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And to that point: A lot of people don't want to hear the truth.
To be an honest person is a personal choice, with that comes all the pitfalls and hinderances that it may cause in your attempts to interact with others.
Yes.. I asked for thoughts on the dynamic itself.. not thoughts on me or my friends.
Well, their dynamic indicates con artistry. That's what building a relationship on lies is. I pointed that out, not to insult your friends, but because you didn't seem to recognize that fact. I don't know anyone who feels they have to lie as a structural part of their relationship. Mature relationships are about being open with each other, and sharing one's authentic self with the other, not pretending to be someone one isn't.
I suppose if one's true nature is being a jerk--and there are those people out there, then the only way such a person could have a relationship is either a) by lying, or b) by being themselves, and looking for a partner with low self-esteem, who would put up with it.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 04-27-2017 at 11:01 AM..
Sure.. but its not universal. What is a turn-off to you might not be a turn-off to me.
Therefore.. honestly is pure. No sugar, no vinegar and no extra ingredients. Just pure honestly. If its not pure.. then its not honest.
I read something a while back, written by a pastor who lived in the Seattle area.
His suggestion was this: Before opening your mouth, ask yourself 3 questions about what you want to say-
Is it the truth?
Is it kind?
Is it necessary?
If you can't answer "yes" to all three, then keep your mouth shut.
My experience is that people who tout themselves as "being blunt" don't generally think about those last two things- whether what they say is kind or necessary. To me, that's not a good thing. One can speak all they wish about "not sugar-coating things", or make all the excuses in the world about how they were "just being honest". What it boils down to, to me, is that these are people who have difficulty seeing outside their own little world and taking into account the feelings of others.
One can absolutely be honest and not hurtful. Yeah, it might take a little more effort to actually take into account the feelings and perceptions of others and utilize a filter before opening one's mouth- but it is certainly possible.
Dating is a "game" which is full of dishonestly and marketing. I came to this conclusion both from observation and experience:
Exhibit A: Observation
I have friends that are very blunt and honest and I have friends who tell people what they want to hear. My observation has been that my more honest friends struggle more with dating. Gender didn't make a difference either. My friends who lied a lot tended to have better social lives, more friends and more dating opportunities.
Exhibit B: Personal Experience
I've tried different approaches to dating over the years. I've tried being very honest and I've tried being a player. I got better results as a player and pulled more attractive women. The downside was the energy it took to be dishonest wasn't worth it to me personally. Right now I operate in a middle ground where I'm generally honest, but I lie when its convenient. Works pretty well.
Anyway.. I think its interesting. Seems relationships cannot thrive without dishonestly. And it makes me wonder why. Are our egos just that frail or do we enjoy life better when things are somewhat mysterious and open to interpretation?
Honestly is pure. It doesn't need sugar, nore does it need you to be tactless. It is just pure.
I have to agree with you. I have to make sure I tell the person I am in a relationship the truth.
That said, I've dealt with people who have took it upon themselves to try to give me unsolicited advice out of the guise of "being honest". But ultimately, it turned out that they didn't know nothing about what they were talking about.
Turns out they weren't being honest with themselves.
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