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Everyone says "oh life gets so much better after 30. You'll be so much more sure of yourself, you really don't give a ***** and all aspects of life just gets better"...
Did I miss something?
Maybe I'm doing a little better professionally, but my love life has gotten worse (I'm a woman so I guess I expected this). I feel so much more pressure to get it right, to look, feel and sound perfect so I can get the right guy, the right friends and the right life. It doesn't help that I live in Phoenix, which outside of LA/NY is a city filled with some of the most beautiful people in the country and I just don't feel like I stack up.
ugh. I've watched every last guy I wanted pick another woman over me. I still attract the same men I did my entire 20's (redneck, emotionally unavailable and Mod cut., just wants to hook up ) while I'm here working on my health and fitness every day and trying to be the best me I can be. I'm not perfect. I just want a simple, clean cut boy next door type to settle down with. I did everything "right"..gave most men a chance, gave my relationships my best, yet I'm still washed up at almost 31. I'm dreading my birthday on June 11th. I'll probably take that day to mourn my dreams of ever having a family of my own.
Today a young, 22 year old girl at work told me she'd feel old if she had kids after 25...I know she didn't meant to, but that stabbed right in the chest which I know is silly but I can't help it. I told her I wanted to be a young mom too but life didn't' happen for me that way, but that I hope it works out for her.
Anyways, I realize my attitude sucks in this post, but seriously...how does one cope with this? Does it ever get easier to cope with? some days I don't notice how alone I am and others, like today, it stings. I'm not getting any younger and living life alone is really hard for someone who craves connection.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 05-21-2017 at 07:55 PM..
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Everyone says "oh life gets so much better after 30. You'll be so much more sure of yourself, you really don't give a ***** and all aspects of life just gets better"...
Did I miss something?
Maybe I'm doing a little better professionally, but my love life has gotten worse (I'm a woman so I guess I expected this). I feel so much more pressure to get it right, to look, feel and sound perfect so I can get the right guy, the right friends and the right life. It doesn't help that I live in Phoenix, which outside of LA/NY is a city filled with some of the most beautiful people in the country and I just don't feel like I stack up.
ugh. I've watched every last guy I wanted pick another woman over me. I still attract the same men I did my entire 20's (redneck, emotionally unavailable and [snip]just wants to hook up ) while I'm here working on my health and fitness every day and trying to be the best me I can be. I'm not perfect. I just want a simple, clean cut boy next door type to settle down with. I did everything "right"..gave most men a chance, gave my relationships my best, yet I'm still washed up at almost 31. I'm dreading my birthday on June 11th. I'll probably take that day to mourn my dreams of ever having a family of my own.
Today a young, 22 year old girl at work told me she'd feel old if she had kids after 25...I know she didn't meant to, but that stabbed right in the chest which I know is silly but I can't help it. I told her I wanted to be a young mom too but life didn't' happen for me that way, but that I hope it works out for her.
Anyways, I realize my attitude sucks in this post, but seriously...how does one cope with this? Does it ever get easier to cope with? some days I don't notice how alone I am and others, like today, it stings. I'm not getting any younger and living life alone is really hard for someone who craves connection.
Nether was 16, 21, 25, and neither will 40 or 50 be. It is a process that you go through.
As far as your love life. I really don't know what to say because I'm not perfectly happy with my love life. All I can say is that life is going to give us disappointments and sometimes we will be let down in areas that mean the most to us.
Also, the worst thing you can do for yourself is try to be right or do all the right things. I'm in Chandler, AZ and it is weird here. Nicer than Phoenix, but still weird. It wasn't all that magical turning 30 for me either. My 20s sucked and I'm not off to a good start in my 30s.
Age is really just a number in some cases. It is based more on accomplishments. You definitely have to find yourself, and if you are anything like me, finding a romantic partner is not going to make all of your issues go away.
