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My 30-year-old daughter got married last month. We'd kind of worried whether she'd find someone.
But she and I had a discussion about how she changed her behavior after some discussions I'd had with her earlier about the nature of men.
"You said something to me, Pop, that made me realize that if I were ready for marriage, I needed to look for men who were ready for marriage."
And that is true, and there are some hard facets that some women don't understand.
Granted, I'm going to generalize here. There are always exceptions, but only gamblers bet their entire fortunes on an exception.
If a woman is ready to get married and the man she's with is not, she needs to look further. That's the basic advice.
She is probably wasting her time waiting for him to get ready, because right now she's his "not ready for marriage relationship." When he does get ready, he'll reopen the entire field for a "ready for marriage relationship," and she'll have to audition for that role along with everyone else.
If a man is ready for marriage, it won't take him long to decide whether you're it. No more than a few dates to determine if you're high in the running and no more than two or three months to decide on you. If he's stringing it out longer than that, either he's not really ready or he doesn't know how to cut it off.
I don't think having a 12 month engagement is a bad thing. There's divorces from people who knew each other 3 months and were married, just like there's divorces of people who knew each other for years and got married. It's different strokes for different folks. My motto is, you need to spend a full year of holidays together. There's a good chance you'll learn more about each other, each other's family members, as well as, each other's friend circles. If you're a one and done marriage person, there's nothing wrong with marrying quick or slow, but statistically the longer the wait the longer the marriage. Mainly due to having relationships that end, instead of ending as divorces.
I have to agree with you. I know several couples who have been engaged for like 10 years. It makes me wonder.
When I met my husband, we established that both of us are marriage and family minded. If neither of us wanted that then there was no use in dating. After a year of dating we started talking about US getting married. I was only 24 at the time so really wasn't in a rush. In less than 2 yrs we were engaged and 2 yrs after that we were married (we were saving money to pay for the wedding).
I don't think having a 12 month engagement is a bad thing. There's divorces from people who knew each other 3 months and were married, just like there's divorces of people who knew each other for years and got married. It's different strokes for different folks. My motto is, you need to spend a full year of holidays together. There's a good chance you'll learn more about each other, each other's family members, as well as, each other's friend circles. If you're a one and done marriage person, there's nothing wrong with marrying quick or slow, but statistically the longer the wait the longer the marriage. Mainly due to having relationships that end, instead of ending as divorces.
Sure. If you're actually doing something specific--like getting to know each other's families--that's a reason for delay.
In my daughter's case, they had decided they were ready to get married (and her mother and I agreed), but they delayed making an engagement announcement until we had had a chance to meet his parents (we loved them, btw). That goes into he "planning and logistics" that I mentioned.
I don't think statistics support "the longer the wait, the longer the marriage," unless "the wait" is actually being spent doing specific things to get the marriage going.
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