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I dont understand what is going on, I dont know what I should do or how to do it
Me and her work in the same company not same department not working together, I am kind aloof person, she is pretty more sociable and She has a boyfriend, it started when we talked couple of times, I grew feelings for her intensely and in no time, don't know if she knows it or not but I found that she initiates conversations with me almost daily for hours expressing once that she feels like she knew me long time ago, insisting to know what may bother me asking me not to lie to her, sending gestures that she knows, showing interest. she started asking me if I am in relationship and if I have a girlfriend concerning about my emotional life. After just one week from starting talking together She told me that I look like I am in love and she knows who i am in love with and when i accused her with bluffing she assured me that she knows and when I asked her how she said that because she is smart and that my eyes tell so. Although nothing bond us professionally, we even in two different offices and yet we have come through this time when she pass by my office almost everyday at the morning to see me and say "Bonjour" with that sweet smile of her and i catch her sometimes giving me fleeting glances and she came and stayed with me at my office couple of times, and most of the rest of the day she is online chatting with me.
But when I confront her with what she does she show disappointment in me and how I see it but she still around and she call it FRIENDSHIP. I was taken by her attention and concern and the time she spent with me I asked her couple of times if she loves her boyfriend and she said yes. I tried to deal with her as a friend but I could not every day passes and I see her I have more feeling for her, I hopelessly pushed myself and tried to stop this telling her we can not be friends and surprisingly she insisted to know why I cant talk to her after she saw me talking to other ladies which I found her sort of clingy, sometimes I felt like she wants me to confess my feelings for her. after few days while we were talking she asked me where is my gym when i asked her why she said so she can wait for me after I finish my working out - although she never did - and another day She asked me what I would do when she leaves (because she was planing to leave the firm), and every few days she come up with such kind of unusual flattery things that she may say or do. sometimes I feel like she doesn't want me to go by asking me if she get me bored when I try to leave her and do something else, people started to notice that may be something is going on between the two of us I started to get comments like "if we didnt know that she already has boyfriend, we would say that the 2 of you are in relationship" and my manager made fun of it once telling me " it looks like that she will get rid of that other guy and get stuck to you", I tried again to express discomfort to her and may be push her away by asking her if she doesn't care if her man know about this, she responded that there is nothing he would be told about!!! only she sees something else and I dont know how she sees it. I once made up a problem with her by asking her not to come to my office and told her if she did that again I will never talk to her again and she should forget anything between us (Honestly I don’t know what it is between us but thats the way I put it). Anyways she didnt come for couple of days but still texting and then she broke the rule, I show her that I am upset, she kept apologizing trying to make it up to me by texting then wait for a while and then call me and wait for a while and then showing up in front of me and she kept repeating this for almost 4 hours may be more, on that day I didnt sort it out with her and went home and on the next day she saw me when I just reached the company walking in the corridor she called me to wait, I ignored her heading to my office, my phone on my desk is ringing she followed me to my office standing at my desk waiting, I answered the phone and she waited till I finished and then she asked me again if I am still upset "sigh" ,For God Sake Sometimes when we argue she mimic my word and tell me see we said the same word at the same time as if she somehow implements this deep connection. She told me that I matter to her and she said that she tolerates my rudeness (sometimes when I have my moments) like no other distinguishing me from others.
After 4 months with her I have reached my emotional peak I got doubts about her love to her boyfriend may be subconsciously can not believe that it is just a coincidence that the girl I have these deep feelings for is paying that much attention to me with such a kind of what she is doing or saying that if I may describe it with at least unusual. So I told her how much I love her, although I asked her to go out to tell her that face to face she said she can not, mentioning that why I can not say it right here texting since we usually chat and she is proceeding telling me that when I see her I can not say a word. So I told her how feel on Messenger illustratively, I did not get response from her She said she did not know what to say and that she is surprised when I asked her if she did not know she denied her knowledge which she assured couple of months ago denying even having a guess which left me very confused almost on the edge of losing my mind doubting my own senses trying to believe her as i didn't know why she would do that, she doesn't need to do that, then she asked me did not you want to go out with me lets have a walk together instead. The next day asked me what i would do if she doesn't have a boyfriend which raise my hopes really high, but I found her telling me that we all men change after we get the girl that we want like we don't pay much attention to her as usual and getting into an argument I don't get the point of it. Days later after that her responses fluctuated from changing the subject then she blamed me for it, to "may be" then she showed helplessness by not knowing what to do for me and every time i think that this is the end of it but somehow we get back together and start again the endless loop of me having hope every time she came back reestablishing a communication while I wonder if she loves him why she did not shut me down out of respect at least to the man she loves and here again she is letting me down and the next day is new day and here she is saying "Bonjour" to start a conversation while I was waiting hoping that she does so.
