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I just started recently seeing this girl (2 dates/hang outs). I would say that I do like hanging out with her but I am not sure if it is genuine or if I have just been lonely for so long that I would enjoy hanging out with any girl in this way.
I know its not fair to compare, but my first girlfriend at 18, I felt like we truly "clicked", I loved hanging out with her, I was super attracted to her. I cannot remember if I knew all this from the beginning or if this happened over time (I realize things might be different with your first love)
Anyway, something is just nagging at me. Almost like maybe I am wasting my time and will never love her. Or that maybe there might be a stronger connection out there.
(sorry for this not really being a discussion but just me venting)
No, you understand. It definitely sounds like you are not into her. You know what that feels like and this isn't it. "It" doesn't change because it's your first girlfriend or your last.
You need to be the good guy and let her slip off the hook.
Hmm. There's nothing wrong with dating her if you keep it light and try not to lead her on. Who knows? Something might develop. If you're still not feeling it after a few more dates, let her know that though you like her as a person, you don't feel you are compatible.
Seems like 2 dates might be a bit premature to declare anything. I mean sure, sometimes it's obvious after meeting someone once or twice that there is no chance of any deep relationship, but it seems to me that if you like hanging out with her, but you're just not sure, then hang out some more. No need to decide anything this instant. Spend some time together and see what happens. Maybe you'll continue to click well. Or maybe not.
For me the test is always to ask yourself now and then "do I want to be with this person when they're not around?" As soon as you start to feel like the answer to that question is "not really", then it probably isn't going anywhere. At least that works for me.
Seems like 2 dates might be a bit premature to declare anything. I mean sure, sometimes it's obvious after meeting someone once or twice that there is no chance of any deep relationship, but it seems to me that if you like hanging out with her, but you're just not sure, then hang out some more. No need to decide anything this instant. Spend some time together and see what happens. Maybe you'll continue to click well. Or maybe not.
For me the test is always to ask yourself now and then "do I want to be with this person when they're not around?" As soon as you start to feel like the answer to that question is "not really", then it probably isn't going anywhere. At least that works for me.
This - I'm not sure why people are so afraid of wasting time that they almost immediately want to let someone go if there's not a "spark". I think it can be easy to tell if you absolutely DON'T click with someone but it can take a little time to tell if you do. Just because you click fast doesn't mean you'll stay clicked!
I just started recently seeing this girl (2 dates/hang outs). I would say that I do like hanging out with her but I am not sure if it is genuine or if I have just been lonely for so long that I would enjoy hanging out with any girl in this way.
I know its not fair to compare, but my first girlfriend at 18, I felt like we truly "clicked", I loved hanging out with her, I was super attracted to her. I cannot remember if I knew all this from the beginning or if this happened over time (I realize things might be different with your first love) Anyway, something is just nagging at me. Almost like maybe I am wasting my time and will never love her. Or that maybe there might be a stronger connection out there.
(sorry for this not really being a discussion but just me venting)
Listen to your gut instinct.
While it's nice to give someone a chance, if you're already wondering if there's something "more" out there, then she's a possible friend at most and it's not fair to lead her on when you don't feel the same.
Too funny with the original post. It sounds similar to my first-ever relationship. I was 18 at the time, and never dated before.
A girl in my class showed interest, and being the red-blooded 18-year-old that I was, I jumped at the chance. I quickly learned that she had nothing in common with me, and I wasn't attracted to her, either. I still kept seeing her (because immaturity), and all throughout, I had the same nagging feeling as the OP: something felt off, and I couldn't put my finger on what it was. Although the biggest contributor to that feeling was her turning down my date suggestions, like museums, etc. She broke up with me a few months later. I was upset at first, but deep down inside, a part of me felt relieved.
My advice to the OP: peacefully and cleanly end things with that girl. It's only been 2 dates; it's not enough time to get entrenched. If you keep seeing her any longer with how you feel, you will do damage. Your conscience won't like it, either. If your personal beliefs allow it, stay friends with her, but don't waste her time romantically if your heart isn't in it.
Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 06-14-2017 at 07:39 AM..
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