But, seriously, you are only 30-31. You still have time to have a family. Don't buy into the hype pedo-media throws at you. Your life is still just beginning at age 30-31. It's not like you are in your late 50s early 60s.
To answer your question, does it get easier to cope with? Not all by itself. You'd have to shift your thinking and your priorities. You can't force your mindset to change. Instead, it is better to look at what you want and go deeper. For instance, you want a family. Why do you want a family?
In my case, I want a family because I want to love and be loved. I want to love and be loved because it helps me feel validated (that's off the top of my head).
I realize I am kinda all over the place here. But yeah, I really go through this too sometimes. I feel as if I should be established as an owner of a successful business and a husband and father. But in the end, I am responsible for my life and I have learned that I have to make some tough decisions.
Everyone says "oh life gets so much better after 30. You'll be so much more sure of yourself, you really don't give a ***** and all aspects of life just gets better"...
Did I miss something?
Maybe I'm doing a little better professionally, but my love life has gotten worse (I'm a woman so I guess I expected this). I feel so much more pressure to get it right, to look, feel and sound perfect so I can get the right guy, the right friends and the right life. It doesn't help that I live in Phoenix, which outside of LA/NY is a city filled with some of the most beautiful people in the country and I just don't feel like I stack up.
ugh. I've watched every last guy I wanted pick another woman over me. I still attract the same men I did my entire 20's (redneck, emotionally unavailable and [snip] just wants to hook up ) while I'm here working on my health and fitness every day and trying to be the best me I can be. I'm not perfect. I just want a simple, clean cut boy next door type to settle down with. I did everything "right"..gave most men a chance, gave my relationships my best, yet I'm still washed up at almost 31. I'm dreading my birthday on June 11th. I'll probably take that day to mourn my dreams of ever having a family of my own.
Today a young, 22 year old girl at work told me she'd feel old if she had kids after 25...I know she didn't meant to, but that stabbed right in the chest which I know is silly but I can't help it. I told her I wanted to be a young mom too but life didn't' happen for me that way, but that I hope it works out for her.
Anyways, I realize my attitude sucks in this post, but seriously...how does one cope with this? Does it ever get easier to cope with? some days I don't notice how alone I am and others, like today, it stings. I'm not getting any younger and living life alone is really hard for someone who craves connection.
That may be the 22 year old's opinion, but plenty of women (especially nowadays) have kids after 25 and even 30-35 with success.
As for how to cope with it. Try to focus on your hobbies and interests, just something to take your mind off it. May not be the best answer, but it's the best I can give.
Everyone says "oh life gets so much better after 30. You'll be so much more sure of yourself, you really don't give a ***** and all aspects of life just gets better"...
Did I miss something?
Maybe I'm doing a little better professionally, but my love life has gotten worse (I'm a woman so I guess I expected this). I feel so much more pressure to get it right, to look, feel and sound perfect so I can get the right guy, the right friends and the right life. It doesn't help that I live in Phoenix, which outside of LA/NY is a city filled with some of the most beautiful people in the country and I just don't feel like I stack up.
ugh. I've watched every last guy I wanted pick another woman over me. I still attract the same men I did my entire 20's (redneck, emotionally unavailable and [snip] just wants to hook up ) while I'm here working on my health and fitness every day and trying to be the best me I can be. I'm not perfect. I just want a simple, clean cut boy next door type to settle down with. I did everything "right"..gave most men a chance, gave my relationships my best, yet I'm still washed up at almost 31. I'm dreading my birthday on June 11th. I'll probably take that day to mourn my dreams of ever having a family of my own.
Today a young, 22 year old girl at work told me she'd feel old if she had kids after 25...I know she didn't meant to, but that stabbed right in the chest which I know is silly but I can't help it. I told her I wanted to be a young mom too but life didn't' happen for me that way, but that I hope it works out for her.