Me having difficulty to understand if she loves her boyfriend how come she did not shut me down by now I asked her not leave me and that I cannot live without her thinking that maybe she is confused and want to know if I am serious about her or just playing with her. I remember that once she told me there is no use of what you are saying, it’s impossible then I left the chat I found her sending me offline messages “where did you go” “did I say something wrong”. And next day comes she usually starts the conversation and here we go again sometimes I feel like nothing happened as if she is taking things too easy. When I did not get what I was hoping for and while our ambiguous kind of relationship kept on, I seized a chance that she took few days off for medical reason and didn't contact her, she came back blaming me that I didn't ask about her while everyone else did, she makes it very difficult for me to cut her off, and nothing of what happened bothers her enough to do so. lately after I told her how I feel for her our relation was almost as usual I am still trying to tell her how I love her, texting, flirting, torturing myself hoping that she may understand as long as she is letting me I will try, although Some days she started to get excuses to touch me like holding my arm or push me in the chest while she was talking to me she even may block my way while I was passing and Once we were not talking she came in where i was and came too close to me narrowing me between her and the shelves that were behind me to get something from there - again not knowing if its me seeing things this way or she actually mean it - and that was after she had technically rejected me at the same time she made me feel horribly guilty for telling her that I love while I should not which led me to apologize letting this process of confessing and feeling guilty and apologizing to reoccur over and over for 2 weeks which I didnt notice till now because I was totally focused on her, Its was like to be torn apart and put back together, over and over, but she still there coming the next day talking keeping communication while i dont know why. as if she would accept more to flirt with her and show her how i find her pretty or say something that imply that I love her rather than telling her "I love you" as she told me once she knows but I don't have to tell her..
2 weeks ago we had this argument, it was not our only or first but was the most fraught intense one, I was at least implicit insulting to her and her boyfriend, but it was torturing to do this to her I was torn apart between my overwhelmed feelings to be with her and totally exhausted drained by pain and pursuing. What I told her was completely opposite to what I feel for her, what I told her, hurt me much more than it did to her. But unexpectedly she kept arguing on and on –while we were arguing I started thinking even if I am the insane one who see things wrong that radically conflict with her version of reality, why she still here, I think no “normal” girl would tolerate - criticizing her what she is doing or saying and telling her what should have done and she should not have done and other things like that - that kind of talking from someone she just having a causal relationship with or even friendship that didn’t last more than 4 months at most or even from someone she doesn’t care about being in her life or not. But our argument made me feel like we are actually in a relationship because she is still there justifying her what her behavior and how she sees things and subconsciously I don’t know why the bother - of course she got mad at me and get defensive for herself and her man and she called me on the phone shouting telling me how could I talk to her and about her fiancé like this and I told her to lower her voice but she didn’t so I HUNG UP the phone on her while she is talking, she texted me immediately “how could you hang up the phone on me ?” she said, describing me as rude, disrespectful, impolite … etc, and then I felt like she is back again pacifying and calming things down turning on the cute phase of her by saying something, I don’t remember her exact words but which means ”things should not be heated up like that just because we have different points of view. But wonderfully she kept me available to contact she didn’t block me or remove me from her contacts list but she didn’t contact me either...
03 days ago after our last argument when I had hung up the phone on her surprisingly I found her texting me telling me that she knows that she should not talk to me but she wanted to ask me how I am doing and replied I am fine thank you, then she said that she is going to do something and will get back to me and I said ok, but she didn’t come back. But kept coming and going in front of me as if she want me to notice her.
Yesterday she called me at my office and I found myself tell her while I am hardly breathing that I can’t stay in this relationship with you
Her: why
Me: are you asking why!!!
Her: yes tell me
Me: So you don’t know why!!!
Her: No I don’t
I barely can talk with hurricane of words and questions in my head telling her: If at this point you still don’t know why there is no good of telling you
Her: why don’t you want to tell me, am I asking something wrong?
Me Feeling like she wanted to hear it telling her screaming: BECAUSE I LOVED YOU, ISN'T THAT WHAT YOU WANT HEAR?
Her changing the subject: my inbox got a problem I don’t know what’s wrong with my email
Me on the edge of losing my mind: are you insane? What are talking about?
