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I've been with my boyfriend for 9 months and I found out I was pregnant 2 months after we were together. We got together and things moved quickly because we were in college and spending all our time together. From the beginning, I knew we weren't meant to be because of the things he would do as far as texting other girls and disrespecting me verbally. When I found out I was pregnant I had mixed feelings because we both played basketball and I didn't want to sacrifice everything I had if he wasn't going to be here for me and my baby. He begged me to keep the baby and said he would always be here for me. He's from memphis TN and i'm from houston TX so I wasn't thinking about all of this at the time. I wasn't thinking about how he acts every time he would go home on break, he would treat me like crap and hardly talk to me. on christmas break, even saw a girl tag him in a post on facebook saying he was so funny and when i asked him about it he said it was his friend's gf which didn't make sense but I left it alone. He came to houston the last week of christmas break and a girl text his phone asking him "where the f you at" and when I asked him about it he said the girl was just crazy and he don't know why she text his phone because he hasn't talked to her in years. I don't know why I believed all of this but I guess my self esteem has been broken down so much and I feel like I deserve this type of treatment. I don't know, I couldn't tell you why I stay. He would do things to provoke me into getting mad and then say it's my fault why we argue. He let everyone believe I was crazy and they all think he's a saint because he's such a people person and I stay to myself. I noticed that when we're at school, he always wants to be with me and doesn't like for me to have friends at school or talk to my friends back home. But when school ended (Last friday, may 5th) and I came back home and he went home, things completely changed. we would always talk on the phone or be together but it's like as soon as he got home he didn't even call me that night and we haven't fell asleep on the phone since we were at school. Since last friday, he's been "busy" and I hardly talk to him but when I bring it up and tell him that I feel pushed to the side he accuses me of acting crazy for saying that or tripping. I honestly don't have anyone here for me emotionally besides my cousin and I know she has problems of her own so I try not to bother her but I don't have parents that are here for me, they live their own lives and consider me grown, so I kind of clinged to him for everything. I've always been the one to pay for everything and do his work sometimes. he's never did anything for me and when I needed help to pay for my doctor's appointment I told him and he didn't offer to help but then the same day he asked me to take him to mcdonalds. i'm like ok so I told you I needed help with my appointment but you acted like you didn't have any money. and he was like I only have $20 i'm like okay anything could've helped. like he doesn't get it. he's so selfish but honestly he's a great person with others I guess I just allow him to treat me that way. I don't understand why though? As soon as he got home, we hardly talk. I told him I hate being without him and my life sucks and I don't know what to do without him and his reply was "get some friends" like that really hurt.. he says he cares and wants to be with me and my baby girl. when we discussed how we would make this relationship work being in two different states with a baby, he said he would move to houston with me. now that we both back at home, he's saying that he has stuff to take care of out there and he has to get his self together. any time I call him on the phone he answers laughing or smiling but i'm on the other end depressed and sad and as soon as we start talking I get happy then I bring up how I feel pushed to the side and he gets mad and gets in a bad mood. I don't feel like he should do that when I tell him how I feel about something. he says I'm acting crazy and act like he's with females or something but he's not doing anything but being with his family. I told him I never accused him of being with other females and I get that things will be a little different now that he's back home but at the same time they shouldn't be completely different.
I shouldn't have to settle for a dry conversation when we text..
it goes like this
him: what you doing?
me: *tells him what i'm doing*
him: Aw.
like I don't wanna text if it's going to be like that. we don't even talk at night it's like he doesn't even want me anymore. I gave him all of me. I sacrificed my scholarship to have this baby and I feel like i've lost everything. He still has it all. I have a scholarship to go play basketball again in the fall but i'm going to have my baby in july and I won't have anyone to help me with her since the school is out of state and i'm going to be by myself. he said he would go to school with me and sacrifice a year just like I did so we both can get back into the swing of college basketball but come to find out, he's going to college in alabama and everything he ever said to me was a lie. how can someone not care about messing up someone else's life like that? or I shouldn't say he messed up my life because I chose to believe him. but how can you just live your life and not care how mine is going? I've done everything for myself since I been pregnant like he doesn't rub my back, get up and get things for me. he was so lazy at school and asked me get up to do things for him like make him popcorn or something. I just feel like i'm pregnant so I should be getting special treatment from my man. I wanted a family, a husband eventually. I'm 19 btw and he's 20. he's just so immature and feels like he has no responsibility. i'm at home pregnant as ever (7 months pregnant) and depressed. won't leave my bed unless it's to eat, won't go out with friends because I really just want him. he's so busy living his life and I don't know how to deal with this change. I never wanted to raise a baby alone but that's exactly what i'm going to do when he goes back to college and i'm probably going to just stay home. I shouldn't have to settle for occasional visits, he should be a man and be with us. I already know he's going to find someone else and use them just like he used me. like sometimes I ask myself is it me? would he treat someone else the way he does me? he said he never treated anyone like he does me so I feel like it's my fault. I don't know if it's because he just doesn't know how to be in a committed relationship or if it's because he really never wanted me. but it all hurts the same. I don't feel like I'll ever get through this. How can someone's feelings change so fast especially when he begged me to keep this baby? I'm so hurt. I feel like God's not listening and don't understand why God is putting me through this. I just want a family. I don't want to be a single mom or be without him because I love him so much. I'm not naive to just not know the manipulative things he does but it's almost like I rather put up with it than to lose him to someone else. I don't know how to let go. I feel if I stick around while he's immature and wait for him to grow up then things will work out. However, I've already lost myself and everything I had and I don't think I have the strength to wait around for something with the chances of it not happening. I have to become stronger for my daughter and for the next man that comes along. I just don't know how. I don't fully believe that I can move on from this or that another man will come around. As I keep saying, I just want a family because I grew up without both parents. I always told myself that I wouldn't let my children grow up the same way, that I would be smarter. I fell in love with someone who only seen me as a meal ticket and convenient (or at least thats what it feels like) and now I'm heartbroken with a baby on the way and no hope.
