Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
It isn't really the degree, it's the vocation.
You can be a successful business person who has never stepped foot in a college classroom. You can also have a useless degree and working in a retail store trying to sell credit cards to people in JCPenney or something.
$$ isn't everything but I don't want to always be the one to pay for things. There has to be some give and take. I'd much rather date a woman who makes the same or more than me.
...MY problem (not theirs) was having relationships with great guys who weren't able to stimulate my mind intellectually. Once my initial infatuation/crush feelings wore off, the great sex wasn't enough and I got bored with their company. As a college educated woman who loves her PBS and NPR programming, I really need my life mate to be my intellectual equal...
I agree with you, miu. As an academic, I fully concur with your need for intellectual stimulation.
The question is whether having a degree is, in and of itself, a mating criteria. The answer will vary from person to person. I think most would recognize that one can be bright and intellectually curious and not have a degree; OTOH, one can have fancy degrees and be incurious and unintelligent.
That said, using degree status is is a useful rule of thumb indicator of intelligence in many instances. But a person would be extremely foolish to dismiss those without a degree as unintelligent while embracing someone with letters behind their name as automatically being bright. That old saw about judging books by their cover is often true, and a college degree (or lack thereof) is often just part of the cover.
And while I share your affection for NPR and PBS, relying upon these totems as de facto signs of intelligence -- just as relying upon whether one has a degree or not -- is itself problematic. It is my experience that estimating a person's true intelligence and intellectual curiosity by quick evaluation of socio-cultural tastes is a very tricky business.
Last edited by professorsenator; 02-23-2009 at 01:34 PM..
When I was in my early twenties, I felt the same way. But also, considering my family upbringing AND the good public school system I went to (thanks Mom and Dad!), going to college and getting a degree wasn't a big deal to me, it was the norm. Someone going to a good college wasn't a Poindexter to me or an elitest snob, it was just the normal way of things, just as working hard at my studies was my job as a child.
However, after breaking three men's hearts by dumping them after relationships of about five years in length (2 boyfriends and 1 husband), I finally realized at the old age of 40-something, that MY problem (not theirs) was having relationships with great guys who weren't able to stimulate my mind intellectually. Once my initial infatuation/crush feelings wore off, the great sex wasn't enough and I got bored with their company. As a college educated woman who loves her PBS and NPR programming, I really need my life mate to be my intellectual equal. I want and need to be able to have lengthy and interesting conversations with my s/o about anything that pops into my head. Finally I have a man that meets ALL of my needs, both physcially and mentally. Being with a man that doesn't share the same intellectual curiousity doesn't cut it with me, and supplimenting my companionship with other friends that are intellectual like me doesn't solve the problem either. I want my mate to be my equal in all ways. I want no compromises in who I spend so much of my life with.
I agree with what you say but I am not sure a college degree necessarily means intellectual stimulation will be on offer. Some of the dullest and most ignorant people come from top universities like Oxford ( they know everything about one subject and have no interest in anything else in life) and I still maintain that a lot of "blue collar" people are educated albeit self taught.
The guy who redecorated our house is one of the most interesting, knowledgeable and intellectually engaged chap I know for example. He just loves his job and is happy as he is. Yet he reads all the papers, is politically and culturally active.
I have met homeless people who could recite Homer, discuss philosophy and engage you on various subjects as varied as science or literature...
Not going to University is often a choice from a lot of different people. They simply take another path without compromising their intellect.
I think we should all aspire to be with people we respect. Degrees have little to do with that, for me anyway.
Someone please explain this, whats the pros and cons. I feel its not the degree but the determination that person posse that may make him successful.
i will agree from a womans point of view, better schooling usually means better earnings, meaning better husband potential to a woman who wants to start a family, its no differant thn a man wanting bigger boobs or etc, we just both think with differant heads.....lo
but seriously, i personally prefer a man, no matter what he brings home, to just be a good providor for his family, but then im one of the old fashioned dyeing breed....lol
money cant buy happiness, it does a good job at thinking it can, but without a good heart, all thats left is just a paper check so to speak, and i personally prefer the hard worker with the heart. thank you, thank you very much....
Having a college degree isn't everything. However, I feel that I've not been let down very much by those who went to a good college at the same time as my parents (late 50's) and my generation, are all thoughtful interesting people. The Ivy Leagues schools cost a fraction of what they cost now to go to. A lot of Euro rich go to my college now. My dad went to Harvard and majored in Art History because he thought it interesting. He didn't go to get ahead in the world, going to Harvard was just part of finishing his education as a person around a group of students like himself. And afterwards, he spent a year abroad in Europe. The whole point was to become a worldly well rounded thinking person. And most of his fellow classmates were just like him. When I went to Brown, I made a stab at being pre-med, then at the engineering program... but my heart wasn't into those disciplines. I did find that I really love the arts and music. Eventually, I found myself being a very happy antiques dealer. And that wasn't very far off from my childhood dream of becoming an archaelogist or paleontologist. Hunting for old dusty treasures.
These days, everyone goes to college and follows a particular career path. There is much less thought given to taking fun electives for the sake of stimulating the mind or opening up their horizons. College has become too expensive to do unfocused. Young adults are only impressed by new designer goods, the latest electronics and shiny fast cars. When I was young, I loved checking out flea markets and thrift stores for vintage items. I loved funky old Volvos. I fear the younger generation will never learn to appreciate the fine arts and antiques as the previous ones do. I also feel that back when I was in college, the female students were a lot more relaxed about what they wore. Frumpy funky stuff, pre-preppie handbook era. Now it seems to me that every female student is poured into a pair of lowrider tight jeans and trying to look sexy and hip. It's kind of sad imo.
So a young person with a college degree is more likely to be not as cool or interesting as an older person with a college degree from the same college... at least from my personal experience. Ah... for the good old days. lol
And while I share your affection for NPR and PBS, relying upon these totems as de facto signs of intelligence -- just as relying upon whether one has a degree or not -- is itself problematic. It is my experience that estimating a person's true intelligence and intellectual curiosity by quick evaluation of socio-cultural tastes is a very tricky business.
No it's not, but it was shorthand for some of the indicators of having a inquisitive mind that I look for. I do judge each person I meet on an individual basis, but afterwards, I file my results away in my mental bank of statistics for risk management. My formulas are by no means perfect or universally applicable to all, but they work for me. And since I have a social life that is just right for me, not too big a circle of close and casual friends but not too small either. So I see no reason to expand my parameters to include more people. I just don't have the time nor the energy for that.
However, if I was here complaining about a lack of a boyfriend or friends in my life, then certainly you are welcome to call me out and tell me that I'm too close minded and picky about how I select my dates and friends. But I am not, and I'm happy and content with my love and social lives.
From my experiences in the dating scene, women who live in big cities like New York or Boston want a man with a college degree. Outside the cities where materialism is less women tend not to care. Salary is still important but being blue colar is still respectful.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
well....
I think I need a Phd to read this thread
