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One date and she was talking like that? I'm so sorry hun but that is a huge red flag and does not bode well for any kind of future relationship--can you imagine what else she'd try to dig up?
Anyone who wants to save old pix can just mark them "Only Me" in the privacy settings so no one else can view them.
But then you wouldn't know this chick was psycho, soooo...
I don't think shes a psycho, Lol. I think, she's a woman that's been hurt really bad in previous relationships, making her very very insecure, not to mention hypocritical, too.
We really know nothing about her. She could very well be kray kray, Lol.
I don't think shes a total psycho, Lol. I think, she's a woman that's been hurt really bad in previous relationships, making her very very insecure, not to mention hypocritical, too.
We really know nothing about her. She could very well be kray kray, Lol.
True, but at the very least super presumptuous, to assume she could make those kinds of judgments about him or assume that he has the same "rules" about exes that she does. It's weird.
Yikes.
Yeah, that's the hypocritical part. If she wants people to give HER a pass because of her past, she has to be willing to do the same for them.
I just had one of the most romantic perfect dates of mine and it came crashing and burning beyond all hope when I friended her on facebook tonight. Apparently she went right to work digging through my facebook pic, and immediately question who this girl was in an old pic of mine. I explained that it was my past girlfriend and that relationship ended long ago and she even moved several states away. We were just platonic facebook friends. Well this woman who had been so loving and acting like I was the greatest guy she ever met unloaded hell on me. She said it was completely unacceptable for me to be out dating other women while maintaining any kind of relationship with ex. That's what she did with her ex. When it's over, it's over according to her.
Factoid/Food for thought: Happens with about 75-80 percent of divorces. Imagine being married to someone like this?
Immediately I felt like I was put on trial like I had done something awful here. She was actually like I had cheated on her, first telling me that we should only be friends and then no, that wouldn't work, we should never speak again. Wow, just an hour before I am this wonderful guy that she cares about, and now she never wants to see me again. She explained that she would never feel like she is fully mine if I talk to other women on facebook. I can kinda see that, and would have even been willing to severe those relationships, but she shut me down saying, nope you would just resent me for making you end friendships. This was actually what her last husband done and it hurt her badly. So basically I reopened those wounds when she saw that posts. I tried to plead my call, but it was hopeless. She was not going to give me another chance.
Wonder if she's close friends with a judge?
The rest of your post: She's "damaged goods".
She turned the tables and asked me how I would feel if she was chatting up her exs on facebook. I don't imagine it would be a bother for me unless she was flirting with them. Casual conversation like movie recommendations which was going on with my ex on facebook seems fine to me. But maybe I would feel a lot more possessive in the relationship. The real kicker is that she was actually sharing an apartment with her ex. She told me that he ended up being gay and there was no way anything was going to happen between them. That should have been a red flag for me, but I was so caught up in the fairy dust that I was willing to look past that. So it's ok for her to live with an ex but I can't even maintain a casual facebook friendship? I should have thrown that back in her face but I'm not a vindictive person. She told me I should have been upfront before meeting that I maintain facebook relations with exs. And yes, she would not have given me a chance even then.
The other thing she threw at me is that when she started talking to me on POF, I should have not been talking to any other women. Because she wasn't doing that to me. I can understand that position, and is a problem I've had with online dating. At what point, should a person feel commited to another online? From my perspective, we haven't even met, why do I owe her a commitment to not speak to other women? My problem is I've met so many fake and screwed up women online that I don't put a lot of a faith into any kind of online relationship until there is a real face to face interaction.
It just floors me that something that felt like a real strong connection, (our date lasted 12 hours today) was undone by a piece of technology. To me, facebook is a like a treasure box of memories, and I had good memories with my ex. I don't understand why I was so wrong to not gut out those memories by blocking her and deleting any photos of her. So my two main questions are:
1. Is it wrong to maintain any kind of relationship with an ex even on something casual like facebook?
No, she's not your boss as well as you two are NOT a committed couple but even if so you should be allowed to have other female friends as you see fit.