Her: why we can’t be together, some people can’t be married but they still can be together Me trying to avoid any misunderstanding of extramarital affair which is implied and I have never had the intention for it, told her directing the conversation: you mean as friends?
She agreeably : yes
Me: I can’t do that
Her: you give me good opinions about things how to deal with people and how should I react with others, why can’t we?
Me having no clue what’s going on or why the persistence: I can’t
Her: what do you want me to do?
Me can’t take this anymore and don’t want to hang up on her again: nothing nothing
Her: so you either get what you want the way you want it or leave it with its good and bad
Me: yes, that the way I am
Her: but that’s wrong
Me: I can’t do anything else, I am tired I am tired I can’t
Her: ok as you like, but I want to tell you one last thing
Me: what Her: even if I did not have a boyfriend, we would not fit each other
Me: speechless not breathing doesn’t know what to say, paralyzed and devastatingly shocked
She proceeded: did I say anything wrong
Me: no
Her: bye
Me: bye
I was not ready for it, leaving me wondering what all this was about. If she sees that we don’t fit for each other, why she waited till now till I cut her out to tell me, why she didnt do anything ?, how come I did all the work how come I felt like I matter to her but at the same time disposable, I have always seen these 2 feelings opposites
I didn’t do anything mean to her like exposing her to her man, I wanted to earn her love, though it was urging to prove to myself that she was wrong and it was not friendship as she was saying and gain back my senses which she truly messed up by keep saying its nothing, or maybe by telling him I would make more fun and humiliation out of myself if he said it’s nothing as well which it’s something I think at this point since I lost everything already I can endure.
would you please tell me why she let me do this to myself ? why she made apologize for loving her over and over ? why she didn't want to let me go ? its devastating pain
I dont understand what is going on, I dont know what I should do or how to do it
Me and her work in the same company not same department not working together, I am kind aloof person, she is pretty more sociable and She has a boyfriend, it started when we talked couple of times, I grew feelings for her intensely and in no time, don't know if she knows it or not but I found that she initiates conversations with me almost daily for hours expressing once that she feels like she knew me long time ago, insisting to know what may bother me asking me not to lie to her, sending gestures that she knows, showing interest. she started asking me if I am in relationship and if I have a girlfriend concerning about my emotional life. After just one week from starting talking together She told me that I look like I am in love and she knows who i am in love with and when i accused her with bluffing she assured me that she knows and when I asked her how she said that because she is smart and that my eyes tell so. Although nothing bond us professionally, we even in two different offices and yet we have come through this time when she pass by my office almost everyday at the morning to see me and say "Bonjour" with that sweet smile of her and i catch her sometimes giving me fleeting glances and she came and stayed with me at my office couple of times, and most of the rest of the day she is online chatting with me.
But when I confront her with what she does she show disappointment in me and how I see it but she still around and she call it FRIENDSHIP. I was taken by her attention and concern and the time she spent with me I asked her couple of times if she loves her boyfriend and she said yes. I tried to deal with her as a friend but I could not every day passes and I see her I have more feeling for her, I hopelessly pushed myself and tried to stop this telling her we can not be friends and surprisingly she insisted to know why I cant talk to her after she saw me talking to other ladies which I found her sort of clingy, sometimes I felt like she wants me to confess my feelings for her. after few days while we were talking she asked me where is my gym when i asked her why she said so she can wait for me after I finish my working out - although she never did - and another day She asked me what I would do when she leaves (because she was planing to leave the firm), and every few days she come up with such kind of unusual flattery things that she may say or do. sometimes I feel like she doesn't want me to go by asking me if she get me bored when I try to leave her and do something else, people started to notice that may be something is going on between the two of us I started to get comments like "if we didnt know that she already has boyfriend, we would say that the 2 of you are in relationship" and my manager made fun of it once telling me " it looks like that she will get rid of that other guy and get stuck to you", I tried again to express discomfort to her and may be push her away by asking her if she doesn't care if her man know about this, she responded that there is nothing he would be told about!!! only she sees something else and I dont know how she sees it. I once made up a problem with her by asking her not to come to my office and told her if she did that again I will never talk to her again and she should forget anything between us (Honestly I don’t know what it is between us but thats the way I put it). Anyways she didnt come for couple of days but still texting and then she broke the rule, I show her that I am upset, she kept apologizing trying to make it up to me by texting then wait for a while and then call me and wait for a while and then showing up in front of me and she kept repeating this for almost 4 hours may be more, on that day I didnt sort it out with her and went home and on the next day she saw me when I just reached the company walking in the corridor she called me to wait, I ignored her heading to my office, my phone on my desk is ringing she followed me to my office standing at my desk waiting, I answered the phone and she waited till I finished and then she asked me again if I am still upset "sigh" ,For God Sake Sometimes when we argue she mimic my word and tell me see we said the same word at the same time as if she somehow implements this deep connection. She told me that I matter to her and she said that she tolerates my rudeness (sometimes when I have my moments) like no other distinguishing me from others.
