Wife bought a car for stepdaughter against my wishes… (girl, personality, conversation)
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One important thing I would do is not to have a joint account as the wife can't be trusted to manage it. Make her get her own bank account and you have your bank account. Have a household account for the bills. I went through a similar problem with my ex wife. She spent me into near bankruptcy. I dug myself out of the hole and never let her touch MY money.
We divorced and the ex got two jobs, never wanted to work when I was supporting her. She wants to spend money like a drunken sailor? Let her spend her own money. I would make her work also. Not realistic for any woman with adult kids to sit home. Everyone in the house should be pitching in also.
She's pretty much told you that, regardless of how old her daughters get, they're going to be put first over you even to the extent of not only helping them when they really need it...like a hundred or so to keep the lights from being shut off... but by going far beyond that, like with the brand new car.
If you can deal with your marriage being a "mine and yours" instead of an "ours" then play that separation of monies game and close your eyes to whatever she does with hers.
Ask yourself what her choice might be if you made her choose and be prepared to deal with the answer to that.
Ouch. Im sorry. I would find her attitude and dismissal of your feelings more hurtful than anything else. I've been trying to see her side of things but it is starting to sound like she just doesn't care about the health of the marriage. I would never say something like that to my husband.
I agree that it's kind of a rude thing to say, but at the end of the day...the contract is already signed. The loan was upside-down to start with and is even more so now that the daughter has driven the car off the lot. So really, "You're gonna have to get over it" is kinda the only thing that can be said at this point, like it or not. Wife may have gotten to the point where she fully understands that her husband is pissed but that there is really nothing else that can be done right now...other than hoping that the daughter holds up her end of the deal and makes the payments as she said...
I have made my viewpoint abundantly clear both on a logical level and an emotional level.
She may or may not understand or care..
Her last comment on the topic when we last talked 2 weeks ago was: "you need to get over it"..
She sounds like a sweetie.
Sorry to hear this. I'd have a real problem with her if she said that to me. If she said it when she was pissed I'd almost be able to get over it, if she was calm and still dropped that crappy line on ya I'd have a real problem with that.
I'm sorry, OP. I know that's a very hard decision to make.
Hopefully your daughters will understand one day and continue to be in your life, if you even want that at this point.
I don't say that flippantly and I know it is going to be painful in many ways for all involved.
I really did think that I'd be with her on my deathbed..
Her recent actions and words where she showed no respect whatsoever for my wishes and and then texted me "stop being a baby and get over it"..when I was trying to explain how much she'd hurt me, was just too much.
That, combined with a marriage that operates more like roommates than anything else and has for years; recurring arguments about the girls and their poor decision making; and the lack of respect she has for any of my concerns (like getting them off our cell phone plan, a $340 monthly bill) a fight we've been having for at least 4 years, all show that she has no respect for me, my wishes, and/or concerns whatsoever.
Historically, I've always bragged on my wife that she didn't really have any bad habits (drinking, smoking, drugs etc..) that she was fiscally responsible and didn't blow all of our money, worked hard herself to help provide for the family and was genuinely a good mom and wife and I RESPECTED HER GREATLY and held her above all others, even our daughter we have together.
However, her total lack of respect for me lately, has caused me to lose all of the respect I had for her and I just don't think I can get that back unless she figuratively crawled back to me on her hands and knees and begged for forgiveness and undid this automobile straw purchase she did for our daughter like I've asked her to do several times.
The fact that she won't budge and tells me to "get over it"...makes me angrier than you can imagine.
That said, I'm trying to be objective here and not decide to divorce to punish-her or anything but am really thinking of how I just don't think I can live with someone who cares so little about what I think or believe..
I really don't feel like I have any other options. She's backed me into a corner where I either quit the marriage or swallow my pride and go back knowing I've opened the door for more disrespectful behavior.
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