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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CBeisbol
Nope. You almost certainly cannot know a person after one date
But, people can decide after one date whether or not they want a second date
It is what it is.
Yup, as a guy, I know if there is potential for something real in 10-20 minutes or less. If it isn't there, it isn't there. They may be good looking, smart, fun, nice... not enough.
I know if there is potential for something real in 10-20 minutes or less.
I don't believe anyone when they say this.
As I said earlier,
Quote:
Originally Posted by CBeisbol
I've known plenty of people (men and women) who I didn't connect with on any level until as much as some years later.
I find it hard to believe that I'm exceptionally different than most people when it comes to relationships, so, I assume that what holds true for me holds true for others as well.
When a lot of people say this, and swear by it, it's just survivor bias.
When people say they can eliminate someone after one date (or 20 minutes, or whatever) they can never know if they are wrong because those people (some of whom may be as good of matches as some who were selected - but later dropped) have already been eliminated.
I find it hard to believe that I'm exceptionally different than most people when it comes to relationships, so, I assume that what holds true for me holds true for others as well.
When a lot of people say this, and swear by it, it's just survivor bias.
LOL if "a lot of people" had agreed with and "sworn by" your point, however, you would not have been so quick to dismiss it, I take it?
Does anyone understand some women, because i dont. I went on a date with a woman i met from online dating site. SHe seemed nice so we met at a restaurant, i paid for her meal. So when we met, she seemed to give off this energy that was a little negative, but as we talked more she seemed pretty cool. I asked her questions and she answered them well, i asked her if this whole thing is ok and she said yes it is. i was kind of looking the other way as if i could not think of much to say, but as time went on i started opening up. She started to seem cool as time went on, i asked her basic things and she seemed like she was not giving off bad vibes. but here is the thing, at the end of the date, she gave off this energy that was distant\negative. she said she has to go, i said ok see you. I texted her, and she said that she felt no chemistry and she did not want to go further and wishes me well, but it made no sense at all to me because she does not know me. she fails to see who i am and what i can do, it makes me think that she is going off of looks. i dont get it
expecting chemistry on the first date with a stranger? I agree that does seem odd. Sorry that happened but sounds like you dodged a bullet
it made no sense at all to me because she does not know me. she fails to see who i am and what i can do, it makes me think that she is going off of looks. i dont get it
She is not obligated to get to know you further before making a decision. It doesn't sound at all like you hit it off, the way you described your date. When there is a connection and chemistry, you aren't looking away because youre struggling to make convesation, nor is your interaction a series of questions. It sounded really awkward, IMO.
LOL if "a lot of people" had agreed with and "sworn by" your point, however, you would not have been so quick to dismiss it, I take it?
Whether or not I dismiss a point has little (wish I could say "nothing" but we all have our biases) to do with how many people agree with it.
Survivor bias is a real thing, though. And people are bad at realizing how it may impact their choices.
Take an example of someone who believes they are good at picking cantaloupes. They weed out a number of cantaloupes and pick some others. Of the ones they pick, some are great, some are ok, and a few are bad. But, they don't know about the ones they weeded out - they never examine those. Some of those weeded out are probably bad, some are probably ok, and a few are probably good. Of course, they can tell ones that are obviously bad, but they'll also weed out some good ones.
Whether or not I dismiss a point has little (wish I could say "nothing" but we all have our biases) to do with how many people agree with it.
It does because, in fact you are just doing this:
Quote:
Originally Posted by CBeisbol
... weed out a number of cantaloupes and pick some others. Of the ones they pick, some are great, some are ok, and a few are bad. But, they don't know about the ones they weeded out - they never examine those. Some of those weeded out are probably bad, some are probably ok, and a few are probably good. Of course, they can tell ones that are obviously bad, but they'll also weed out some good ones.
I find it hard to believe that I'm exceptionally different than most people when it comes to relationships, so, I assume that what holds true for me holds true for others as well.
When a lot of people say this, and swear by it, it's just survivor bias.
When people say they can eliminate someone after one date (or 20 minutes, or whatever) they can never know if they are wrong because those people (some of whom may be as good of matches as some who were selected - but later dropped) have already been eliminated.
Yes it is survivorship bias, or selection bias. I get to be biased. Your date gets to be biased. No one owes you 2 or 7 dates to get to know you until you think they have the whole picture.
You may have said something that really turned her off, she just didn't react in a way that warranted an explanation. I've been polite to someone who did or said things that to me were red flags.
The last one caught me off guard and ended the date by going into detailed conspiracy theories about the Obamas, I didnt agree or disagree. I didn't give him a chance to elaborate on a second date, it's just all I needed to form an impression.
Yes it is survivorship bias, or selection bias. I get to be biased. Your date gets to be biased. No one owes you 2 or 7 dates to get to know you until you think they have the whole picture.
I haven't said otherwise.
In fact, I said exactly this.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CBeisbol
Nope. You almost certainly cannot know a person after one date
But, people can decide after one date whether or not they want a second date
It is what it is.
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