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....and THIS is why I don't believe in having joint bank accounts.Also WHY you should NEVER put trust in a spouse to handle the finances...THAT should be a joint thing that you both do together! I never understand this thing about letting one spouse handle EVERYTHING and then the one spouse gets blind-sided and they're shocked by it...
Quote: "If you don't like that your wife LOVES HER DAUGHTERS so much that she would SACRIFICE her OWN well-being (financial or otherwise) to make sure that they are PROVIDED FOR."
Awwww...you almost had me here, true selfless mama-bear love...
And then I realized that what I was actually reading, was angry woman/man hating dribble.
You know damn well if the tables were turned and a woman was on her complaining that a man violated the financial trust that they shared and bought his child from another marriage a vehicle, totally against his wife's wishes that your response would be different and she should let him have it!
You'd probably say how insensitive it was for him to not involve her in the decision making and that she's an equal member in this partnership that they call a marriage, that it is sexist to deny her her voice and she should have a say so in all matters because a marriage is a partnership first and foremost and the children are a product of that relationship. You'd likely say that he committed financial infidelity, and that if he really loved her, he wouldn't have put her in this situation and he should make amends immediately or risk losing her.
So don't give me the "mama bear protecting the cubs" crap, if you were in this situation you be as upset as I am..
It's one thing to make a solo decision in a marriage that you think your spouse might not agree with and ask for forgiveness later, but another thing altogether to do something completely against their wishes , disrespecting them in front of the children, making them look weak and like less than an equal partner, violating the trust you shared for many years and showing how little respect you have for them.
Trust, respect, honesty, and love are often quoted as the four main principles of a marriage. If you can't trust them anymore and you lost respect for them because they had none for you, and you now question their honesty in other matters, how much love can you have for them?
Location: In the cold, dark wasteland of eternity...
926 posts, read 673,222 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Switchback
Quote: "If you don't like that your wife LOVES HER DAUGHTERS so much that she would SACRIFICE her OWN well-being (financial or otherwise) to make sure that they are PROVIDED FOR."
Awwww...you almost had me here, true selfless mama-bear love...
And then I realized that what I was actually reading, was angry woman/man hating dribble.
You know damn well if the tables were turned and a woman was on her complaining that a man violated the financial trust that they shared and bought his child from another marriage a vehicle, totally against his wife's wishes that your response would be different and she should let him have it!
Whoa, whoa dude...calm down! I was just giving you my opinion on your situation from MY perspective. And, you're WRONG...my reaction would be the same if the shoe was on the other foot. A father also has an unbreakable bond and unconditional love with HIS CHILD! The parental bond with their child applies to BOTH genders, NOT just to moms. THIS is why you should never assume what someone's thoughts or intentions are at! You didn't even bother to ASK me if that was my position - and instead - you chose to jump down my throat!
Holy Jesus, Mary Mother of Christ......you've got some MAJOR anger and rage inside of you! But, I understand where your frustration and anger is coming from...so, if directing your anger and rage at me makes you feel better, then have at it. Whatever helps you deal with your emotions at this time.
Quote:
You'd probably say how insensitive it was for him to not involve her in the decision making and that she's an equal member in this partnership that they call a marriage, that it is sexist to deny her her voice and she should have a say so in all matters because a marriage is a partnership first and foremost and the children are a product of that relationship. You'd likely say that he committed financial infidelity, and that if he really loved her, he wouldn't have put her in this situation and he should make amends immediately or risk losing her.
So don't give me the "mama bear protecting the cubs" crap, if you were in this situation you be as upset as I am..
I'd "likely say".....I'd "probably say".... Um, why didn't you just ASK me what I would "likely say" instead of just ASSUMING what I'd say or think? Yes, your wife should have involved you in the decision-making with regard to the auto purchase for HER daughter. BUT, she did NOT like your response/suggestion regarding that - so, she made her OWN judgment call. And her judgment call was something you absolutely did NOT agree with - and that's fine. You have EVERY right to NOT agree with what she decided to do about HER daughter.
BUT...you NEVER answered my question: Did your wife use ALL of **HER** money to take out the loan for HER daughter's new vehicle??? THIS makes a HUGE difference - regardless of whether you both had a JOINT bank account or not. Well....did she use HER money to do this? OR, did she use ***YOUR*** money to take out the loan for her daughter's new car?
Quote:
It's one thing to make a solo decision in a marriage that you think your spouse might not agree with and ask for forgiveness later, but another thing altogether to do something completely against their wishes, disrespecting them in front of the children, making them look weak and like less than an equal partner, violating the trust you shared for many years and showing how little respect you have for them.
Who died and left YOU *boss* of EVERYTHING overseeing the finances of the marriage with regard to HER children?! You yourself stated that she did this "totally against YOUR wishes". WHY would you be THIS dead set AGAINST her doing this for HER daughter IF she used HER OWN MONEY? And, IF she used YOUR MONEY instead - then your wife was TOTALLY in the WRONG to do what she did without YOUR CONSENT because it was YOUR MONEY. *THIS* is why I have NEVER shared a joint bank account with ANY GUY - even my own ex-husband. I work my ass off to EARN MY OWN MONEY. And therefore, I will do WHATEVER I SEE FIT to do with it - especially IF it involves taking care of MY CHILD with WHATEVER they NEED, no matter HOW OLD THEY ARE.
