Struggling to cope with my boyfriend's feelings for his ex... Support and advice would be appreciated. (long-term, woman)
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Some of you on here might know my story. I'm a gay male in a relationship with a bisexual male. We're coming up to our first year anniversary. He was previously in a long-term relationship with a woman before we got together.
For those of you who remember me, I had some trust issues with my man since discovering several emotionally charged messages between him and his ex. It caused me to keep snooping at his phone and Facebook for evidence that he was still in love with her. This morning I found my proof... Devastated doesn't even begin to describe how I feel...
I haven't confronted him yet... It pains me to type this out, but basicially he said to her that it was hard not to cry sometimes just thinking about her and missing her so much. That he misses her so much at times that it's unbearable just remembering everything about her. That she is a perfect person. That she brought joy, meaning and purpose to his life and he is scared he will never have it again. That he was in tears while writing to her.
She was being supportive to him and asked if he doesn't have that kind of relationship with me. Then he said he 'didn't know' and that it wasn't bad between us, just 'different'.
He then told her he has so much regret, doubt and feels helpless and alone. He said he hasn't told anyone about this. He thinks about it everyday and feels sad but just hides it. He also mentioned that he couldn't talk to me about this because I wouldn't understand and I'd be hurt. Well I am!!
He said at one point if he could change everything so he could be happy, his happiness wouldn't be worth what would have to change because it would ruin other peoples lives. So from that it seems like he doesn't want to break up with me because he doesn't want to hurt me. That really sucks to know that and it breaks my heart that THAT is the only reason he is still with me.
I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't work... I don't know what to do.
It's time to gather yourself and do the rational thing so you can deal with the emotions you're feeling.
You need to tell him you know, and tell him it's over. Let him go so you can both deal with your pain, separately. This has to end ASAP. You will make yourself insane staying with him and snooping constantly.
It's not love. You can find that, but not with him.
OP, aside from you and your BF loving drama in your life, all I can say is. Tell him you know about his 'revelations' to his ex. And is it true what he said? You really won't understand? Whatever it is he revealed?
Your dilemma will be solved by just talking to him about this. I don't think I can remain in a relationship like your knowing your BF talks to another person and don't talk to you about it. OR is just with me even though they are miserable. Even if it will hurt me, I would let them go, honestly.
Not worth it. I am all about MUTUAL.
I know you don't want to lose him but the problem is, you don't really have him except for his physical presence. His heart is elsewhere.
It'll hurt to leave but not much more than it will to stay and if you stay it'll just last longer.
It's time to gather yourself and do the rational thing so you can deal with the emotions you're feeling.
You need to tell him you know, and tell him it's over. Let him go so you can both deal with your pain, separately. This has to end ASAP. You will make yourself insane staying with him and snooping constantly.
It's not love. You can find that, but not with him.
Trey, take this ^^ advice.
I'm familiar with your story and advised you in your previous threads that because of his lingering feelings for his ex, the relationship was not sustainable.
You now need to stop denying what is obvious, and come to terms with the fact that you need to stop seeing this guy. For your own physical and mental health, break up with him immediately.
I am curious about what happened between the last thread and now to make you go snooping again? You were so certain things were good and refused to listen to anymore warnings and even accused people of seeing the worst in everything.
Until you are ready to let go nothing anyone says here will make a difference. You are already caught up in the cycle of suspicion, snooping, temporary appeasement, and denial. You have to decide for yourself that you deserve better than this.
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Well I am!! 
