Etiquette on dating professional single mothers

[Metaphysique]

Originally Posted by halfamazing

Meta! Why are you protecting this woman? She set the date for this Saturday while we were chatting on Tinder this past monday. We have been chatting for a week and I didn't' know about her child or her ex until we spoke on the phone for the first time yesterday.

So...? Are you upset that she didn't disclose pertinent information, or what? You seem to address multiple concerns here:

1. Didn't disclose she's divorced.
2. Didn't disclose she has a child.
3. Talks a lot about said child.

So- she initiates the date, I don't find out about the child or her ex until yesterday. Today, her first post is that she is feeding and bathing the child.

You asked what she's doing. She responded with the truth. If she had said, "Out to dinner with my daughter."/ would that have been better?

But to you, this all seems as if I am bringing all this on to myself and that I should not have any concerns because her child is priority? Because she is a woman, she can exercise no discretion or poor judgement at all.

Please, explain how responding with the truth, which involves her toddler, is using poor judgment. Perhaps she should have lied or ignored your text since you take issue with too much parenting talk.

Do you need me to provide you with the transcript of our conversation and texts so that you can better understand? As a matter of fact, I am now curious as to see where you take your posts after all the information I provided. I want to see where your mind is at. If you truly think that I have no concerns, after what I have disclosed, then the world as I know it has changed.

You sought advice and feedback. You were given feedback based on the information you provided. Are you looking for us to tell you you're right, she exercised poor judgment, so that you'll feel better about your misgivings?

Consider that perhaps your perception of the situation is what it is because you're not a parent, or the parent of a young child. Your lack of experience in this will color how you perceive these interactions. You're unable to identify or relate with her on this level. Maybe you're expecting to talk about other non-parenting/child things, not realizing that for her, outside of work, her primary focus is to her daughter. This isn't *just* about her daughter being a priority. It has to do with a mindset or "mode" that she's in.

You stated in the OP that you liked that she could leave work at work. That's not parenthood for a lot of primary caregivers. It may even be difficult for her to recognize that she's talking a lot about her daughter. A lot of cool things happen at that stage. I get it. My husband talks A LOT about our 2.5 year old. Anytime people ask, and he enjoys sharing about her, and yet, before kids, he never took interest in the doings and happenings of other people's kids.

In any case, her talking about her daughter may seem alarming to you because it's not something you can relate to. It may seem like it's too much too soon/too much information from the outside, but as a parent of a young child, she's probably just sharing random details about her life/day like other people do work and their life. It just happens to center around her child. If parenting takes up the majority of her free time, it may take time to readjust to non-toddler mode. What you're sharing here sounds completely normal for this stage of parenting. It may take time for her to adjust to more adult conversations and activities, which requires regular *adult* interaction outside of work. Dating may be part of her trying to reclaim her non-parent identity.

[Mikala43]

Originally Posted by halfamazing

What is even more CONCERNING to me is that some of the posters aren't even taking into consideration that some people don't give thought to their children meeting another man. Who is to say that she being so comfortable in name dropping her child, she won't attempt to introduce me to her child this weekend? If so, don't I have a right to want some time before I am introduced to the child? Doesn't the child have a right to have time and be prepared before meeting another man? Aren't these all LOGICAL concerns based on how the first 2 conversations have gone?

But no! Since its a man asking and seeming concern, we can overlook the possible poor judgment on the mother's part because all mothers use proper judgement.

Read my above post and let it sink in. Does that sound like some young fool, who has not a care for the dynamics at play? Aren't I looking at all things and wanting to get a better perspective before proceeding?

How about we step back and reconsider how we advise others- without jumping to conclusions.

I don't think anyone should get upset on things that haven't happened.


Besides that, I wasn't sure what you have been asking, or why you are mad at people asking you to elaborate.

[PJSaturn]

This thread has been cleaned up - personal attacks and inappropriate posts deleted. Posts about parenting belong in the Parenting forum. Posts about race do not belong here (those posts have been deleted). The thread was headed nowhere fast and is therefore closed.

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