After 4 months with her I have reached my emotional peak I got doubts about her love to her boyfriend may be subconsciously can not believe that it is just a coincidence that the girl I have these deep feelings for is paying that much attention to me with such a kind of what she is doing or saying that if I may describe it with at least unusual. So I told her how much I love her, although I asked her to go out to tell her that face to face she said she can not, mentioning that why I can not say it right here texting since we usually chat and she is proceeding telling me that when I see her I can not say a word. So I told her how feel on Messenger illustratively, I did not get response from her She said she did not know what to say and that she is surprised when I asked her if she did not know she denied her knowledge which she assured couple of months ago denying even having a guess which left me very confused almost on the edge of losing my mind doubting my own senses trying to believe her as i didn't know why she would do that, she doesn't need to do that, then she asked me did not you want to go out with me lets have a walk together instead. The next day asked me what i would do if she doesn't have a boyfriend which raise my hopes really high, but I found her telling me that we all men change after we get the girl that we want like we don't pay much attention to her as usual and getting into an argument I don't get the point of it. Days later after that her responses fluctuated from changing the subject then she blamed me for it, to "may be" then she showed helplessness by not knowing what to do for me and every time i think that this is the end of it but somehow we get back together and start again the endless loop of me having hope every time she came back reestablishing a communication while I wonder if she loves him why she did not shut me down out of respect at least to the man she loves and here again she is letting me down and the next day is new day and here she is saying "Bonjour" to start a conversation while I was waiting hoping that she does so.
Me having difficulty to understand if she loves her boyfriend how come she did not shut me down by now I asked her not leave me and that I cannot live without her thinking that maybe she is confused and want to know if I am serious about her or just playing with her. I remember that once she told me there is no use of what you are saying, it’s impossible then I left the chat I found her sending me offline messages “where did you go” “did I say something wrong”. And next day comes she usually starts the conversation and here we go again sometimes I feel like nothing happened as if she is taking things too easy. When I did not get what I was hoping for and while our ambiguous kind of relationship kept on, I seized a chance that she took few days off for medical reason and didn't contact her, she came back blaming me that I didn't ask about her while everyone else did, she makes it very difficult for me to cut her off, and nothing of what happened bothers her enough to do so. lately after I told her how I feel for her our relation was almost as usual I am still trying to tell her how I love her, texting, flirting, torturing myself hoping that she may understand as long as she is letting me I will try, although Some days she started to get excuses to touch me like holding my arm or push me in the chest while she was talking to me she even may block my way while I was passing and Once we were not talking she came in where i was and came too close to me narrowing me between her and the shelves that were behind me to get something from there - again not knowing if its me seeing things this way or she actually mean it - and that was after she had technically rejected me at the same time she made me feel horribly guilty for telling her that I love while I should not which led me to apologize letting this process of confessing and feeling guilty and apologizing to reoccur over and over for 2 weeks which I didnt notice till now because I was totally focused on her, Its was like to be torn apart and put back together, over and over, but she still there coming the next day talking keeping communication while i dont know why. as if she would accept more to flirt with her and show her how i find her pretty or say something that imply that I love her rather than telling her "I love you" as she told me once she knows but I don't have to tell her..
