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Last year we were all in a different city and he wanted to meet up with her for drinks (he b/f wan't there) and I told him I had no desire to get together with his work g/f. He accused me of being jealous, etc. I am not the jealous type and never have been in any of my past relationships. It was only recently when he started checking his phone all the time that aroused my suspicions.
"Ish. He hasn't given you a compliment for 4 years? Who in their right mind would keep track, year after year..."nope, not one compliment this year either...."
I get nothing, not you smell nice, your hair looks nice, I think this meal is delicious, absolutely nothing. I realised in 2014 that he never said anything nice and thought back to when he did, I recall it perfectly. I don't think I deserve to be treated like this I just don't know how to start a conversation I know will end in a fight. I realise that is my issue but that is not the issue at hand.
You gotta fight him. Fighting is a part of relationships. You have to make him feel like crap and basically threaten to leave or be with someone else. I'm telling you, this works. Because he will start thinking deeply about how much you mean to him and he'll start trying to make it up to you.
It's the best way to get him to break it off. You're his number 1, but you also gotta make him feel like he's your number 1 too.
Since 2013 when she started working there and the last compliment he gave me things changed. No affection at all, perfunctory closed mouth kiss when he leaves for work & at bed time, he'll stay up and masturbate instead of coming to bed with me, and the sex has dropped to once every 2 weeks with no foreplay.... until recently. After he sent the texts about the shower he is more attentive in bed although still not as often as I'd like (and yes he has cialis).
I know he's attracted to her, heck I am too she's lovely and it probably is just a midlife crisis, she makes him feel young and wanted (even though I look 35 and am in good shape and would have him every day if I could). Which is why I hesitate to confront him. But this isn't going away and he's gotten bolder with his texts and now the creeping on Instagram. Sounds like a stalker movie.
You went through his phone two months ago and yet you haven't said anything up to now??? No wonder he is behaving the way he is, he knows he can get away with it and you won't say anything even if you do find out about it.
I know a woman who is like that - even after finding out her bf was using her as an OW for 4 years while telling her they were a couple, she still accepted him as a "legitimate" SO after his real gf found out about him and kicked him out. And he still cheats on her, even though they have been shacking up for a while. He's one of those guys who has a lot of coattail-hangers and a huge social circle, so she must think they are some kind of "power couple." Obviously she would rather be with a lying, cheating a-hole than be alone, though, so I don't feel the least bit sorry for her.
I live in Canada. Full blown infidelity is not a grounds for a divorce. Abuse is pretty much the only cause. I can get spousal support (aka alimony) for 3 years but he doesn't have to pay it until a court orders him to. Which means I would have to go to court before the divorce if he doesn't agree to pay me support out of the goodness of his heart (in Canada you have to be separated 1 year before you can get divorced) And when he finds out I went through his phone and know about the Instagram account he will be livid which would make him les likely to be agreeable to give support.
I've suspected for two years but only went though his phone in March. Those were the texts I found that were suspicious, most were work related and those that weren't were innocent. I know I need to confront him before I go insane but how? Neither of us does well with confrontation. When I do he usually stops talking to me for days.
Hire a neutral third party as mediator. Tell him: "Couples counseling, NOW!" Do your homework, and find a couple of counselors. Perhaps male and female ones for his to choose among.
Since you know the two of you don't do well discussing hot-button topics, you could insist that you won't discuss it until counseling begins. You could be somewhat conciliatory: "Look, we both know we don't do well discussing difficult issues, so let's make a rule: no discussing it until we get professional help with the discussing. I don't want to have a big rift or scene, I value the vows we took. Let's respect each other enough to not start something we know would end badly, and let's wait for the appointment." Repeat as needed: "Sorry, I think it's best we don't discuss this before the appointment."
Tell your husband to choose his friendship at work or choose your wife? Simple as that. No excuse for married people to have personal contact at work, ever. Hi and bye, keep it moving!
Give him an ultimatum, and move on if he cant understand.
Marriages have boundaries, and flirting outside the marriage is very disrespectful. I am sure he would flip out crazy if it were you in these conversations.
Dont tolerate this, he is grown and should know better.
I live in Canada. Full blown infidelity is not a grounds for a divorce. Abuse is pretty much the only cause. I can get spousal support (aka alimony) for 3 years but he doesn't have to pay it until a court orders him to. Which means I would have to go to court before the divorce if he doesn't agree to pay me support out of the goodness of his heart (in Canada you have to be separated 1 year before you can get divorced) And when he finds out I went through his phone and know about the Instagram account he will be livid which would make him les likely to be agreeable to give support.
Canada? Grounds for divorce? Doesn't it go by province? Is there no no-fault divorce in your province?
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and it probably is just a midlife crisis, she makes him feel young and wanted (even though I look 35 and am in good shape and would have him every day if I could). Which is why I hesitate to confront him. But this isn't going away and he's gotten bolder with his texts and now the creeping on Instagram. Sounds like a stalker movie.