2. Should a person feel committed on a dating site to only exclusively talk to this person prior to meeting in person?
I just had one of the most romantic perfect dates of mine and it came crashing and burning beyond all hope when I friended her on facebook tonight. Apparently she went right to work digging through my facebook pic, and immediately question who this girl was in an old pic of mine. I explained that it was my past girlfriend and that relationship ended long ago and she even moved several states away. We were just platonic facebook friends. Well this woman who had been so loving and acting like I was the greatest guy she ever met unloaded hell on me. She said it was completely unacceptable for me to be out dating other women while maintaining any kind of relationship with ex. That's what she did with her ex. When it's over, it's over according to her.
Immediately I felt like I was put on trial like I had done something awful here. She was actually like I had cheated on her, first telling me that we should only be friends and then no, that wouldn't work, we should never speak again. Wow, just an hour before I am this wonderful guy that she cares about, and now she never wants to see me again. She explained that she would never feel like she is fully mine if I talk to other women on facebook. I can kinda see that, and would have even been willing to severe those relationships, but she shut me down saying, nope you would just resent me for making you end friendships. This was actually what her last husband done and it hurt her badly. So basically I reopened those wounds when she saw that posts. I tried to plead my call, but it was hopeless. She was not going to give me another chance.
She turned the tables and asked me how I would feel if she was chatting up her exs on facebook. I don't imagine it would be a bother for me unless she was flirting with them. Casual conversation like movie recommendations which was going on with my ex on facebook seems fine to me. But maybe I would feel a lot more possessive in the relationship. The real kicker is that she was actually sharing an apartment with her ex. She told me that he ended up being gay and there was no way anything was going to happen between them. That should have been a red flag for me, but I was so caught up in the fairy dust that I was willing to look past that. So it's ok for her to live with an ex but I can't even maintain a casual facebook friendship? I should have thrown that back in her face but I'm not a vindictive person. She told me I should have been upfront before meeting that I maintain facebook relations with exs. And yes, she would not have given me a chance even then.
The other thing she threw at me is that when she started talking to me on POF, I should have not been talking to any other women. Because she wasn't doing that to me. I can understand that position, and is a problem I've had with online dating. At what point, should a person feel commited to another online? From my perspective, we haven't even met, why do I owe her a commitment to not speak to other women? My problem is I've met so many fake and screwed up women online that I don't put a lot of a faith into any kind of online relationship until there is a real face to face interaction.
It just floors me that something that felt like a real strong connection, (our date lasted 12 hours today) was undone by a piece of technology. To me, facebook is a like a treasure box of memories, and I had good memories with my ex. I don't understand why I was so wrong to not gut out those memories by blocking her and deleting any photos of her. So my two main questions are:
1. Is it wrong to maintain any kind of relationship with an ex even on something casual like facebook?
2. Should a person feel committed on a dating site to only exclusively talk to this person prior to meeting in person?
Silver lining buddy, you found the crazy early, now you know what you are dealing with. Technology did not destroy anything, crazy did, your only choice from here is if you want to deal with it. If you do, don't forget the warning flags.
IMO - She's insecure. I see nothing wrong with keeping exes as friends. I don't happen to have any, but if I guy I was seeing did, that's his choice. I'd be secure enough in the relationship not to feel threatened. Buh-bye
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,951,955 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut
This is why I don't maintain any relationships with ex's, especially on social media - it makes dating sooooooo much easier. I'm not condoning her jealous control-like behavior, OP, but you have to understand, a lot of potential dates are oversensitive to ex's orbiting.
These unstable and unreasonable people aren't potential partners, so there is no reason to meet them.
And being a friend is not orbiting.
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I'm so sorry hun but that is a huge red flag and does not bode well for any kind of future relationship--can you imagine what else she'd try to dig up?
