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My husband gets like this when we're experiencing a lot of stress, especially when it all happens at once, or in a short time.
For him, it's because he feels like he's lost control - that he can't just "fix it". Actually, I'm pretty much the "fixer" - but I've learned not to go about it "out loud", but just quietly do what I have to do. Took me years to figure THAT out. I'm not necessarily the brightest bulb in the chandelier!
The point is, don't necessarily blame yourself - this could just be his way of dealing. Would he consider counseling? I finally had to have a "Come to Jesus" meeting with my husband - it helped, but he still has his moments - Tuesday was an excellent example actually.
It's difficult to give advice when we don't know the whole story. Were you two living together in your own place before your parent became ill? Did he have to move because of the situation with your parents? He may resent this, and that could explain his hostile behavior. If you two are not having a regular sex life, that could be adding to his resentment.
Still, that's no excuse for behavior which sounds immature and emotionally abusive. The two of you will need to learn how to be more open with each other and communicate your feelings without resorting to tactics such as sulking, withdrawal and the silent treatment. You might need the intervention of a trained professional to break these bad habits and find better ways to resolve conflicts.
Your husband needs to be willing to meet you halfway. If he isn't, then I would say that the marriage has irretrievably broken down. Good luck to you, and I wish you peace as you deal with the impending death of a parent. That has got to be extremely difficult for you, and to have a partner who is not supporting you emotionally has got to make things even worse. Good luck.
I am curious if he has always been like this, or if this is a new thing. If he has always been like this, this isn't new and I would wonder why you married him or are surprised by it.
If this is new behaviour, talk to him. He could be stressed, upset, not feeling well, exhausted, who knows. It's not an excuse for him to treat you badly in the least, but just talk to him. At this point it sounds like he is emotionally abusive and very nasty.
I would say if this is long term behaviour, you need to figure out if you really want to be there. I wouldn't be. You say you dread being with him, that is no way to live the rest of your life.
My husband and I have been together for a little over 10 years now. I hate the way he treats me and I don't know if it's just me over reacting. He always complains about how I'm a "lone" wolf and never ask for help when I need it. This past week my car broke down and he's been driving me to work. Every single day he's had an attitude, barely talking to me, mad because he has to wake up early, pissed because there's traffic, etc etc. If I try and start a conversation he somehow turns it into an argument, or says a comment to basically make me feel stupid. Today he picked me up from work and didn't say anything, he won't even ask me about my day. He said something to me in the car and I started crying on my way home, and he didn't even turn to look at me. We were silent the whole way and he noticed something in the road, mentioned it, and then touched my leg. I thought well maybe I'm over reacting. I start telling him about something that happened at work, and he goes silent again. When I got home, I got off the car and he got mad I didn't kiss him goodbye and drove off. He's made me feel like a burden all week, what did he expect?
We don't live together right now because of financial reasons and because I'm taking care of my elderly parents, one of them has a terminal illness. He seemed fine with it, and we both agreed to work hard so that we could get our own place. I've been working my ass off, going to school and at time had up to 2 jobs, and I feel like he puts in half the work I do. Despite all of that, it doesn't matter how much he makes, it's the fact that I feel like he doesn't care about me. He never tells me he misses me, if something happens he always turns it around on how I'm making it out to seem that he's a bad guy. Or he'll start saying things like I know I'm the scum of the earth blah blah blah, and somehow still makes me feel bad. He never compliments me, even after I say nice things to him. I tried to plan a trip for us and he doesn't care about anything, and when I asked if he even wanted to go he said he'd go if I wanted him to. He never shows interest in my life. When I try and share things with him he gets in a bad mood and won't really talk to me.
I'm really tired of it. I hate that he makes me feel so unwanted. I sometimes dread having to be around him because I know I'll end up in tearing feeling horrible about myself. I've tried talking to him, and he always turns it around and he's the "victim" so I end up consoling him. Lately, he's been in a worse mood than usual, and with the world he's pleasant and friendly, but with me he's so mean sometimes. He's never called me names or anything, he just makes me feel bad. He makes me feel stupid and i don't know....I'm not sure If I'm overreacting and reading into things too much or if there really is a problem here.
You are under extreme stress right now - maybe he is just reacting to it. You have A LOT on your plate. If you still love him, I would suggest to sit down and have a calm and quiet talk. You may not even notice but you are probably not much fun to be around right now that he is used to - understandably. Also, you seem to resent him for not working hard enough while you put in 100%.
I am not excusing his behavior. I am just saying that you are having an extreme situation right now with work/parents and that's why your marriage suffers so much.
I may be wrong but by reading your post it seems to me like this is something solvable. Nobody blames you for being stressed out. But maybe his anger and coldness is just the reaction to it.
This is a complete and total communication breakdown. Step 1 is to try to fix that. Minister, priest, marriage counselor, someone impartial to get the line of communication going. If that doesn't work, the OP didn't say anything about children. They don't own a house. There's no point in continuing a loveless marriage.
This is a complete and total communication breakdown. Step 1 is to try to fix that. Minister, priest, marriage counselor, someone impartial to get the line of communication going. If that doesn't work, the OP didn't say anything about children. They don't own a house. There's no point in continuing a loveless marriage.
For better or worse ... I think this is a "worse"
It is not like they are slowly growing apart. They are in an extremely stressful work/family/not living together/financial crisis at the moment. This is temporary. They have been together for 10 years already.
I would agree to try to work it out and not just give up - if both parties are interested.
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