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This is the problem with the chemistry takes time concept. Usually it isn't really chemistry, it is our heads telling us there should be chemistry. We like talking to the person, we believe they are a good match, shared values/activities/goals, they're good looking enough , etc etc... and in the end because of this we convince ourselves there is chemistry.
Not quite how it worked for me. It is more like she kept chasing me, I wasn't interested, then one day I saw her in a different way (she looked different somehow), and then that brought out something in me.
Or...
...she brought out something primal in me. I tried to fight that feeling, but she got me. LOL!!
Not quite how it worked for me. It is more like she kept chasing me, I wasn't interested, then one day I saw her in a different way (she looked different somehow), and then that brought out something in me.
Or...
...she brought out something primal in me. I tried to fight that feeling, but she got me. LOL!!
Why do people think they have to have instant chemistry with whomever they might go out with?
Why do they *think* they have to have it? Because they have to have it. It is AMAZING though it only ever happened to me once. With my now husband of 23 years.
This is the problem with the chemistry takes time concept. Usually it isn't really chemistry, it is our heads telling us there should be chemistry. We like talking to the person, we believe they are a good match, shared values/activities/goals, they're good looking enough , etc etc... and in the end because of this we convince ourselves there is chemistry.
That's what I call, *he looks good on paper* LOL. Never again.
Exactly my point. Had you expected that strong chemistry on the first 'coffee meeting' (not really a date, IMHO) you may have missed a good guy. By giving yourself a bit time to get to know somebody you discovered "chemistry' that was a slightly below the surface.
No I almost never experience chemistry that strong on a coffee date, but there has to be a sense of something bigger for me to want to see him again and he has to be easy to talk to. Also, I can't deal with something that is terribly offputting in the first date, like a loud hyena laugh for instance. LOL. No one can say I don't give them a chance but if he's annoying me on the first date it's not going anywhere.
That's what I call, *he looks good on paper* LOL. Never again.
And let's also be realistic here too. This tends to happen when the woman/man we desire isn't showing up in our lives and we've been dating for a couple of months or years. You begin to look at Plan B, which is fine, until Plan A walks into your life. I absolutely believe Plan B can work in the long run, but Plan B only works when he/she can transition themselves into Plan A. If he/she remains Plan B, then it can likely become problematic in the future when, and if, Plan A comes waltzing through.
You're right stepka, good on paper generally never works. There has to be some chemistry upfront.
I used to weigh instant chemistry more than anything else. The last three guys I had instant chemistry I had with, it fizzled real fast or didn't work out. Currently, a friend that we might be dating if things go well on Friday, we didn't have instant chemistry. But little by little we have learned how compatible we are and I would say now there is a good amount of chemistry.
So I no longer but an emphasis on instant chemistry anymore.
Why do people think they have to have instant chemistry with whomever they might go out with?
I ask because I notice that many women mention 'chemistry' in their profiles. And they want to find out if the chemistry is right on the first meeting (not really a date, IMHO) with a man.
Sure, we will notice the obvious deal killers at that first meeting. And we should certainly pay attention to our instincts if they are screaming NO! NO! NO! But chemistry, IMHO, takes a while to develop, understand and appreciate. I think people who are looking for instant chemistry are all to often limiting their own chances of finding a good person.
For example, look at our friends. How many times have we met a person whom we did not think much of initially, but over time he or she has turned out to be a good friend? Or the reverse has happened, a person we thought we would get along well with turns out to be somebody we don't want in our lives.
A first meeting is awkward for many of us. Is that a good time to judge something as subtle as chemistry? Or maybe chemistry is not subtle?
How do you handle finding the right "chemistry"?
I made a thread about the same topic. Chemistry takes time to build up. Most relationships that are built on instant chemistry never worrks out for most people. To be honest video think a woman saying that I don't have chemistry for you, Is a mask for saying, (I don't find you attractive).
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