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TIA
okay so I've been single for 4 years lol I believe.
although I've learned many things I know I have much more to learn so if you have any good advise or books, websites , etc. I'd appreciate it.
I've learned
1. Not all guys want to be your friend.
When a guy knows you're single & he's single too when he asks things to get to know more about you and ask to spend time with you, he most likely into you.
2. Don't say "I LOVE YOU" to someone when it's a caring (love) such as you want them to be happy , healthy, successful that's CONCERN NOT LOVE
3. Don't tell a guy how he feels.
If he doesn't tell you how he feels it's in the small things he does and the way he treats you. Communicate with him don't assume that you know.
4. When a guy gives you a compliment don't just say thank you. If you're interested in him share with him what you find interesting about him.
5. If you're dating someone and they don't call you, don't assume that they're not interested lol people lose/break their phones.
6. You can't go backwards in a relationship so don't move to fast or say things that you can't take back. Get to know the person you're interested in ask them about their values, goals, wants, needs, family, friends, activities and interests. See who they are in different situations.
7. Allow the guy to help you if he offers to, it's his way if showing you that he wants to make you happy. It's not that he doesn't think you can do it and he won't think that you're not "independent enough" if you allow him to be there for you.
8. never hold back and limit my true feeling, thoughts, or likes because i'm afraid. T
I have meet some really amazing men
Good men, with good hearts, financially stable, mentally stable lol and our personalities mess well.
But for some reason I can't commit enough to even move past the dating stage into planning a future.
I'm not sure why I'm so afraid to commit, I trusted all of them to have my best interest at heart.
am i just loving the single life because i married out of high school?
or am I afraid of being hurt?
I am not really experienced in dating but what if I keep throwing away a good guy because I don't know what I have... Please help me, what should I do or can I do differently? I know I don't want to be single but I know I don't want just anyone...
Keep dating lots of different men. One of these days you'll meet someone who stands apart from the others, and there won't be a big question mark about it. You'll know he is not "just anyone". The cream rises to the top. Meanwhile, enjoy the single life and have fun!
Keep dating lots of different men. One of these days you'll meet someone who stands apart from the others, and there won't be a big question mark about it. You'll know he is not "just anyone". The cream rises to the top. Meanwhile, enjoy the single life and have fun!
Thank you for the response. I don't want to be a serial dater but I don't want to settle for someone I can't see a real future with. It's not fair to date someone just to fill time. Sometimes i wonder if i'm asking to much out of someone.
It's not UNfair if you both know you're doing the same thing, enjoying each others' company and having fun.
It sounds like you've been doing a LOT of thinking, and that's good. The only thing I can tell you about "how do you know" is what Butterflyfish said ... you tend to find yourself thinking of that person in times that surprise you. It's beyond infatuation; it's when something happens and your first thought is to share it with him.
When you can't imagine NOT sharing the future with him.
Until then, just keep learning about yourself and what's important to you, and being willing to risk a little for that.
I am 28 and single also OP... I like and get along well with men.... I just don't want one of my own.
( as of yet.) Having too much fun playing the field and doing what I want to do without stepping on someone else's feelings or expectation.
Thank you for the response. I don't want to be a serial dater but I don't want to settle for someone I can't see a real future with. It's not fair to date someone just to fill time. Sometimes i wonder if i'm asking to much out of someone.
If you don't want to date, and you don't want to settle, I guess that means that you want to meet Mr Right without going through a vetting process of dating? Am I understanding you correctly? What I hear you saying is that you want the first man you date to be your one and only. Is that correct? If so, I don't think it's very realistic, though its not completely unheard of. I wouldn't count on it.
What do you have against serial dating if you don't mind me asking?
There is a saying in the vernacular of my people: "Hog bathe in de first water him come to". The metaphor is apt. Somewhere there is a longer folk tale that likely expands on this to illustrate exactly what can happen when you ignore watering hole after watering hole on your journey through life, why the common practice of 'serial dating' can lead to a woman finding herself at age 35 or even much older, completely without even a hint of a romantic connection in her life but just as strong a conviction as ever that marriage and a family are both things she wants very badly. Just not with... 'just anybody'...
Don't know how old the o.p. is. The thread is almost meaningless without that information. "Good men, with good hearts, financially stable, mentally stable lol and our personalities mess (sic) well". Do any of you imagine it gets better than this? All my picky exes that I still know or know about, are still without stable romantic lives. They were older than me by several years at the time we would have been dating. I'm 59. Yeah. It can get to that.
The worst thing that could happen if you married a "good man, with a good heart, that was financially stable, mentally stable, etc." too early might be that you grow apart and split up. Happens to the best of us. And? But breaking his heart, and the next guy like him, and the next? One day you run out of guys. They stop calling. They stop turning around to stare at you when you walk past. If you get so bold as to initiate something you quickly find that they're just not that into you. Where did it go? The o.p. asked.
Commitment means many things to many people. It sounds to me like you may have fenced yourself off by your own definition. When I married the first time, in a church, I got the traditional vows. The second time, in a secular ceremony, what I remember were two words, "kind" and "helpful". That I can do. The rest has fallen into place, as a result.
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The only thing I can tell you about "how do you know" is what Butterflyfish said ... you tend to find yourself thinking of that person in times that surprise you. It's beyond infatuation; it's when something happens and your first thought is to share it with him.
