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Old 06-04-2017, 01:57 PM
 
11 posts, read 6,188 times
Reputation: 10

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Quote:
Originally Posted by wanderlust76 View Post
Yup only about 10 - 20 pct of men do any good on it and most are in certain metros. In my area if I filter out women with kids and filter out for my physical attraction / body type preference I eliminate at least 75 pct of my matches due to those 2 things alone.

So I'm basically messaging the same women that a hundred other men are messaging. This is why men do the copy pasta / spam. The logic there is if you copy pasta spam email 500 women statistically at least a couple should respond.

Men like us that cherry pick, read profiles, strategically decide who we write to and write a regular letter cannot compete, it's impossible.

One of the only sites I support is EHarmony I'm totally against any search based site that allows the mass messaging of hundreds of people in one day.
For me to ever take OLD serious the male to female ratio would have to be controlled, and no mass messaging of hundreds of women in one day would be allowed.

The max number of messages per day that can be sent should be around 5 or so, whether you're a paying member or not. This would force men to have to use a totally different strategy and copy pasta spam email wouldn't really work.

On a side note OKCupid is another site being sued now.

OkCupid Sued For Having 'Dead' Profiles | TMZ.com
So does eHarmony limit the number of messages you can send in a day or does it use another system to control the number of messages being sent by users?
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Old 06-04-2017, 02:29 PM
 
Location: The point of no return, er, NorCal
7,400 posts, read 6,350,679 times
Reputation: 9636
Quote:
Originally Posted by subPrimeTime View Post
I think what she (Mir) means is that because of online dating's presence, people are less inclined to approach in public, meet through friends, etc.
How are people less inclined to do that simply because dating sites exist? Plenty of people use it alongside meeting people other ways.

Quote:
If it were completely eliminated, we might go back to the way it was....but I doubt it.
And some of us have no interest in the way it used to be. That's one less medium that is actually useful or effective for many people. This sentiment can also be applied to just about anything pre-information age. The way things used to be before the internet. The internet, various forms of social media, provides many people access and opportunity to meet other people outside our immediate circle. Different people, people we wouldn't normally cross paths with, even if they lived in the same city. It widens people's dating pool, which can be a good thing, for a number of reasons.

I met all of my past partners, first husband, now-husband, via the internet. This medium suits me, and the way I like to interact and connect with people.

Quote:
She's looking at it from a woman's perspective of course,
As am I.

Quote:
in that men are complacent because they can rely on OLD.
Is that complacency or just their particular preference? What if they have no interest in cold approach or other methods for meeting people? What if their day-to-day activities don't place them among other available single women they'd be interested in? What if they don't get out much, or they just prefer the laid back, no pressure way of making connections and interacting with possible interests?

None of this implies complacency. My husband went out with women he met at school, work and through friends, and yet he still preferred dating sites, specifically OKCupid. It yielded the best matches.

Quote:
This is somewhat true for me. I know that since I have my Match account as a back-up, I'm less motivated to randomly approach women at a bar. In fact, I'm less motivated to even go to a bar.
I mean, yeah, if those were your usual methods for meeting women, but that doesn't apply to all other men. My husband doesn't cold approach, or drink, so bars wouldn't be his thing even if dating sites didn't exist. He also wouldn't start approaching women, either. And I'm not a woman who was receptive to the cold approach, either.

Quote:
She's mostly just venting it seems. Like, for now OLD hasn't worked in her favor, but the moment it does, she'll be thanking the gods for its creation.
And it's still sour grapes. It may not be for her, but it works fine for others. It's just a tool. If it doesn't work, or doesn't yield good results for one's location, try a different medium.
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Old 06-04-2017, 02:47 PM
 
5,722 posts, read 5,786,399 times
Reputation: 4381
Quote:
Originally Posted by mnnc View Post
So does eHarmony limit the number of messages you can send in a day or does it use another system to control the number of messages being sent by users?
You can only contact people if you're a subscriber and on top of that, only people that you're matched with there's no searching whatsoever. It's low volume messaging if you're only matched up with 5 new woman in a day, then you're only going to be attempting to contact 5 new women at most.

I only check it like once a week and I have a rotation of settings I use. Sometimes I let it match me up with women all over the U.S., sometimes areas near me (this dries up fast), and sometimes I have a list of specific countries that I use.

