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I met this guy in Feb 2016 when I first started working at our company. We are both in our early and mid 30's. He never flirted with me at that time because I was in a relationship at the time plus when we had group chats with other co workers (random relationship/ family convos) he remembered me saying that I would never date anyone who works in the same building as me. We always remained cool and always asked if I needed help with work. Fast forward to the end of December he got a promotion and was transferred to another building across the city. In January he called me and told me he always had a crush on me and then asked me out on a date. My previous relationship ended in Aug and he seemed like a nice guy so I gave it a shot.
Everything was going great so far for months. He was very sweet, had a lot in common (wanting marriage, kids etc in the future) very hardworking, love to travel and have fun etc. He calls, text everyday throughout the day to see how I'm doing and we made time to see each other whenever we can. We both work long hrs and since his promotion his workload doubled causing him to work twice as many hrs as before. He didn't have a lot of free time like his used to.
Well two months into "bliss" his father's (who has been sick for years) illness has gotten worse to the point where he couldn't walk on his own anymore. His grandfather who's in his 90's also started going back and fourth to the hospital. Both of those issues plus his job has caused us to see less of each other the following weeks. He also became distant. There were times when he didn't want to talk much like he usually do. Although I understood I felt neglected because wish I he would confide in me rather than being distant. I sat him down one day and I told him I understood if he needed time and space to deal with his issues and if he wanted to put the relationship on hold to do so, then told him if he needed me for anything I'm here. He said he didn't want us to end. So we continued.
In the following weeks we have not seen each other but we kept in contact. I learned that he can be moody and if he's in a bad mood convos would be short and if doesn't want to talk he'll make up an excuse to get off the phone. There were times where he went days without talking to me and when I asked he said he was busy. He would be super sweet and cared about my well being one week and then he would be cold and distant the next. I understand that he's going thru those things but it has gotten to the point where we don't see each other at all and only talk on his terms. He started ignoring me if he was upset then come back whenever he was in a good mood again. I was tired of feeling left out and confused from his hot and cold behavior. After another couple weeks I decided to ask him again what he wanted. He said he wanted me and wanted us to work out. I decided to keep trying because deep down I didn't want to give up because I didn't want to make it seem like I would give up on someone when times got bad.
Well it's now been 2 and a half months since we saw each other. He stopped ignoring me but whenever he didn't want to be bothered he would be short. He would check in but kept convos short then say he's busy so he would get off the phone. He would keep me updated with his family situation and ask me certain things concerning them sometimes. When he's not with his family or at work he would be home not doing anything . I was reaching my breaking point because I didn't understand why he says he wants to be with me but didn't want to see me. When I asked him why he would say either because he was tired or busy. Then I asked when's the next time we would see each other he said he doesn't know and he'll see. When I tried talking to him this past these past few days he would avoid me. I decided that I couldn't do it anymore and wanted to end it. Since he was avoiding my calls I text him and told him that he cannot handle a relationship while dealing with work and family issues so let's just end this. I told him that I'm sorry that he's going thru those family issues but I was tired of being left out and being treated this way, but I told him if he needs me for anything I'm here and we could still be friends. He never responded and it's been three days since.
A part of me feels bad and I wasn't sure if I did the right thing. Maybe he's acting like this because of his family and job issues? I tried to be patient and understanding but I hate how I was being treated. I thought when people go thru things they would want to be closer to their significant other and look to them for support. I never been in a situation like this so I don't know what to think. Should I have been more patient or was it best let him go?
Some people really withdraw in times of stress. It's understandable, but it's incredibly difficult to live with as a romantic partner.
If you were married, it would be one thing. But since you're still just dating, it's hard for you to know just how supportive to be, especially when he is not really reciprocating at all.
I do think taking a break makes sense, if for no other reason than for you to reset your expectations. But maybe you could have phrased it to leave the door open instead of closed. ??
Kind of like, "I know you're really going through hell right now, and I care about you and want to support you the way that works best for you. Right now, though, it feels like I'm in the way more than anything. So I'm just gonna back off for a while with the hope that you will reach out if and when you want to."
Or something like that. Then just go on with your life.
If he's that withdrawn under stress, though, you just might not be compatible.
i think you did the right thing and i think you should just leave him. being with someone like this could be really tiresome and its just wasting your time.....if he couldn't even share his life with you while you're dating then you could imagine how hard your marriage could be.
I think you did the right thing. It takes a few mins to respond to a text and there's 24 hrs in a day. I think he was being rude honestly. Tough times will come and go, you can't totally shut down each time life gets hectic. If he couldn't handle it, or it just wasn't the right time, he should have let you know..or agreed to a break when you originally suggested it.
You did the right thing. Those who retreat when they're going through stuff...that's how they deal with issues and it's not a good way to things but do you really want to spend anymore of your precious time trying to convince someone of that? Nope...because that's how they choose to deal so you need to be with someone who doesn't deal in that way when there are times of stress going on.You are right...when you're in a relationship and things are stressful for the other partner...you need a partner that will not avoid you, be short with you or ignore you when they're stressed or going through stuff because that's not how you operate..
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