I know it's about the baby at the end of the day and adoption is not an option. I'm going to be the best mother I can be even if that means I have to turn down my scholarship. I have feelings at the end of the day though and can't see how I'm going to get over this. I have support from my family for my baby but not emotionally or when I need someone to talk to. I am a stay to myself person so if I don't tell they don't ask.
Last edited by adrianareign; 05-12-2017 at 12:52 AM..
Honestly, I would start thinking about adopting the baby out. Neither of you are prepared for the baby. He's definitely not going to be the reliable force you can depend on. His feelings hasn't changed so fast, he's just a stupid, irresponsible kid-- they don't think nor plan.
Unfortunately, you're just not in the position to provide what you want for the child. You don't have a support network or even a job. It would be kinder to the child to find the family that could provide what you can't. Forget the guy, forget the "relationship". Think about the child.
Honestly, I would start thinking about adopting the baby out. Neither of you are prepared for the baby. He's definitely not going to be the reliable force you can depend on. His feelings hasn't changed so fast, he's just a stupid, irresponsible kid-- they don't think nor plan.
Unfortunately, you're just not in the position to provide what you want for the child. You don't have a support network or even a job. It would be kinder to the child to find the family that could provide what you can't. Forget the guy, forget the "relationship". Think about the child.
The only reason I don't have a job is because I'm 32 weeks pregnant already. It's hard to find someone who would hire me this far along. I would never have a baby just to give her up. I'm not just going to be some bum who doesn't take care of my child. I just didn't expect to do this alone. I'm going to be the best mother I can be if that means I have to turn down my scholarship to play because I don't have enough help then that's what I'm going to do but adoption isn't the answer for me. I know it's about the baby at the end of the day but I do still have feelings. No I'm not prepared for the baby but I'd never let her go without. This is already hard enough and I know you're trying to be helpful but cruel words aren't necessary. Things happen, planned or not and although it's hard to see what God is doing and I just want to shout to the clouds, I know things happen for a reason and this is preparing me for what's to come. I don't have a great support system however, this is why I'm here.
The only reason I don't have a job is because I'm 32 weeks pregnant already. It's hard to find someone who would hire me this far along. I would never have a baby just to give her up. I'm not just going to be some bum who doesn't take care of my child. I just didn't expect to do this alone. I'm going to be the best mother I can be if that means I have to turn down my scholarship to play because I don't have enough help then that's what I'm going to do but adoption isn't the answer for me. I know it's about the baby at the end of the day but I do still have feelings. No I'm not prepared for the baby but I'd never let her go without. This is already hard enough and I know you're trying to be helpful but cruel words aren't necessary. Things happen, planned or not and although it's hard to see what God is doing and I just want to shout to the clouds, I know things happen for a reason and this is preparing me for what's to come. I don't have a great support system however, this is why I'm here.
There were no cruel words, but it is a cruel reality. And it's about to get a lot harder than now. I can promise you that, I can only wish you good luck.
The only reason I don't have a job is because I'm 32 weeks pregnant already. It's hard to find someone who would hire me this far along. I would never have a baby just to give her up. I'm not just going to be some bum who doesn't take care of my child. I just didn't expect to do this alone. I'm going to be the best mother I can be if that means I have to turn down my scholarship to play because I don't have enough help then that's what I'm going to do but adoption isn't the answer for me. I know it's about the baby at the end of the day but I do still have feelings. No I'm not prepared for the baby but I'd never let her go without. This is already hard enough and I know you're trying to be helpful but cruel words aren't necessary. Things happen, planned or not and although it's hard to see what God is doing and I just want to shout to the clouds, I know things happen for a reason and this is preparing me for what's to come. I don't have a great support system however, this is why I'm here.
Sorry for your situation OP. The reality is you are going to end up raising this child alone. The sooner you accept this reality the easier it will be. You need to stay in college and get your degree so you will be able to support your child.
