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If this was a physical abuse there's be no question, love or not I would never allow myself to be hurt physically. He'd never consider physically hurting me so why would he consider emotionally hurting me. Should an emotional hurt be forgivable? I guess the real question is can I forgive him for hurting me.
People are all saying leave and I have considered it. Can it be saved? Will he do it again?
Because a lot of people don't take the concept of emotional abuse seriously enough.
You have to decide whether it is worth it to take the risk of his doing this again. Just keep in mind that what men say they will do and what they actually do are not always synonymous. I wasted 13 years on a guy who turned out to be a compulsive liar and serial cheater. I wasn't sorry to see him go in the end. Luckily we were not married, or even living together.
Thank you! This is my problem, I do truly love him. And I do believe he loves me too, but he has acted immature and disrespectful.
Since I am 100% sure there is nothing physical can I forgive him for behaving this way?
If this was a physical abuse there's be no question, love or not I would never allow myself to be hurt physically. He'd never consider physically hurting me so why would he consider emotionally hurting me. Should an emotional hurt be forgivable? I guess the real question is can I forgive him for hurting me.
People are all saying leave and I have considered it. Can it be saved? Will he do it again?
All good questions that only he can answer.
OP if he is just having a midlife crisis then don't take this to extreme. Have a good open conversation with him. Tell him you don't think it is appropriate behavior. Then suggest how he would react if you were in his shoes. Talk about the love you both have for each other.
If he is remorseful and ceases to act silly then you have a deal. He should try new work. That girl.is playing along. He needs to respect his family and stop interacting with her this way.
Come on, nobody knows if he's going to be a "serial cheater" even if he has a crush. We are men. When beautiful women give us a lot of attention, we are easy to manipulate. You just have to put us in check by stressing us the hell out.
If you stress him out enough at home, he will not think about that other woman. You just have to put it all out there. Surprise him. I already gave you the template to success. It will work. Don't be scared.
And when I refer to stress, I mean confront him with everything out on the table.
My fear is if I confront him he'll leave. If anyone leaves I want it to be me. My fear is being on the street or at a women's shelter b/c I have no where to go. My fear is admitting I may have fell in love with the wrong man.
I am not afraid of being alone or living alone. Just of the immediate unknown if all hell breaks loose.
I'm too nice. It's one of my best qualities and one of my worst. You must know the type, always with a happy face. That's me. Happy on the outside, dying on the inside.
I read all this thread. I can't figure out why you want to keep him. Many women make a big mistake when they give up their jobs for a man or take a job that pays less when they move and completely give up everything for "love." Love is great but when something happens like this, you are stuck. You got too dependent. Start undoing that. Get money together, better job if possible, work two jobs. Get your life back. This husband takes you for granted. He feels secure that you are stuck there so he has the confidence to do this stuff.
It just boggles me how a lot of people can go through life not having the courage to speak up, especially if it negatively/directly affects their life. I know of a woman that was going through a similar situation. When she gets shorted at cash register buying something or when her pay check is short of overtime, she doesn't hesitate to speak up. But chirp-chirp crickets when confronting her husband she has loved and known for years about his scandalous behavior towards another woman.
I'm not out to leave him penniless, nor am I out for vengeance. Of course I want to confront him. That's why I am here. Sometimes strangers can give unbiased advice that someone who knows both parties cannot. The question is not can I live with things the way they are. I can't but I am getting things in order so I can survive if this marriage cannot be saved. The question is how to go about confronting him when I am not a confrontational type of person.
Tell him you have some concerns about the marriage, and you'd like the two of you to go to a marriage counselor. If he wants to know what those concerns are, let him drag it out of you, but make an app't for both of you, anyway.
I apologize if this has been said already (I'm not reading through 10 pages of this) but when (not if...) the young'un gets tired of playing with him, she might claim sexual harassment and poof! there goes his job.
Your choices as I see then: a) do nothing and just don't trust him from here forward (bad way to go through a marriage), b) confront him and accept his excuses/lies and essentially just go forward from there with no real changes, or c) confront him and demand a change in behavior. If he confesses and refuses a change, then decide whether you're willing to be Jackie Kennedy and just deal with it. He is not respecting you. Do you want to accept that?
Come on, nobody knows if he's going to be a "serial cheater" even if he has a crush. We are men. When beautiful women give us a lot of attention, we are easy to manipulate. You just have to put us in check by stressing us the hell out.
If you stress him out enough at home, he will not think about that other woman. You just have to put it all out there. Surprise him. I already gave you the template to success. It will work. Don't be scared.
And when I refer to stress, I mean confront him with everything out on the table.
This has been going on for 2 years. And it sounds like the girl in question is friend zoning him, but he doesn't seem to be getting the message. I was pursued by a guy 34 years my senior, when I was 29. He wasn't keen on taking no for an answer. OP's husband reminds me a lot of him.
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