2 weeks ago we had this argument, it was not our only or first but was the most fraught intense one, I was at least implicit insulting to her and her boyfriend, but it was torturing to do this to her I was torn apart between my overwhelmed feelings to be with her and totally exhausted drained by pain and pursuing. What I told her was completely opposite to what I feel for her, what I told her, hurt me much more than it did to her. But unexpectedly she kept arguing on and on –while we were arguing I started thinking even if I am the insane one who see things wrong that radically conflict with her version of reality, why she still here, I think no “normal” girl would tolerate - criticizing her what she is doing or saying and telling her what should have done and she should not have done and other things like that - that kind of talking from someone she just having a causal relationship with or even friendship that didn’t last more than 4 months at most or even from someone she doesn’t care about being in her life or not. But our argument made me feel like we are actually in a relationship because she is still there justifying her what her behavior and how she sees things and subconsciously I don’t know why the bother - of course she got mad at me and get defensive for herself and her man and she called me on the phone shouting telling me how could I talk to her and about her fiancé like this and I told her to lower her voice but she didn’t so I HUNG UP the phone on her while she is talking, she texted me immediately “how could you hang up the phone on me ?” she said, describing me as rude, disrespectful, impolite … etc, and then I felt like she is back again pacifying and calming things down turning on the cute phase of her by saying something, I don’t remember her exact words but which means ”things should not be heated up like that just because we have different points of view. But wonderfully she kept me available to contact she didn’t block me or remove me from her contacts list but she didn’t contact me either...
03 days ago after our last argument when I had hung up the phone on her surprisingly I found her texting me telling me that she knows that she should not talk to me but she wanted to ask me how I am doing and replied I am fine thank you, then she said that she is going to do something and will get back to me and I said ok, but she didn’t come back. But kept coming and going in front of me as if she want me to notice her.
Yesterday she called me at my office and I found myself tell her while I am hardly breathing that I can’t stay in this relationship with you
Her: why
Me: are you asking why!!!
Her: yes tell me
Me: So you don’t know why!!!
Her: No I don’t
I barely can talk with hurricane of words and questions in my head telling her: If at this point you still don’t know why there is no good of telling you
Her: why don’t you want to tell me, am I asking something wrong?
Me Feeling like she wanted to hear it telling her screaming: BECAUSE I LOVED YOU, ISN'T THAT WHAT YOU WANT HEAR?
Her changing the subject: my inbox got a problem I don’t know what’s wrong with my email
Me on the edge of losing my mind: are you insane? What are talking about?
Her: why we can’t be together, some people can’t be married but they still can be together Me trying to avoid any misunderstanding of extramarital affair which is implied and I have never had the intention for it, told her directing the conversation: you mean as friends?
She agreeably : yes
Me: I can’t do that
Her: you give me good opinions about things how to deal with people and how should I react with others, why can’t we?
Me having no clue what’s going on or why the persistence: I can’t
Her: what do you want me to do?
Me can’t take this anymore and don’t want to hang up on her again: nothing nothing
Her: so you either get what you want the way you want it or leave it with its good and bad
Me: yes, that the way I am
Her: but that’s wrong
Me: I can’t do anything else, I am tired I am tired I can’t
Her: ok as you like, but I want to tell you one last thing
Me: what Her: even if I did not have a boyfriend, we would not fit each other
Me: speechless not breathing doesn’t know what to say, paralyzed and devastatingly shocked
She proceeded: did I say anything wrong
Me: no
Her: bye
Me: bye
I was not ready for it, leaving me wondering what all this was about. If she sees that we don’t fit for each other, why she waited till now till I cut her out to tell me, why she didnt do anything ?, how come I did all the work how come I felt like I matter to her but at the same time disposable, I have always seen these 2 feelings opposites
I didn’t do anything mean to her like exposing her to her man, I wanted to earn her love, though it was urging to prove to myself that she was wrong and it was not friendship as she was saying and gain back my senses which she truly messed up by keep saying its nothing, or maybe by telling him I would make more fun and humiliation out of myself if he said it’s nothing as well which it’s something I think at this point since I lost everything already I can endure.
would you please tell me why she let me do this to myself ? why she made apologize for loving her over and over ? why she didn't want to let me go ? its devastating pain
Please help. I'm sorry for the length
I stopped at "and she has a boyfriend". And so should you...
I couldn't read all this nonsense. A few questions and comments though:
How in the heck do you have time at work to have these conversations?
You work at the same company. Even though it's a different department you are apparently around her enough to have these personal conversations. Dating a work peer is a bad idea.
She has a boyfriend.
She has been very clear that she is not interested in you romantically.
This all sounds and seems a bit stalkerish and full of drama on your part.
would you please tell me why she let me do this to myself ? why she made apologize for loving her over and over ? why she didn't want to let me go ? its devastating pain
Please help. I'm sorry for the length
She's a jerk, likes attention, and was just playing with you like a toy.
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,For God Sake Sometimes when we argue she mimic my word and tell me see we said the same word at the same time as if she somehow implements this deep connection. She told me that I matter to her and she said that she tolerates my rudeness (sometimes when I have my moments) like no other distinguishing me from others.
