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Have you ever known someone, or been the someone, that had an interest or hobby when they were with one person, but they changed with the next person they dated?
How does one completely change their interests? I am fundamentally the same person that I have been my whole life regardless of who I may be in a relationship with, so this concept is foreign to me. For instance, I could not cook at 18 and still can't cook at 38. I would rather stick pins in my eyes than try to construct a gourmet dinner. My thoughts and interests have remained the same. I still like the same things and hate the things I have always hated.
I was chatting with my 6 year old this week about his Dad's house and he was complaining his step mom only makes certain foods. I asked what his Dad cooks, because his Dad is a wonderful cook, and my son responded that his father does not know how to cook. I was in shock because the 7 years we lived together, he did 99% of the cooking. He was always in the kitchen, creating these wonderful meals. He wanted to buy a restaurant. How does one go from enjoying the kitchen, almost like it is therapeutic to not cooking at all. Not even scrambling an egg? He is like a chameleon.
My sons father is almost a stranger to me now, because he is nothing like who he was when we were together. His clothing style changed, his taste in furniture, and apparently he forgot how to cook.
Have you ever known someone, or been the someone, that had an interest or hobby when they were with one person, but they changed with the next person they dated?
How does one completely change their interests? I am fundamentally the same person that I have been my whole life regardless of who I may be in a relationship with, so this concept is foreign to me. For instance, I could not cook at 18 and still can't cook at 38. I would rather stick pins in my eyes than try to construct a gourmet dinner. My thoughts and interests have remained the same. I still like the same things and hate the things I have always hated.
I was chatting with my 6 year old this week about his Dad's house and he was complaining his step mom only makes certain foods. I asked what his Dad cooks, because his Dad is a wonderful cook, and my son responded that his father does not know how to cook. I was in shock because the 7 years we lived together, he did 99% of the cooking. He was always in the kitchen, creating these wonderful meals. He wanted to buy a restaurant. How does one go from enjoying the kitchen, almost like it is therapeutic to not cooking at all. Not even scrambling an egg? He is like a chameleon.
My sons father is almost a stranger to me now, because he is nothing like who he was when we were together. His clothing style changed, his taste in furniture, and apparently he forgot how to cook.
Can anyone relate and have a similar story?
Interesting. Without knowing anything about your backstory, I'm guessing that splitting up wasn't his choice. He has intentionally disconnected himself from all the things he was when he was with you because it's the only way he can put you in the past and move on. I think you knew the authentic man. This person is an adaptation.
Last edited by JJ09990; 04-27-2017 at 08:37 AM..
Reason: add a word
Interesting. Without knowing anything about your backstory, I'm guessing that splitting up wasn't his choice. He has intentionally disconnected himself from all the things he was when he was with you because it's the only way he can put you in the past and move on. I think you knew the authentic man. This person is an adaptation.
Actually he left me. He cheated on me with a woman that was very similar to me in personality and interests. Her and I actually became friends after he cheated on her with the woman he eventually married. I walked into her house the first time, and had to immediately invite her to mine because we literally had the same things hanging on our walls. It was bizarre.
Did he walk-out on you? Or did you kick him out because he cheated?
I came home with the kids from a vacation. He was acting weird and when the kids went to bed, he told me he was leaving. He was gone that night. So to answer you, he walked out. I did not find out about the woman until a few days after that.
I came home with the kids from a vacation. He was acting weird and when the kids went to bed, he told me he was leaving. He was gone that night. So to answer you, he walked out. I did not find out about the woman until a few days after that.
I still say there's something here... something psychological. Guilt, maybe? Unhappiness with current wife? Something. Men don't change. Not to the extent you've described. To pretend you can't even do an activity at which you use to excel? That's intentional avoidance.
Last edited by JJ09990; 04-27-2017 at 09:02 AM..
Reason: spelling
I have one ex who changed a lot from the time I met him. He went from being a MidWestern Steak and potatoes kind of guy to a Metro Vegan type. But for the most part, I really don't pay attention to my exes. I don't really care about them.
Now, I've changed from man to man a little. At my core, I am the same (same interests, same values, etc). But I tend to experiment with hobbies and outward things. I usually like to do the things they are interested in. For example, I've never been into guns, but my boyfriend is. So I got gun shows with him and I've been learning how to handle a gun properly. It's fun for me because I am learning a lot. A prior boyfriend used to like plays and theater and I went with him to these things a lot. Now I don't go at all. I liked it when I was with him, but I guess it was the doing it with him part that I enjoyed (not so much the theater). Outwardly it might appear I've changed, but I really haven't. The theater thing ran its course and is no longer fun for me. The gun thing is new and there is so much to learn. I do the same with hobbies I start outside of dating too. I used to help at archaeological digs for a while. Then I stopped when I changed jobs. Nothing to do with a boyfriend.
But I still have my own core hobbies (like swimming, hiking, reading, science fiction, volunteering with Girl Scouts, and baking). I don't really camp as much as I used to or SCUBA dive a much (although I recently volunteered to help with a Girl Scout camping trip). But that's more a matter of lack of time anymore. Life changes, my job is more demanding, and I also need to set aside quality time with my boyfriend.
I still say there's something here... something psychological. Guilt, maybe? Unhappiness with current wife? Something. Men don't change. Not to the extent you've described. To pretend you can't even do an activity at which you use to excel? That's intentional avoidance.
Interesting. I have said for years I think he is untreated bipolar. Or he was just a nut when he was with me and turned normal with the new woman. He used to love collecting antiques with me and decorating our home. His house now is a very modern style. So it is not just the cooking. His entire self changed, or he pretended when he was with me, or he has a knack of just blending his likes to whoever he is with.
He seems happy and does not do any of the same things he use to do to me. He is very different with her. I probably wouldn't even have noticed if it was not for these types of conversations with him and our son. One would think that you would know someone you lived with for 7 years, but he is really a stranger to me, because he is nothing like he was when we were together.
Funny I always thought that to every celebrity especially the ones that jump from 1 relationship to another.
I only have one relationship so far but I am 100% sure I will be like your husband. I was like you, even when I had my own apartment. I LOATHE to cook! I had never cooked for myself. Well, when I do it's always, fried anything and usually is burnt.
But now? OMG, I just cooked this Filipino food for my husband yesterday and I myself am surprised how good it is. Actually we just visited his sister in NJ and she asked me what Filipino food I cook and I told her, your bro really don't like our food so I really don't, usually.
But, this week I woke up and told him I was inspired by your sis to cook Filipino food and so I cook him 3 Filipino food this week. And they are all good! And he liked them all.
My other sis also does not cook and since I did live with her, was surprised she cooks! Hers is a hit or miss, mine is always a hit in taste.
But it really is called being flexible. And survival, LOL you do need to eat to survive right? And my sis has kids to feed. You COMPROMISE to whoever you are with because you love them and want to be with them.
Last edited by bwisita; 04-27-2017 at 09:24 AM..
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He is very different with her. I probably wouldn't even have noticed if it was not for these types of conversations with him and our son. One would think that you would know someone you lived with for 7 years, but he is really a stranger to me, because he is nothing like he was when we were together.