Honestly the less people that use it the better all of the pervs, serial daters, and various other wierdos can stick to the free sites and teenie phone apps... I surely hope they do.
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Old 06-04-2017, 02:52 PM
 
7,019 posts, read 3,725,855 times
Reputation: 3256
The paid sites seems like scams because you get fake messages. One paid site i decided to use last year would send me notifications about new messages and once I logged on to read the message there were zero messages in my inbox. So the free sites like POF and OKCupid led to more dates than the sites I actually paid a membership for which made no sense.
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Old 06-04-2017, 02:57 PM
 
7,019 posts, read 3,725,855 times
Reputation: 3256
As a man I only received messages when I sent messages to women after reading their profile. It was extremely rare for me to ever get a message without browsing and contacting a woman on a dating site.
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Old 06-04-2017, 08:03 PM
 
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
5,353 posts, read 5,779,936 times
Reputation: 6561
Quote:
Originally Posted by MNTroy View Post
Would your dating life be improved somehow through the absence of OLD?
Well, lets put it this way, it doesn't help. There's a woman at work I'm interested in and another woman who I met through mutual friends. OLD is such a waste for me at least in this S-town.
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Old 06-04-2017, 08:06 PM
 
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
5,353 posts, read 5,779,936 times
Reputation: 6561
Quote:
Originally Posted by wanderlust76 View Post
Yup only about 10 - 20 pct of men do any good on it and most are in certain metros. In my area if I filter out women with kids and filter out for my physical attraction / body type preference I eliminate at least 75 pct of my matches due to those 2 things alone.

So I'm basically messaging the same women that a hundred other men are messaging. This is why men do the copy pasta / spam. The logic there is if you copy pasta spam email 500 women statistically at least a couple should respond.

Men like us that cherry pick, read profiles, strategically decide who we write to and write a regular letter cannot compete, it's impossible.

One of the only sites I support is EHarmony I'm totally against any search based site that allows the mass messaging of hundreds of people in one day.
For me to ever take OLD serious the male to female ratio would have to be controlled, and no mass messaging of hundreds of women in one day would be allowed.

The max number of messages per day that can be sent should be around 5 or so, whether you're a paying member or not. This would force men to have to use a totally different strategy and copy pasta spam email wouldn't really work.

On a side note OKCupid is another site being sued now.

OkCupid Sued For Having 'Dead' Profiles | TMZ.com
Exactly. Even putting thought into a message does no good. I agree with you about EHarmony. I met someone on there 4 years ago and dated her for a year. I met someone on Match in 2012 and had an intense (good) 3 months. But thats really been it in the 8 years I've been doing this. Its not like I'm a bad looking guy with nothing going for me either. None of it matters.
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Old 06-04-2017, 08:38 PM
 
Location: The point of no return, er, NorCal
7,400 posts, read 6,350,679 times
Reputation: 9636
Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlguy39 View Post
Exactly. Even putting thought into a message does no good. I agree with you about EHarmony. I met someone on there 4 years ago and dated her for a year. I met someone on Match in 2012 and had an intense (good) 3 months. But thats really been it in the 8 years I've been doing this. Its not like I'm a bad looking guy with nothing going for me either. None of it matters.
Aren't you in OK? You had better luck in ATL, right? How is that OLD's fault and not your location? You don't jive well with the locals, the area, the scene, and it's a vastly different culture compared to ATL. That isn't an OLD problem, rather, you may struggle due to your location.

My husband had so few matches when he moved to a different, more conservative "city," which did not suit him in any sense at all, and later moved. He didn't get any real matches. He dated one woman for a period of time, but even she wasn't the best, or a "real" match.

Then he moved back to a metro area and had better results. His preferred type just aren't in the kind of cities he moved to. Not in high numbers. There are a number of factors and variables that affect one's overall experience.

I remember your profile back when you were in ATL. I figured you did pretty well in those days.
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Old 06-04-2017, 10:12 PM
 
Location: Minnesota
1,067 posts, read 1,190,538 times
Reputation: 1688
Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlguy39 View Post
Well, lets put it this way, it doesn't help. There's a woman at work I'm interested in and another woman who I met through mutual friends. OLD is such a waste for me at least in this S-town.
Fair enough. Pursue those women. Hope it works out for you.
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Old 06-04-2017, 10:22 PM
 
Location: Montana
783 posts, read 847,585 times
Reputation: 1314
Quote:
Originally Posted by mnnc View Post

Question for guys
1. How many messages do you send daily and get no response?
2. Do you usually send short messages?
3. Do you copy/paste and send to as many as possible to see if any respond?
4. Do you read the profiles and try to include something you read about them in your message?

Do any of you notice a difference when using a free site compared to a membership site?

I am not criticizing either side. I think dating sites have their issues and I am hoping users can share their thoughts.

Thanks!
1. I don't count how many messages I send but I get maybe a 2-5% response rate. It makes me wonder if these profiles are real or women just seeing how much attention they get to boost their own egos.

2. Yes because I became disheartened writing 3+ paragraphs and being completely ignored. If women want longer messages they will give me the dignity of responding. Now its 2 sentences max.

3. No. I include something in my short message that lets them know I read their profile.

4. Yes, see #3.
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