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So said one of my Twitter buddies when I remarked on the speed with which she launched herself back into the dating game after a particularly nasty breakup.
Now, forgive me if I appear thicker than a whale omelette here, but I can't fathom why a solitary existence is seen as a failing. I've chosen it because I can't imagine being in the world any other way. The adjustments required by any sort of romantic coupling would knock planet Scribbles out of its orbit and send its lone inhabitant spiralling into a black hole of confusion and bewilderment for all eternity.
I don't mean to suggest life for one is entirely without difficulties. I'm only human (or almost) and I get lonely at times, but never to the point where I'd consider becoming part of a couple. That's too drastic and permanent a solution to a temporary problem, and I stand to lose more from its failure (mentally, emotionally and financially) than I'd gain from its success.
I realise I'm in the minority on this, and I hope a few of you can help me understand why some people's happiness and sense of identity or being an adult depends so much on finding someone else to settle down, grow old and wander off into the sunset with. For me it's about as palatable as Metallica cutting their hair and trying to keep up with the alternative scene during the 90s. I'd feel like a sellout if I even contemplated it, and I most certainly would NOT respect myself in the morning.
You're unable to imagine a viewpoint other than your own. It isn't unlike saying, "I would never put green peppers on a pizza, and I truly can't imagine why anybody would," at heart. It's just a fundamental failure to entertain the idea that very different things suit different people.
Your life is ideal for you as it is, with you solo and enjoying the benefits you derive from being completely on your own, enough that it isn't worth up ending that apple cart and living in a situation that changes that. Fair enough, but obviously, plenty of people can't really identify with that, anymore than you can identify with craving the intimacy of a partnership.
For others, a life they share with a partner is their ideal, and they get much more out of it than you personally would.
It's okay when people like, want, and value different paths in life.
Totally with you on that. I'd just like to understand their reasoning a little better. From my end it seems like lemmings throwing themselves off cliffs.
I will give you that many people do not learn from the mistakes they made in previous relationships as they look for another one, but many people on the other hand do, and their next relationship is amazing. It's unfortunate that some people settle, just to not be alone, or feel they need someone in order to make it through life financially, but there are others who are very happy in relationships, even though they went through hell and made some big mistakes and had to learn from those mistakes to get there.
I personally don't think advising people who can't find loving relationships to give up and be alone. Maybe take some time to themselves and figure out what they really need and want is a great idea, but to give up all together, is a bit much
Of course. Life would be boring if everyone were, but so many people make the same mistakes (or similar) over and over again as they look for the same thing. Then they talk to me on the phone about it for *hours* 'because you can be objective.' If by objective they mean clueless, then yes I suppose I am.
I wish someone would explain to me why they want what they say they want and are prepared to be let down, lied to and disappointed in their search. The only answers I've found so far are along the lines of 'just because', which doesn't help me understand at all.
This is a different topic than not wanting to be alone, and seeing being alone as a personal failing.
The failing here is that this person continues to make the same choices resulting in the same mistakes. Sometimes those people have to "hit rock bottom" before they realize they have to change.
I have a friend like this - she recently came to the realization that her choices in men were why her relationships kept failing. She kept choosing the wrong-for-her men. And that if she wanted a different result, she was going to have to make different choices (ie: be willing to give guys outside her "type" a shot).
Most people want a partner and companion in life. Not too hard to figure out.
The problem with your friend isn't that she wants this. It's that she makes bad choices. Show me a particularly nasty breakup and I'll show you a situation where one or both partners weren't committed to the relationships health in big ways and small.
This is true.
I often find myself as the committed to the relationship one and the other one is just hanging around until something better comes along. Then I get left and the whole pattern starts again.
How does one stop attracting the guys that are unwilling to commit to them? And when do you know the right time to cut them loose, but not to soon that you do not allow the relationship to progress on a normal time frame?
I often find myself as the committed to the relationship one and the other one is just hanging around until something better comes along. Then I get left and the whole pattern starts again.
How does one stop attracting the guys that are unwilling to commit to them? And when do you know the right time to cut them loose, but not to soon that you do not allow the relationship to progress on a normal time frame?
Why? How can it be prevented? I try to head it off by having early discussions letting any prospect know that I do indeed want marriage in my future. They always say they want the same, yet somewhere along the relationship road, they change their mind.
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