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Like settle for a relationship with someone I don't really like? No, don't think I would.
Settle in the sense I like someone more than they like me, and just accept seeing them casually, even if hoping for more? That's more possible. lol Of course the line gets blurred between settling and compromising with this example.
Or reconcile that your "standards" are unreasonable.
Or reconcile that your "check list" is unrealistic.
Or reconcile that when it comes down to it... you really ain't all that.
Or even just the bag of chips.
---
See the distinctions?
Maybe you really are objectively attractive (or were)...
but the rest of you (personality, intelligence, whatever) is just a mess.
Then coming to terms with the reality of what "options" you have (or ever had)
isn't "settling" at all. You just learned about your feet of clay.
Huh? Are you speaking about me, personally? I hope not.
Generally speaking, yes, you are right. Lots of people have unrealistic expectations. Look like a 5, want a 10. Not gonna happen. But then they feel like they are settling by going off their unrealistic expectations because lots of people think they deserve the best only - and then end up here, complaining they never get laid.
Like settle for a relationship with someone I don't really like? No, don't think I would.
Settle in the sense I like someone more than they like me, and just accept seeing them casually, even if hoping for more? That's more possible. lol Of course the line gets blurred between settling and compromising with this example.
Ugh, I'm absolutely horrified at the thought of this happening to me.
That's the kind of complication I avoid like the plague.
"Settling", in this case, means getting into a relationship with the first person who shows interest in you,
regardless of who they are, what they like to do, or how you feel about them.
Nope. That's just being lazy
Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve
Huh? Are you speaking about me, personally? I hope not.
Nope. Generally.
Quote:
Generally speaking, yes, you are right. Lots of people have unrealistic expectations.
I'd say more like most. Maybe a high order of "most".
High enough that most of the talk about "standards" and "check lists" and so forth can be be ignored as fantasy.
If your options are drying up you're going about it wrong. I'm in my late fifties with a major health issue and I get dates.
Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve
Of course you have less options when you are getting older! People die, people are taken, people are damaged, people have baggage, people get sick, lose looks, you lose looks, you may have baggage, different expectations than when you were younger, ....
I don't know if it's less options so much as different options. It does seem as if people are more damaged at this age--not sure if it's really so or a matter of being able to discern these things better than I could in my twenties.
Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve
Well, of course we have options. There are ALWAYS options - depending on your expectations. If all you want is a person with arms and legs - ...
Settling is when you have to lower your standards. You may have to consider dating somebody who has not everything on your checklist. Or you have to reconsider your dealbreakers.
For me it's a matter of figuring out whether someone can inspire a feeling in me--not a checklist. I mean, I have a checklist, but it's mostly normal stuff like "not a wifebeater" or "at least as tall as me which is 5'3"." Sounds reasonable, right? Red flags come up as I encounter them. Went out with a widower a few months ago--they guy seemed great, but he has six kids and none will speak to him. He doesn't seem to know what that's about but I'm betting he at least suspects. I never would have thought to put that on a list and fortunately I wasn't all that into him anyway.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Auraliea
Ugh, I'm absolutely horrified at the thought of this happening to me.
That's the kind of complication I avoid like the plague.
I'm with you on that one. I keep BOB around for those times I'm tempted.
I dunno tho, I'm pretty frustrated with dating. I've probably had around 150 dates in the past 3 years and have been intensely interested in two of them. The rest were mainly just first dates. Part of the reason for so many dates is b/c I was really looking hard--felt like I was running out of time, but I'm going to kick back for awhile and try to enjoy not having someone in my life right now b/c whatever I'm doing isn't working and it's just making me feel like something is wrong with me to not make a connection with anyone, and yet I know that I have a lot to offer. I have a date Friday but not all that excited but then I'm going to lay low for awhile.
I am of child bearing age (can't have kids though), but I too rather be alone than with the wrong man. Been there, done that, got the hat and it's not worth it. Being alone is much, much better.
Pretty much. There are billions of people on this planet. If you can't find a mate, it's not due to lack of options. Or you have impossibly high standards/are too picky. That doesn't mean it's easy to find someone, far from it. It just means there are multiple matches out there for you and saying there are none is defeatist.
Edited to add, I think maybe what most people mean when they say "there is no one out there for me" is "I've given up spending the energy to find someone for me." People are loath to say they give up, so the pass blame. Not sure why. There is nothing wrong with putting energy into pursuits other than finding a mate.
Thank you. Being alone ain't so bad. Being with the wrong person or people can be very harmful.
In my teens and 20's, men would literally line up to date me. My early 30's brought on a new challenge of me having to actually look for men. Now in my late 30's, I can look and look and not find anyone to date for a year.
Sorry to hear that. But you're not really missing anything. My lady friend is in her late 40s and she has tons of men chasing after her. But she won't have none of them because she's waiting for me.
Nah, just kiddin about that. She's actually going on dates. We're just friends.
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