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I've heard this more times than I can tell you. Why, oh why would any woman who wanted marriage and children settle for living together and giving up their desire for these things is beyond me.
The next time I would still move in with someone before marrying them. Sorry, but to me it is more important to know someone well enough before marrying them, and haven't lived together is a part of that. Plus I know tons of couples who got engaged after living together.
Yesterday I met a friend for a couple of beers, who has also known him (because of me) for several years. She also couldnt believe it. She told me the same as my other friend- 'Seriously I thought you guys were the perfect couple and he always looked so damn much in love when he was with you. This really makes no sense'.
I still haven't heard of him. At this point, I obviously don't wanna hear from him because I still hope to fix this, but I just cannot believe that he wouldn't even really try to apologize or anything. Unfortunately, I non stop dream about him every night. Stuff like us kissing, him apologizing, us being happy. And then I wake up alone in bed. This is so painful, I wish I could stop dreaming about him all the time.
This guy did you a favor. I know it does not seem like it now. Obviously it is painful right now.
However, it took some amount of courage for him to tell you now. Maybe he had doubts and was hoping it would work itself out. When you moved in with him, reality hit him that is not what he wanted.
The 'bright side' I suppose is he did not walk down the aisle with you out of obligation. It could have been much worse. Would it have been better if he had married you and had three kids and then he let you know he didn't want to be with you?
Don't waste your energy on him. Find the right person for you. It's not him. Good luck.
OP, it IS really really weird that he went so hot and cold so darn fast. Everything is GREAT with no indication of problems, and then he goes on his trip (wondering now, if it was really a business trip?) and calls it off over the phone. So bizzaro. I don't know, but I don't think MOST guys could pull off such a hot and cold switch.
It kind of makes me wonder...could it be possible that there's a 3rd party instigator...a mutual friend or acquaintance, who would gain from stirring the pot and causing trouble between the 2 of you?
I ask, because something similar happened to me once.
OP, it IS really really weird that he went so hot and cold so darn fast. Everything is GREAT with no indication of problems, and then he goes on his trip (wondering now, if it was really a business trip?) and calls it off over the phone. So bizzaro. I don't know, but I don't think MOST guys could pull off such a hot and cold switch.
It kind of makes me wonder...could it be possible that there's a 3rd party instigator...a mutual friend or acquaintance, who would gain from stirring the pot and causing trouble between the 2 of you?
I ask, because something similar happened to me once.
I know. This is why it's so, so weird. I really still don't understand. I've had relationships in the past that ended, and it never just happened out of nowhere. I can honestly say til that happened, I was a 100% sure that he's madly in love with me and that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me.
Yes, it was a business trip. I know this for a fact because I have his login to his intranet (he gave it to me), so I can always check when he's where. I don't know if there is a 3rd party, but I don't think so. I've really been trying hard to understand what's going on and why this happened, but I still really don't. I guess I've never been so wrong about anyone.
I am betting that he got a taste of the "single" life while he was there without you, and once you arrived it hit him that that part of his life is over ... and he wasn't ready for it.
I am betting that he got a taste of the "single" life while he was there without you, and once you arrived it hit him that that part of his life is over ... and he wasn't ready for it.
That's why it seems sudden to YOU.
But we already lived together for years. We were only long distance for a while.
OP, sorry it turned out badly for you, looks like your hunch was trying to tell you something.
It's another story if he decided it doesn't work after a couple of months, but to have you moved to another country for him and everything only to bail in 2 weeks? Must be terrible way to find out what an S hole he actually is. He didn't even bother to check if you're in safe place, or the decency to send you off properly. What else do you want to think of him?
IMO he don't deserve the breezy take off and you don't deserve to be waved off like nobody. You need to take care of yourself first and take it as a blessing you now know he is nothing but a jerk.
Im really sorry this happened to you. Something people, including myself don't understand is affection is not love. I have confused it with love too many times. Having said that, I think everything else has been covered. I haven't been cheated on too many times. I think half of men do and so do half of women. Try not to let this horrible man and his horrific actions make you loose hope. Someone said let time work it's magic and I fully agree. Sorry again. Take care of yourself and be nice to yourself.
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