Anyways, I realize my attitude sucks in this post, but seriously...how does one cope with this? Does it ever get easier to cope with? some days I don't notice how alone I am and others, like today, it stings. I'm not getting any younger and living life alone is really hard for someone who craves connection.
I was always told life ends at 30, so don't feel too bad! ��
Well, that's what I was told, I just don't think it has to be true. Are you a shy person? Phoenix isn't a terrible city, it's no Orange County, New York (where my mom lives and THAT is a pretty dead place and it gets even worse the more upstate you go, except for maybe metro areas around Albany, Rochester, Syracuse and Buffalo and yet it's still only 60-90 minutes from NYC). I don't think you need to live in LA or NYC to find love or great relationships. Phoenix is still a fairly large metro area.
Don't be so sad you don't have children yet, you're still a young woman, as much as we might have thought early 30's people were old back when we were teenagers. Having a family at 22-25, was never what I wanted and it was one of the reasons I lost a pretty good girl over, some years ago.
I don't have much advise but the typical jibber you've already heard a million times. Chin up, you're still young - life has just began for you. You'll find someone, I promise.
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 7 days ago)
35,629 posts, read 17,961,729 times
Reputation: 50652
I'm so sorry you're having to experience this, Mir.
For thousands of years humans have managed to find partners. If they only had a community of 50, or then a community of 300, or then a small town of 1000, humans managed to find lifelong partners.
I have no way to explain how it is that humans now have huge cities and the internet, and it seems harder to find acceptable partners than it was when you only had 10 available mates or so to choose from.
Sounds like the OP is partially blowing off steam and partially looking for help. I can understand how she feels. It's tough out there. I think a lot of people struggle. I don't have any wise words of wisdom other than put yourself out there is about all. Not sure how attractive or unattractive the OP was, she made hints that she's maybe not as attractive or what ever, but there really is a lid for all pots out there.
Develop some interests and go with those. That will help a bit in keeping people active and well rounded. I wish her the best moving forward.
31 isn't that old, it just sorta seems that way. When you're late 40's like myself you'll sorta laugh at this post of yours. Plenty of people get together past 30. In terms of the baby front, unfortunately there is a certain amount of a timer going. I'm not going to sugar coat that part. You can have babies later these days but risks go up once you get into your later 30's into your 40's.
Nether was 16, 21, 25, and neither will 40 or 50 be. It is a process that you go through.
As far as your love life. I really don't know what to say because I'm not perfectly happy with my love life. All I can say is that life is going to give us disappointments and sometimes we will be let down in areas that mean the most to us.
Also, the worst thing you can do for yourself is try to be right or do all the right things. I'm in Chandler, AZ and it is weird here. Nicer than Phoenix, but still weird. It wasn't all that magical turning 30 for me either. My 20s sucked and I'm not off to a good start in my 30s.
Age is really just a number in some cases. It is based more on accomplishments. You definitely have to find yourself, and if you are anything like me, finding a romantic partner is not going to make all of your issues go away.
But, seriously, you are only 30-31. You still have time to have a family. Don't buy into the hype pedo-media throws at you. Your life is still just beginning at age 30-31. It's not like you are in your late 50s early 60s.
To answer your question, does it get easier to cope with? Not all by itself. You'd have to shift your thinking and your priorities. You can't force your mindset to change. Instead, it is better to look at what you want and go deeper. For instance, you want a family. Why do you want a family?
In my case, I want a family because I want to love and be loved. I want to love and be loved because it helps me feel validated (that's off the top of my head).
I realize I am kinda all over the place here. But yeah, I really go through this too sometimes. I feel as if I should be established as an owner of a successful business and a husband and father. But in the end, I am responsible for my life and I have learned that I have to make some tough decisions.
I'm right off of Tempe but yeah. I want a family for the same reasons you do. Yeah, I have a tiny bit of time, but the longer I wait, the less time I get with my kids and grandkids down the road and that saddens me.
