Proposing without a ring

[miu]

Originally Posted by Thom Hanks

I've been preparing to propose to my GF, but I also want her to be part of picking out a ring that she likes. She's not big on the idea of having a diamond, and probably would prefer something like a sapphire or other more meaningful stone. That's why I'd like to pick something out with her.

What are some thoughts on proposing without a ring? Is it tacky to not have anything during the proposal in this modern day and age? Would it be more ideal to use a cheap substitute until you pick out a ring together? Or is it better to pick something out that you think and hope she'll like?

It's fine to propose without a ring. Too much has been made of the man proposing to his lady and giving her the ring at the same time. Some of those situations involve elaborate and creative strategies of hiding the ring in her dessert etc... And that's all fine if the ring is some heirloom. And maybe it's the guys feeling that by presenting the ring at the same time as the proposal, the woman will be more likely to accept his proposal because she wants that ring so much.

Anyway, IMO the woman should be part of the ring selection process. After all, there are many styles of rings and not every ring looks good on every woman's hand. So what the man should do, is figure out how much he wants to spend. Then visit several jewelry stores in the area. Tell the stores your budget and you look at the rings first. Finally, when you do go ring shopping, make an appointment with each store. When you visit with your fiance, they should only show you a tray of rings in your budget range. There should be no price tags showing on the rings. Then let your fiance pick out the ring she likes best.

Personally, I like estate jewelry aka secondhand jewelry the best. It's usually the best value. And the older workmanship is better than what is made today. Most antique shows have a couple of fine jewelry dealers set up. I've also done okay buying used jewelry on eBay.

[miu]

Also, if you do buy a ring ahead of time, ask the store what their return or exchange policy is.

So I have told these stories on C-D before, but here they are again.

1. My aunt told me this one about her parents in Ohio. Her dad proposed without a ring. They go ring shopping and her mom didn't want to spend too much on her ring. So she picked out a diamond ring with the smallest stone in it. Her dad didn't protest, and I've seen the ring. The diamond is like a chip. In our opinion, he should have insisted that she have a ring with a larger stone, like a 1/4 carat. It's not like they were poor.

2. The actor Kevin Bacon proposed to Kyra with a ring. In the middle of the night, she woke him up to ask him if it would be okay to get another ring. She really hated the ring he picked out for her.

3. Otherwise, I picked out my own engagement ring. It was in an antique shop for over a year. 14K white gold, 3/4 carat diamond in a low mount. Great sparkle. But a very small ring size. It was marked $1100. I think that no one bought it because it was so small, like a pinky ring. Finally, the dealer said that she'd sell it for $900. It cost us $325 to make a new shank to fit my ring finger. Since then, I've been by other dealers that it's a $2500 ring. The most important thing is that it looks great on my hand. I hate diamond rings where the center stone is elevated.

[old_cold]

If you're determined that the proposal should include the presentation of a ring, go to Walmart and for about $20 you can pick out something that will look great....for at least two weeks. LOL
Then go shopping together.

[Butterflyfish]

My husband had similar fears about choosing the right ring, so he proposed without a ring and we went ring shopping shortly afterwards. I appreciate the fact that he wanted me to select a ring that I love. I did and I do.

However, frankly ring shopping with him was awkward for me, because I was afraid to choose something outside of his comfort level, but I wasn't sure what that was. I'm not into jewelry and don't really wear rings, so my first selections were very small and he acted offended, like "Oh puh-leeze! Come on!"

He kept telling me that there was "no budget" which, of course is a lie, because he isn't a billionaire, although he does very well for himself. I finally chose a modestly priced ring that is about a day's earnings for him and I really love it. But ideally, I would have preferred that he had picked it out, or least given me a a range for what he was expecting to spend. It wasn't a romantic experience.

Anyway, all's well that ends well and we are both happy even if it wasn't the most romantic moment of our engagement.

[Sonic_Spork]

I'd be like: "DO NOT GO TO JARED. REPEAT, DO NOT GO TO JARED. PUT YOUR WALLET IN YOUR PANTS AND BACK AWAY SLOWLY."

Originally Posted by WyoNewk

I proposed to my wife with a spoon. Romantic, eh?

We'd had a nice day in the mountains doing a commercial photo shoot, and to end the day we went to a small mountain town with a nice restaurant. We were seated outside on the deck, tall pines all around us, deer on the lawn. Everything was perfect, except I didn't have a ring to offer. I took a spoon off the table, and in my lap (out of sight) I secretly bent the handle into a circle until I could feel it fit my pinky finger about right. I got up from my chair, knelt next to her, took her left hand in mine and popped the question while sliding the bent spoon over her finger.

She still has it, of course, although we went together and picked out a nice ring at the jewelry store a few days later.

So I'm a thief, my wife is a receiver stolen goods, and the restaurant closed its doors a couple years later, probably because it had to buy another spoon.

I love this story, but I think it would have been even better if you'd taken the spoon and had it cut so that it was a spoon ring. Those are a thing, yanno? There is a story I once read that Jim Morrison was in a diner with a gal, and a kid was selling spoon rings from a box, and he (Jim) bought like all of them. The woman still has them.

I like things with stories, and I don't like being "just like everybody else...only better!" so the big, shiny diamond would be a no-go for me. I don't even like gold jewelry, and I really don't care for diamonds. What I do like are heirloom pieces with stories attached, and artisan silver pieces of jewelry (especially heavy silver pieces with elaborate filigree.) I have a silver ring that covers my whole upper finger with flowers, leaves, and branches, my Mom gave it to me, and it is lovely. And unique! That is what I like. A piece of art, not a mass produced and overpriced shiny rock from a big box store.

About the only way I'd be ok with such a ring, gold and diamonds and all, is if it had been passed down through his family. Heirlooms are the exception.

Also, experiences mean a lot more to me than things. The setting and manner in which he proposed would be more significant than the ring. Give me a story to tell for the rest of my days and I'll be a happy woman. I can imagine us being at Comic Con and him getting some sci fi actor we both really like to say something during one of their talks, that would be his style. Or if we were away on a romantic getaway alone somewhere cool.

Two months' salary sounds crazy to me. You could take a heck of a vacation with that money instead. I would rather have the vacation. I wouldn't mind an engagement or wedding ring found at some obscure antique dealer and costing under $100, if it fit my taste. Guess it's a good thing I prefer silver!

[Inacitysomewhere]

Personally, I would love it. I would love the chance to design something together.
What might be cute is to give her a ring box with a note inside with your intention.

I know I am not 'girly' though like a lot of girls so I can't speak for her.