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You are only 21. What is the rush to live with someone anyways?
On another note, parent/child dynamics in relationships never work. I suppose you also have to " ask permission" if you want a guys night or do to anything on your own?
She is not your mom, you are not her dad. You should be equals.
I can't imagine talking to my husband this way, or him talking to me that way.
As far as the cleaning goes, for goodness sakes do you share of the house chores. You both live there, so just do it. My husband and I take turns with pretty much everything, from cooking to cleaning to walking our dogs. And once in a while we will just hire a cleaner to do a full job.
She'll demand I eat vegetables, will refuse to do fun stuff until " chores" are done, and turn off the tv or Xbox if she feels that I've " had enough" . We both have these " chores" I'm just slower to mine. Sometimes I'll be asked to redo them. If I snack or drink I'll get told, " that doesn't look all that healthy."
She'll then just brush it all off with, " I just want what's best for you."
Both of us are 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by Flacko
was never to this level, she'd joke about how I had nothing healthy at my place or that I left socks lying around, but that was it
Maybe if you behave like an adult, she'll treat you like one. I have treated bfs like kids because they acted like that.
Grow up - do you want to eat unhealthy foreverand get fat and sick? Yes, she means well. She doesn't want you to get diabetes and die early.
Clean up behind yourself and not have stuff laying around everywhere. Xbox? Come on ...You sound sloppy, lazy, and not made out for living with someone else, where everyone needs to pull their weight in cleaning and chores.
Don't be mad at me, but with 21, you can slowly put your grown up hat on and mature a little.
How about you clean a little more, do chores when they are due, don't play xbox for hours and show her that you can take care of yourself? If she still nags, then you'll have a reason to tell her off. She just wants best for you - you rather have her live in filth with you and stuff your face with fast food and not care?
I'm just saying, I'm not sure why she gets on me about cleaning when she knows I'll screw up all the while she knows what to do
Then you ask her to show you how she'd like things done. Divide up the domestic chores, and do your part without her having to ask you. Pouting and fighting and being passive agressive just reinforces the parent/child dynamic. You're both adults, you need to act like it.
When I first moved in with my ex-husband, we were both pretty independent and had our own likes and dislikes. Over the years, he basically took overevery aspect of our life. We could only eat one kind of chip orice cream, he decided what to watch on TV, he told me when to shower and when to go to bed, etc. He was emotionally abusive, so over time I justwent with the flow because it was easier than facing the consequences.
I finally left him because he was cheating on me. Once I was out on my own I discovered that I no longer knew who I was. I couldn't remember what flavor ice cream I liked, what sort of TV shows Ienjoyed, etc. I ended up having a breakdown, and had to relearn many things. I was basically an empty shell, and had to refill it from scratch.
OP, I see the writing on the wall for your relationship with this girl. Don't let her take away who you are simply to avoid a confrontation. She is trying to fit you into her "mold" and if doesn't love you for who you are, then she is not the one for you.
Who does the cooking? Just wondering - because if *I* do the meal prep you are eating what I make, including salad. (My last bf didn't eat veggies but we had a great ongoing inside ribbing joke about it for years...to the point he would come home and catch me making out with a head of lettuce because salad is *that* important to me...but he won't do salad, so I had no choice but to stray to the salad bowl for fulfillment...*sniffle*.)
The OP is an immature 21 year old guy. I think he's acting pretty typical for his age. Just because you are legally an adult doesn't mean you need to be in an adult relationship living as a real grown up.
People outgrow each other. I don't see his lady changing, nor him anytime soon. I'd cut bait frankly and not try to fix things, I doubt it would work.
(and PS: how does a woman get like that so young? I was soooo immature as well at 21, figured I had my whole life to act like my own mother so I wanted to at least have fun first for a few years).
I cook some nights, she cooks others, it's all left up in the air until the afternoon. She's that way because that's just the way her parents raised her, my dad & my stepmom were the complete opposite to her parents
You are only 21. What is the rush to live with someone anyways?
On another note, parent/child dynamics in relationships never work. I suppose you also have to " ask permission" if you want a guys night or do to anything on your own?
She is not your mom, you are not her dad. You should be equals.
I can't imagine talking to my husband this way, or him talking to me that way.
As far as the cleaning goes, for goodness sakes do you share of the house chores. You both live there, so just do it. My husband and I take turns with pretty much everything, from cooking to cleaning to walking our dogs. And once in a while we will just hire a cleaner to do a full job.
I have to text her when I'm leaving the place, wherever guys night is, because if I just walk in the door from a night out I run the risk of waking her up/freaking her out. We were just having a lotta fun dating, decided moving in would be awesome.
I have to text her when I'm leaving the place, wherever guys night is, because if I just walk in the door from a night out I run the risk of waking her up/freaking her out. We were just having a lotta fun dating, decided moving in would be awesome.
Dating and living together are two entirely different things. Neither of you sound mature enough to be living together.
Dating and living together are two entirely different things. Neither of you sound mature enough to be living together.
And at this point, that's not necessarily a bad thing. They're both 21, they've been dating for three years, and if they're not ready to settle down that's fine. They probably shouldn't.
Status:
"Just livin' day by day"
(set 22 days ago)
Location: USA
3,166 posts, read 3,358,514 times
Reputation: 5382
I'd suggest you leave now or plan on ending on being a wuss of a boyfriend or husband and being the butt of all your friends' jokes lol Sounds like my mom with my dad. I feel sorry for my dad the way my mom treats him sometimes. And he has put up with her bossiness and nagging behavior for almost 40 years. My dad is like really passive-aggressive about it, most of the time not saying anything letting it go through one ear out the other or does it behind her back such as eating at a fast-food restaurant lol
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