[quote=NewYorker11356;48219434]That may be the 22 year old's opinion, but plenty of women (especially nowadays) have kids after 25 and even 30-35 with success.
As for how to cope with it. Try to focus on your hobbies and interests, just something to take your mind off it. May not be the best answer, but it's the best I can give.[/QUOTE2
You're right about that! I said the same things at her age and now feel stupid and mean to have ever said that. Most women in my family had kids up to 42 ish successfully but I still don't want to be that old.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC
I'm so sorry you're having to experience this, Mir.
For thousands of years humans have managed to find partners. If they only had a community of 50, or then a community of 300, or then a small town of 1000, humans managed to find lifelong partners.
I have no way to explain how it is that humans now have huge cities and the internet, and it seems harder to find acceptable partners than it was when you only had 10 available mates or so to choose from.
Best wishes.
I baffles and blows my mind too! of all the men I've met and gone out with, etc. I should've found my husband like 10 times by now. Its crazy to me!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound
Sounds like the OP is partially blowing off steam and partially looking for help. I can understand how she feels. It's tough out there. I think a lot of people struggle. I don't have any wise words of wisdom other than put yourself out there is about all. Not sure how attractive or unattractive the OP was, she made hints that she's maybe not as attractive or what ever, but there really is a lid for all pots out there.
Develop some interests and go with those. That will help a bit in keeping people active and well rounded. I wish her the best moving forward.
31 isn't that old, it just sorta seems that way. When you're late 40's like myself you'll sorta laugh at this post of yours. Plenty of people get together past 30. In terms of the baby front, unfortunately there is a certain amount of a timer going. I'm not going to sugar coat that part. You can have babies later these days but risks go up once you get into your later 30's into your 40's.
Best of luck to you.
Depends who you ask how attractive I am but I do take pride in my appearance and I'm in shape. I have this huge Polish nose that my dad gave me, but nothing outside of surgery, that I can do about it.
yes, I'm venting too. I can be as patient as ever for the right guy to come along but if I want a family, I only have so many years left and it just hurts every day. I deserve it but its not happening. He just isn't showing up.
Nether was 16, 21, 25, and neither will 40 or 50 be. It is a process that you go through.
As far as your love life. I really don't know what to say because I'm not perfectly happy with my love life. All I can say is that life is going to give us disappointments and sometimes we will be let down in areas that mean the most to us.
Also, the worst thing you can do for yourself is try to be right or do all the right things. I'm in Chandler, AZ and it is weird here. Nicer than Phoenix, but still weird. It wasn't all that magical turning 30 for me either. My 20s sucked and I'm not off to a good start in my 30s.
Age is really just a number in some cases. It is based more on accomplishments. You definitely have to find yourself, and if you are anything like me, finding a romantic partner is not going to make all of your issues go away.
But, seriously, you are only 30-31. You still have time to have a family. Don't buy into the hype pedo-media throws at you. Your life is still just beginning at age 30-31. It's not like you are in your late 50s early 60s.
To answer your question, does it get easier to cope with? Not all by itself. You'd have to shift your thinking and your priorities. You can't force your mindset to change. Instead, it is better to look at what you want and go deeper. For instance, you want a family. Why do you want a family?
In my case, I want a family because I want to love and be loved. I want to love and be loved because it helps me feel validated (that's off the top of my head).
I realize I am kinda all over the place here. But yeah, I really go through this too sometimes. I feel as if I should be established as an owner of a successful business and a husband and father. But in the end, I am responsible for my life and I have learned that I have to make some tough decisions.
I can't rep you again so I just want to say ... amazing post, T
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) while I'm here working on my health and fitness every day and trying to be the best me I can be. I'm not perfect. I just want a simple, clean cut boy next door type to settle down with. I did everything "right"..gave most men a chance, gave my relationships my best, yet I'm still washed up at almost 31. I'm dreading my birthday on June 11th. I'll probably take that day to mourn my dreams of ever having a family of my own. 
