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Instant chemistry is like some sort of an impulse buy at a store. You're really not all that sure you want it or need it. You just go back later after you think about it for a while.
OK, I just had another thought that may cut to the heart of things. On the first date I ask myself if I want to see him again. Simple, I do not ask myself if he's the "one" or if I want to wake up next to him in 10 years. Just do I want one more date. On the next date, same thing.
If he calls or texts wanting another date, I ask myself if I'd rather go on this date or would I rather stay home and vacuum. Very simple, very easy and no need to overthink. If I would gather go out with him than vacuum, then I consider that a spark and proceed.
I agree. I'm all about giving a man a chance - or several. Lord knows, I've had my share of Charlie Brown moments. If I have those humbling moments, I can only guess that anyone I spend time with is human, too. (I try not to spend my time with folks who think they are prefect.)
Anyway, I think a person should learn something, even on a date you will never go on again. Meaning that one should learn that even when things don't work, it's okay.
A person shouldn't be afraid of rejection, because you haven't taken a step back, and are one rejection closer to finding someone who is a good match.
News Flash: There is no perfect person. But there ARE good matches. You have to decide what kind of person you really want.
Seeing what makes a man tick will add spark, but it also can take time.
It occurred to me that both my parents and my grandparents had instant chemistry when they met and those marriages all lasted. My parents met at a party and hit it off and knew from the start (my grandmother talks about how my dad came home and told her he met the girl he was going to marry). My grandparents themselves also had an instant connection and married weeks after first meeting! I really don't know much about my other grandparents and how they felt when they first met, I'll have to ask.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Originally Posted by BellaLind
It occurred to me that both my parents and my grandparents had instant chemistry when they met and those marriages all lasted. My parents met at a party and hit it off and knew from the start (my grandmother talks about how my dad came home and told her he met the girl he was going to marry). My grandparents themselves also had an instant connection and married weeks after first meeting! I really don't know much about my other grandparents and how they felt when they first met, I'll have to ask.
I don't know a single person that has married and has stayed married that didn't have instant chemistry.
The vast majority of happily married couples that I know did not have instant chemistry.
My mother wasn't really interested in my father, but he won her over.
Instant chemistry, in my opinion, is stupid and a good set up for making bad decisions based solely on emotions.
Instant chemistry is a sales pitch it's like when you walk on to a car lot and the salesman makes you think a certain car is much better than it really is. Once you go home and actually read about the car, you learn it's a piece of junk. Any decision based soley on emotion is almost always a bad decision.
Instant chemistry is a sales pitch it's like when you walk on to a car lot and the salesmen makes you think a certain car is much better than it really is. Once you go home and actually read about the car, you learn it's a piece of junk.
I don't know, man. I mean it's in Disney movies so it must be legit.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wanderlust76
Instant chemistry is a sales pitch it's like when you walk on to a car lot and the salesman makes you think a certain car is much better than it really is. Once you go home and actually read about the car, you learn it's a piece of junk. Any decision based soley on emotion is almost always a bad decision.
Except unlike buying a car, no one (that is sane) gets married based on instant chemistry alone. It is the instant chemistry that gives them the desire to further explore a relationship with the other person through dating them. THAT is the only decision that is made based on instant chemistry, to see them again and get to know them.
Of course, the analogy fails to in the chemistry isn't sold by one person to another. That's a fundamental misunderstanding of chemistry.
The vast majority of happily married couples that I know did not have instant chemistry.
My mother wasn't really interested in my father, but he won her over.
Instant chemistry, in my opinion, is stupid and a good set up for making bad decisions based solely on emotions.
Sounds like your parents didn't have a marriage of passion so you're not looking for one either. Married to procreate. Apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
Sounds like your parents didn't have a marriage of passion so you're not looking for one either. Married to procreate. Apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
My parents are just fine, thank you very much. Married for almost 40 years now. So if by "apple doesn't fall far from the tree", you mean "less likely to divorce with their priorities in order", then you're right.
In fact, no one in my family has ever divorced.
Interesting how this seems to be considered a bad thing these days.
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