Quote:
Trust, respect, honesty, and love are often quoted as the four main principles of a marriage. If you can't trust them anymore and you lost respect for them because they had none for you, and you now question their honesty in other matters, how much love can you have for them?
Well, if you really feel this way towards your wife, then um, you've got some MAJOR decisions to make now. For me, I have to know whether SHE spent HER OWN MONEY that she EARNED to help HER child with this vehicle loan purchase - OR whether she used HER HUSBAND'S MONEY to do it....knowing this would help me to determine WHO is TRULY at FAULT here...
Yeah, I was with him until he jumped over the cliff.
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Whoa, whoa dude...calm down! I was just giving you my opinion on your situation from MY perspective. And, you're WRONG...my reaction would be the same if the shoe was on the other foot. A father also has an unbreakable bond and unconditional love with HIS CHILD! The parental bond with their child applies to BOTH genders, NOT just to moms. THIS is why you should never assume what someone's thoughts or intentions are at! You didn't even bother to ASK me if that was my position - and instead - you chose to jump down my throat!
Holy Jesus, Mary Mother of Christ......you've got some MAJOR anger and rage inside of you! But, I understand where your frustration and anger is coming from...so, if directing your anger and rage at me makes you feel better, then have at it. Whatever helps you deal with your emotions at this time.
I'd "likely say".....I'd "probably say".... Um, why didn't you just ASK me what I would "likely say" instead of just ASSUMING what I'd say or think? Yes, your wife should have involved you in the decision-making with regard to the auto purchase for HER daughter. BUT, she did NOT like your response/suggestion regarding that - so, she made her OWN judgment call. And her judgment call was something you absolutely did NOT agree with - and that's fine. You have EVERY right to NOT agree with what she decided to do about HER daughter.
BUT...you NEVER answered my question: Did your wife use ALL of **HER** money to take out the loan for HER daughter's new vehicle??? THIS makes a HUGE difference - regardless of whether you both had a JOINT bank account or not. Well....did she use HER money to do this? OR, did she use ***YOUR*** money to take out the loan for her daughter's new car?
Who died and left YOU *boss* of EVERYTHING overseeing the finances of the marriage with regard to HER children?! You yourself stated that she did this "totally against YOUR wishes". WHY would you be THIS dead set AGAINST her doing this for HER daughter IF she used HER OWN MONEY? And, IF she used YOUR MONEY instead - then your wife was TOTALLY in the WRONG to do what she did without YOUR CONSENT because it was YOUR MONEY. *THIS* is why I have NEVER shared a joint bank account with ANY GUY - even my own ex-husband. I work my ass off to EARN MY OWN MONEY. And therefore, I will do WHATEVER I SEE FIT to do with it - especially IF it involves taking care of MY CHILD with WHATEVER they NEED, no matter HOW OLD THEY ARE.
Well, if you really feel this way towards your wife, then um, you've got some MAJOR decisions to make now. For me, I have to know whether SHE spent HER OWN MONEY that she EARNED to help HER child with this vehicle loan purchase - OR whether she used HER HUSBAND'S MONEY to do it....knowing this would help me to determine WHO is TRULY at FAULT here...
I apologize, I was wrong to assume what you were thinking.
To answer your question, there is no "her money" or "my money", we've always shared everything and considered it "our money" and always consulted each other on expenditures. I make at least 70% of our income but at her wishes allow her to manage our finances, and I have often been the one calling home to ask "the finance manager" if we can afford something and if she has any issue with s purchase.
I have trusted her completely and it has been this way for 20 years, until now.
I would never, NEVER disrespect her by doing something she said she was adamantly opposed to.
If I did, I'd expect her to be very offended and hurt.
This isn't a one time thing either, it is the gift that keeps on giving, once a month, for the next 60 months, so I will routinely be reminded of it..
I'd be pretty annoyed. Big purchases need to be made together.
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I was just giving you my opinion on your situation from MY perspective. And, you're WRONG...my reaction would be the same if the shoe was on the other foot. A father also has an unbreakable bond and unconditional love with HIS CHILD! The parental bond with their child applies to BOTH genders, NOT just to moms. THIS is why you should never assume what someone's thoughts or intentions are at! You didn't even bother to ASK me if that was my position - and instead - you chose to jump down my throat! 
...you've got some MAJOR anger and rage inside of you! But, I understand where your frustration and anger is coming from...so, if directing your anger and rage at me makes you feel better, then have at it. Whatever helps you deal with your emotions at this time.
Yes, your wife should have involved you in the decision-making with regard to the auto purchase for HER daughter. BUT, she did NOT like your response/suggestion regarding that - so, she made her OWN judgment call. And her judgment call was something you absolutely did NOT agree with - and that's fine. You have EVERY right to NOT agree with what she decided to do about HER daughter. 
You yourself stated that she did this "totally against YOUR wishes". WHY would you be THIS dead set AGAINST her doing this for HER daughter IF she used HER OWN MONEY? And, IF she used YOUR MONEY instead - then your wife was TOTALLY in the WRONG to do what she did without YOUR CONSENT because it was YOUR MONEY. *THIS* is why I have NEVER shared a joint bank account with ANY GUY - even my own ex-husband. I work my ass off to EARN MY OWN MONEY. And therefore, I will do WHATEVER I SEE FIT to do with it - especially IF it involves taking care of MY CHILD with WHATEVER they NEED, no matter HOW OLD THEY ARE.
