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I've been dating this guy for a long time but there is no progress, not even a kiss. One day i would feel on top of the world, convinced he's totally into me. Another day, I would feel really down and tell myself I've been deceiving myself all this time.
He has told me he is shy a few times, but when we're together, i don't feel his shyness at all. He seems at ease, relaxed and confident. So do shy guys hide it very well? Should i be patient and let him lead the relationship or do something myself?
Location: In the cold, dark wasteland of eternity...
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jenntay
I've been dating this guy for a long time but there is no progress, not even a kiss. One day i would feel on top of the world, convinced he's totally into me. Another day, I would feel really down and tell myself I've been deceiving myself all this time.
He has told me he is shy a few times, but when we're together, i don't feel his shyness at all. He seems at ease, relaxed and confident. So do shy guys hide it very well? Should i be patient and let him lead the relationship or do something myself?
Be VERY wary of his behaviour, OP. I'm in the situation that I'm currently in now because I didn't heed the huge red flag that was waving in front of my face. My STBX started out on this same path when we were dating. I literally had to initiate everything in the relationship - including the first kiss. Like you, I thought that he was just shy and needed some time. So, I was patient and I let him lead and initiate things after that point...but, he never did. Although he has some major health issues (obesity, diabetes and ED), he still could've made an effort to be more affectionate towards me - but, he never did.
Not saying that the guy you're dating now could end up being like my STBX is - I'm just telling you to be careful and to keep on paying attention to this guy's non-affectionate behaviour towards you.
I don't know how long you two have been dating, but if it's been a month or longer, he should've wanted to kiss you by now. If you've been dating longer than a month and he has still NOT made any romantic gesture(s) towards you or any progress with regard to that, then um, you might want to have a talk with him and ask him why he's being so "shy" (as he claims he is) and why he's behaving in such a platonic way towards you. As he responds to your question, listen to his answer and watch his body language; pay attention to what he doesn't say as well as to what he does say. Then take it from there...
OP how old are you? Some guys really are shy, others it may be a tactic, still others they may be shy around other people but once they get to know you they start to open up.
You need someone that is going to be direct. Shyness is one thing, but if the guy simply does not have the tools to have a healthy relationship you have your work cut out for you. If the guy is in his thirties, forties, etc shy or not he should know how to tell a woman what he wants. Younger men in their twenties or teenagers I'll give them the benefit of the doubt. I was shy but I got around well enough I just had a lot of friends, situations, etc but no real girlfriend until I met my wife. As far as kissing; that could have happened on the first date perhaps the guy is slow and did not realize that you were into him or that it was okay. That is how I used to be.
I know in the movies it is all romantic when it takes a guy several years to get with the girl while she dates other guys but in real life that isn't practical. To each their own though I just don't know anyone that has actually happened to. Girls are nice, but they aren't dumb.
I've been dating this guy for a long time but there is no progress, not even a kiss. One day i would feel on top of the world, convinced he's totally into me. Another day, I would feel really down and tell myself I've been deceiving myself all this time.
He has told me he is shy a few times, but when we're together, i don't feel his shyness at all. He seems at ease, relaxed and confident. So do shy guys hide it very well? Should i be patient and let him lead the relationship or do something myself?
Shy people are only usually shy with people they don't know and tend to open up and feel " as ease, relaxed and confident " once they do know them...... But as you're already up to that stage and sod all has happened on his part he's probably either not interested or doesn't have a bloody clue!
If you like " watching paint dry " then carry on as you are but if not go for the kiss/shag yourself and see what's what?
From a shy guy's perspective if he's not comfortable around you he's not going to open up. Either take the time to do so or break up with him. You can't force someone to open up because you're impatient.
Ok, the longer story ..... It has been 7 months (!)
He is really nice to me, but doesn't ask me out. Maybe I've always done that and now he keeps waiting, assuming that when I don't, I'm busy? He is attentive, remembers everything I say, stares at me a lot, gives me compliments but usually not about my looks. He says I look better than him though, but I think he's really really cute and the opposite is true. He texts more than other men, always reply to everything but maybe that's just his habit I don't know.
Basically he seems to like me but I'm confused because he's not moving the relationship past the friend zone physically or otherwise. Is he not attracted to me? Or does he just want to be friends? There are some accidental touches, brushes that sort of thing. He doesn't move away when I'm in his personal space, even when it's really hot Ha.
What I'm worried about the most is that he's not really THAT into me but wouldn't mind it, just to have a gf or just as 'practice dating'. Do guys do that? More importantly, do good people do that? Cos I feel he is a good person.
Quote:
Originally Posted by goofy328
OP how old are you?
We're both early 30s. Thanks to everyone who's offering their opinions and advice!
If you were high school kids the advice above wouldn't be any different.
At 30 there is no excuse for HIM to have not learned that his behavior is odd.
At 30 there is no excuse for HIM to have not learned how to explain himself.
And there's no excuse for not being adult enough to want to explain himself.
He is really nice to me, but doesn't ask me out. Maybe I've always done that and now he keeps waiting, assuming that when I don't, I'm busy? He is attentive, remembers everything I say, stares at me a lot, gives me compliments but usually not about my looks. He says I look better than him though, but I think he's really really cute and the opposite is true. He texts more than other men, always reply to everything but maybe that's just his habit I don't know.
Basically he seems to like me but I'm confused because he's not moving the relationship past the friend zone physically or otherwise. Is he not attracted to me? Or does he just want to be friends? There are some accidental touches, brushes that sort of thing. He doesn't move away when I'm in his personal space, even when it's really hot Ha.
Speaking as an asexual guy: do you think he's asexual? I say this because a very similar situation happened to me with my now...partner-ish friend a few months back. She literally had to sit me down and say "Are you interested in me? I don't think so, but I can't really tell." From my point of view, we were having such a great time hanging out and talking and whatnot that it just made me a little nervous to say something that might disrupt things. So to your original question, that was where the shyness kicked in for me.
I guess the difference is that she was very happy with things as they were and just wanted to get on the same page - we still hang out and talk all the time and are planning vacations together, etc. - while it sounds like you'll be disappointed if he doesn't want a romantic relationship.
So I guess my question to you: since you said it's been months...has he talked about any other relationships he's ever been in? Did he ever express interest in dating or mention having been on OLD at one point or something like that? Because I think that was the biggest clue for my friend that something was a little unusual with me...she knew from sharing our life stories over time that it had been years since I'd had a girlfriend, and I didn't seem to be under any particular pressure in that sense, while most men in the same position probably would have been.
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I'm in the situation that I'm currently in now because I didn't heed the huge red flag that was waving in front of my face. My STBX started out on this same path when we were dating. I literally had to initiate everything in the relationship - including the first kiss. Like you, I thought that he was just shy and needed some time. So, I was patient and I let him lead and initiate things after that point...but, he never did. 
Although he has some major health issues (obesity, diabetes and ED), he still could've made an effort to be more affectionate towards me - but, he never did. 
