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Your language may come across harsh and rude to people who do not understand it. It is a cultural thing. He may love you but he doesn't see a future with someone who "barks" at people on a daily basis. I am not sure if it is the Vietnamese language I have heard before but I have noticed also, there at least one Asian language where normal conversations sound like people have a disagreement, it is loud and they yell. I wouldn't want to be around that all day either, it wears you out if you grew up with a more calm tone of voice. He may also have realized by visiting your country, how different you really are and realized, a Vietnamese partner is not for im. Sometimes, cultures just don't work out mixed together. It takes a lot of patience, understanding, and compromises and it is too much for him.
This is what I was going to say. I have the same negative reactions to the language (& I'm from another country myself, so it's not xenophobia), esp with Vietnamese, but with some other Asian languages too. Even when they speak in English, they often will verbalize in a way that sounds like barking orders to my ears. When I try to make an appt at a Vietnamese owned nail salon, I'm told "you come, you come now" in English. Whereas here we would say "if you're free, I have an appointment available right now, would that work for you?". To our ears, one sounds more polite than the other, b/c it's what we've been conditioned to hear. It sounds harsh if you're not used to it & it would take some effort & understanding to learn that it is not intended in a negative or rude way. It sounds to my ears like the people are fighting all the time & are really short & clipped with one another.
That said, I'm just trying to suggest what he may be hearing, I am NOT saying you are rude in any way. It just may sound that way to his ears. Of course he could make an effort to learn more about your culture & find similarities, but cross cultural relationships are extremely difficult & tricky to navigate, even under the best of circumstances.
I'm curious, how much real life time have you two spent together? Is it just the one trip?
This is what I was going to say. I have the same negative reactions to the language (& I'm from another country myself, so it's not xenophobia), esp with Vietnamese, but with some other Asian languages too. Even when they speak in English, they often will verbalize in a way that sounds like barking orders to my ears. When I try to make an appt at a Vietnamese owned nail salon, I'm told "you come, you come now" in English. Whereas here we would say "if you're free, I have an appointment available right now, would that work for you?". To our ears, one sounds more polite than the other, b/c it's what we've been conditioned to hear. It sounds harsh if you're not used to it & it would take some effort & understanding to learn that it is not intended in a negative or rude way. It sounds to my ears like the people are fighting all the time & are really short & clipped with one another.
That said, I'm just trying to suggest what he may be hearing, I am NOT saying you are rude in any way. It just may sound that way to his ears. Of course he could make an effort to learn more about your culture & find similarities, but cross cultural relationships are extremely difficult & tricky to navigate, even under the best of circumstances.
I'm curious, how much real life time have you two spent together? Is it just the one trip?
Funny that you mention the nail salon. I didn't want to bring it up but when I enter my nail salon where I frequent, I get yelled at "Pick ya calla" and it sounds like "GET THE HELL OUT!" It is funny to hear once every few weeks but I would not want to be friends with someone who talks like that, even if what they say is nice. The tone is just too much to bear.
Or maybe he needed a vacation girlfriend, not one where he lives.
I suggest that you forget about him and move on with your life. People don't break up with a loved one because they don't like their country. If you got married, you would most likely move to Germany to live with him, and he is not interested in doing that.
Thank you very much for your advice, I wonder why he could do that to me.... Did I make a mistake? I treated him by all my heart and Im not a gold digger,we shared all the fee when we together. He is 30 and have never dated with any women before (I'm not sure because if he told me the truth), not so good looking but funny... I don't know how long I can get over him, im working like a machine now to forget, but it's seem useless...
Was this a dating site where Germans can meet Vietnamese?
Your language may come across harsh and rude to people who do not understand it. It is a cultural thing. He may love you but he doesn't see a future with someone who "barks" at people on a daily basis. I am not sure if it is the Vietnamese language I have heard before but I have noticed also, there at least one Asian language where normal conversations sound like people have a disagreement, it is loud and they yell. I wouldn't want to be around that all day either, it wears you out if you grew up with a more calm tone of voice. He may also have realized by visiting your country, how different you really are and realized, a Vietnamese partner is not for im. Sometimes, cultures just don't work out mixed together. It takes a lot of patience, understanding, and compromises and it is too much for him.
I'm not sure if my language sounds like rude to people , I asked some foreign friends from EU and the others Asia countries about my attitude/voice when I talk and they said I have no problem with that. Just because he wants to breaks up so he finds the reasons to make me hurt. Is that right in this case?
This is what I was going to say. I have the same negative reactions to the language (& I'm from another country myself, so it's not xenophobia), esp with Vietnamese, but with some other Asian languages too. Even when they speak in English, they often will verbalize in a way that sounds like barking orders to my ears. When I try to make an appt at a Vietnamese owned nail salon, I'm told "you come, you come now" in English. Whereas here we would say "if you're free, I have an appointment available right now, would that work for you?". To our ears, one sounds more polite than the other, b/c it's what we've been conditioned to hear. It sounds harsh if you're not used to it & it would take some effort & understanding to learn that it is not intended in a negative or rude way. It sounds to my ears like the people are fighting all the time & are really short & clipped with one another.
That said, I'm just trying to suggest what he may be hearing, I am NOT saying you are rude in any way. It just may sound that way to his ears. Of course he could make an effort to learn more about your culture & find similarities, but cross cultural relationships are extremely difficult & tricky to navigate, even under the best of circumstances.
I'm curious, how much real life time have you two spent together? Is it just the one trip?
We have 6 days together and that was the first trip of us. Maybe he has had the other new girlfriend already, so he wants to breaks up with me quickly by said something that made me hurt....
Thank you very much for your advice, I wonder why he could do that to me.... Did I make a mistake? I treated him by all my heart and Im not a gold digger,we shared all the fee when we together. He is 30 and have never dated with any women before (I'm not sure because if he told me the truth), not so good looking but funny... I don't know how long I can get over him, im working like a machine now to forget, but it's seem useless...
If he is 30, and has never dated before, that might be the answer. Or some of it anyway. His fantasy of what dating involves, versus reality of what a relationship really is.
OP do you speak German? Does he speak Vietnamese? How do you two communicate?
We communicate in English when we message and speak Chinese when we talk to each other. He is Chinese - German so he can speak Chinese, English, German, and I'm Vietnamese but I can speak Cantonese, Mandarin Chinese because I studied these languages in university
Lots of American men are into Vietnamese ladies however they will likely not know another language other than English. I really doubt he stopped dating you because your froma poor country. I really don't think that even comes to play as a criteria.
We communicate in English when we message and speak Chinese when we talk to each other. He is Chinese - German so he can speak Chinese, English, German, and I'm Vietnamese but I can speak Cantonese, Mandarin Chinese because I studied these languages in university
If he speaks Mandarin then I would be skeptical about the whole idea of him finding Vietnam unfriendly and strange. He should have a decent understanding of Asian cultures. He liked Thailand but somehow found Vietnamese rude and unfriendly? That does not make any sense.
Ultimately, you might never know what happened. That is unfortunately part of dating, international or local. Sorry to hear that this happened to you but unfortunately that is part of life and trying to meet someone. If you don't like that, perhaps you parents can set you up with someone ? Not sure if this tradition still exists in Vietnam...
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? Not sure if this tradition still exists in Vietnam...
