never played chess before and barely knew the rules, yet he easily beat someone that was very good at it. 