The life of a single mom is not easy and that is the path you have chosen for yourself. A man is not a life plan. Women should not have children if they cannot support them on their own. The reality is half of first marriages end in divorce and second and third marriages have even higher failure rates. So statistically even if you are married when you have kids, there is a very good chance at some point in your life you will be raising them completely on your own.
My child's daycare was $800.00 a month and that was ten years ago. Aside from my mortgage it was my largest monthly expense. It was rough.
The worst thing you could do is jump into another relationship thinking a man is the answer or have more kids. Your best option is to complete your degree and develop a career so you can support your child. Kids are forever -- men not so much.
The only reason I don't have a job is because I'm 32 weeks pregnant already. It's hard to find someone who would hire me this far along. I would never have a baby just to give her up. I'm not just going to be some bum who doesn't take care of my child. I just didn't expect to do this alone. I'm going to be the best mother I can be if that means I have to turn down my scholarship to play because I don't have enough help then that's what I'm going to do but adoption isn't the answer for me. I know it's about the baby at the end of the day but I do still have feelings. No I'm not prepared for the baby but I'd never let her go without. This is already hard enough and I know you're trying to be helpful but cruel words aren't necessary. Things happen, planned or not and although it's hard to see what God is doing and I just want to shout to the clouds, I know things happen for a reason and this is preparing me for what's to come. I don't have a great support system however, this is why I'm here.
It's not being cruel to suggest adoption. And it can be the most loving thing you can do...if you choose that route. It hurts like hell...oh yes it does...but sometimes it's the most loving sacrifice you can give.
That said, you plan to keep your baby. Here are some practical things to do in preparation. See if you qualify for subsidized housing. And see if you can sign up for WIC. (I'm not sure if you can sign up before the baby is born or not.)
Talk to a counselor, or someone at school, and see if there's an on-campus day care. You're best shot of a successful life is finishing school, and if that means you have to participate in basketball, you need to find out what kind of options for daycare are out there for you, so you can do this.
Do your parents know you're having a baby? If not, you should tell them.
Your guy...you should plan as though he's not in the picture. He's not 'there' for you now, and he won't be once the going gets REALLY tough, with a baby.
It's not being cruel to suggest adoption.
Talk to a counselor...
He's not 'there' for you now, and he won't be once the going gets REALLY tough, with a baby.
Another vote for adoption.
And a new bf. And contraceptives.
And finishing school.
And a long delay before parenthood.
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"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
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Once you have a viable pregnancy, there's no easy way out here. All the ways to proceed are difficult. Had you chosen abortion early on, it's highly likely that would have haunted you. Adoption is painful. Raising a child all on your own is very difficult.
This is your choice. I really wish as a society we could relinquish the idea that moms are "bums" if they don't raise their child themselves.
So. You say you have support from your family. It doesn't sound like it's emotional support - but are they generous with financial support? Do you have a stable long term place to live that's safe and loving for you and your baby? Do you have a cushion to fall back on if you are between jobs or get sick?
I graduated this semester with an Associates Degree. I am not going to give my baby up for adoption. I am going to do whatever I have to do so she can have a great life. Everyone that I know knows that I'm having a baby. I will have financial support if things get rough however, emotionally I like to keep my business away from my family because I did make dumb decisions and I know they will judge me and talk about me to each other. I am more comfortable trying to get the response of strangers than to go to them and be judged. Once I got pregnant he kept me as a secret, stop posting me on his social media and I'm sure that only 25% of people on his side knows I'm pregnant because I'm the one that told them. At the end of the day, I'm going to keep going and make things work for my baby. I just wanted to know if there was anyone out there who's been through the same thing as me. Sorry if I get offended, I've never had reality set in until now and I'm trying to get better at accepting it. We aren't together because he can't treat me how I deserve to be treated. I think I've allowed him to do me any kind of way for far too long but I'd be lying if I said that I didn't have hope. I believe when or IF he matures he will be there for her because I seen how he is family oriented with his brothers and sisters but I don't think I'll be in the picture so it's time for me to move on and get over him. Unsure how to do that while we have a baby though. I have men tell me all the time they want to take care of me and my baby and I'm sure some are genuine about it. I just won't rush into anything because I know it's not healthy and I don't think I'll trust a male in that way ever again. Yes, I'm young and don't think about a lot but this baby really has given me a reality check and showed me how much I don't love or respect myself. I'm trying though.
Your baby deserves you. You are just a mother in less than ideal temporary circumstances. There is a lot of help out there for child. Orphaned people and children needing homes are reasons for adoption, not a woman in your circumstances. And really, children don't need much those first two years - so you can go to school. Your problem is getting financial assistance. That's major but this is the age of the internet, so you have at least that. Remember this: 50% marriages divorce; people get cancer; people go through bankruptcy, loving people get mental illnesses, etc... No adopter can predict your child's upbringing but YOU can definitely do it. Also, open adoptions are not legally enforceable. One more thing, do not let strangers or men into your home while you are parenting - it messes with the child and this is part of keeping them protected.
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