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Yeah I don't get the big deal about confirming. I used to do it all the time, if anything it's just to make sure nothing has come up (like she being sick, or have any other emergencies) I have a girlfriend, and even though she has never stood me up or vice versa, but when we make plans, I still just send a text saying hey we still on for tonight? Just to make sure. I personally don't think it's a big deal.
I was talking with an acquaintance (female). We'd been communicating for about two weeks now and went out once last week.
So I asked her "When are you free?" she said "Saturday." So I set a date. Figured we'd grab something at a restaurant and maybe go bowling, shoot some pool, or whatever. Long story short, she said, "I can meet you someplace..." I said, "I'll come pick you up. Save the gas in your car, I'll chauffeur." So she says, "Just give me a call/text Friday to confirm?" To which I said directly , "(name), I'm not one to 'confirm' something. I'm a man of my word - when I say I'll be there, I'll be there; I believe strongly in consistency."
She seemed a bit taken aback by what I said, then she said, "I've had so many guys not show up, not call....one guy I was supposed to date with, stood me up at a restaurant." I said, "I'm not those other guys; I don't play games or B.S. I'm a man of consistency. When I say I'm gonna do something, I do it. Period."
She said that I sounded a bit standoffish. I countered by saying that I'm direct. What do you think, fellow CD-R posters?
ETA: My dad taught me that a real man is a man who keeps his word. I think he taught me well.
He did teach you well, but you can still be subtle about it. You are setting up a date, not a company mission statement. Dates are supposed to be fun and relaxing, your wording made that more difficult.
Those are all good traits to have and to be proud of, they just don't need to be thrown in people's face.
I'm a person of my word, my friends are too, so is DH. We still all confirm on stuff, because there are a multitude of things that might happen. Kids my get sick, or, the most common... may have forgot.
So we are all comfortable that we are on the same page, we confirm. It is polite.
No need to jump on a soapbox and pontificate about your honor.
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Okay, okay. Guess I deserve the verbal beat down...
Confirming is the proper/correct method. Not that I'm soapboxing, or trying to be a control freak, but let me ask the women here: do you prefer a man who is confident and sure of himself, or a man who is wishy-washy and indecisive? I offered to pick her up; she offered to meet someplace. If she's more comfortable with meeting at a location, I'll be happy to acquiesce. Just thought I'd save her the trouble of taking her car, but I guess I was mistaken.
So, if confirming is the norm, so be it. Worst case, she cancels. Plausible reason, I'll try again at a later time. No reason given, Adios!
Okay, okay. Guess I deserve the verbal beat down...
Confirming is the proper/correct method. Not that I'm soapboxing, or trying to be a control freak, but let me ask the women here: do you prefer a man who is confident and sure of himself, or a man who is wishy-washy and indecisive? I offered to pick her up; she offered to meet someplace. If she's more comfortable with meeting at a location, I'll be happy to acquiesce. Just thought I'd save her the trouble of taking her car, but I guess I was mistaken.
So, if confirming is the norm, so be it. Worst case, she cancels. Plausible reason, I'll try again at a later time. No reason given, Adios!
What you described was not a choice between confident and wishy-washy.
This isn't about confirming or not.
It's about being attuned to the needs of the other person you're with and moderating your behavior accordingly and appropriately for the situation and for all involved. You "think" you were "saving her the trouble," when it came off as not listening to her expressing her needs and only being concerned with what YOU wanted.
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